Love Is for Losers by Wibke Brueggemann (motivational books for men .TXT) 📕

My brain was like: What have you done, Phoebe? But there was so much going on that I couldn’t process that question properly, and so I was left just looking at Emma, and looking at Emma, and looking at Emma.

Kate must have arranged the whole thing on Saturday when I was recovering from that awful meltdown and was literally lying unconscious on the sofa.

The table was set all Halloween-like with skull cups and ghost plates and a string of skull fairy lights along the middle, and skull and rat candles.

People must have brought chairs, and there was food, and presents, and everything.

It’s still so strange to think that everyone had made such an effort for me.

I’m also still surprised that Kate had any love left after I almost kicked down the wall that separates the hallway from the kitchen in my blind rage.

I hugged her for like five minutes, until she was like: “Okay, get off me now and say hello to your guests.”

I felt like a celebrity, walking down a line of well-wishers, shaking hands and hugging people.

Turns out Miriam Patel came minus one, because she’s jumped onto the suffragettes bandwagon, and therefore no longer believes in the “plus one.” She sat next to Alex, and they were talking all afternoon. He even let her pick a French Fancy off of his plate, and he normally really isn’t into people interfering with his snacks. I think the whole Emmeline Pankhurst thing actually suits Miriam. That way she can still talk and talk and talk, but without talking actual crap and sounding like the idiot she isn’t.

Alex’s parents are super nice, too. I didn’t speak to them at Melanie’s funeral, because they didn’t come to the party bit at the sailing club. They got me flowers, and Alex baked my birthday cake. It had black icing on it and a white skull wearing a pink ribbon. But the best thing was that when we cut it, the inside was rainbow layers. I was like: “This must have taken you ages.” And Alex was like: “Yes. Three days.”

Three days.

He made me something that took him three days.

I almost didn’t want to eat it, but it was proper delicious.

Pat was like: “Alex, you are a magician,” which is true.

The party turned out to be a barbecue after all, because Kate had bought disposable grills and put them just outside the back door. Bill took charge of the grilling, and we could hear him and Pat bickering outside for literally an hour. For the rest of the day, if he wasn’t talking about sausages, he was talking about Mowgli. What have we done by giving him that cat? He’s now an online sensation. Eight hundred and sixty-three followers to date. And he’s got a sponsor for his cat food!

After everyone had eaten, Kate was like: “Time to open your presents. Mine first.”

She gave me a little box, and I already knew it was jewelry. I opened it, and inside was a silver chain with a tiny Star of David pendant. I think I must have looked at it for, like, ten minutes. In the end, Kate was like: “You do know what that is, don’t you?” and I was like: “Obviously.” Kate was like: “You like it?” But I didn’t even know what to say, because I literally loved it so much. Kate helped me put it on, kissed my head, and whispered: “I love you,” and Bill was like: “Mazel tov,” and everyone went: “Happy birthday, Phoebe.”

Polly and Tristan got me cinema vouchers, and Polly’s card said Happy New Year. LOL.

Miriam got me a book about inspiring women who have changed history. Honestly, half a year ago she probably would have given me fake eyelashes or something equally as tedious, but this is actually a really good gift.

Bill, Pat, and James got me a Starbucks gift card and a poetry book (clearly James’s idea).

When Emma gave me her present, I still hadn’t spoken to her, and it was all a bit awkward.

I was like: “Thank you,” and went to open the card, but Emma was like: “Maybe the card is for later. Open the present first.”

I tried to be all careful and not destroy the gorgeous wrapping, but everyone was like: “Come on!”

It was a T-shirt from Topshop with a picture of a space shuttle on the back and the NASA logo on the front.

I felt her eyes on me, and my chest felt all tight, and I was thinking: Why are you giving me such a well-considered gift when I’ve been ignoring you because I’m trying so hard to forget you ever happened?

I was just like: “Thank you.” But it came out all shaky and pathetic.

I was dying to read her card, but I waited for half an hour and then stuffed it into my trousers and went into the toilet.

I sat down and ripped open the envelope.

It looked more like a Valentine’s card than a birthday card, because it had just one red heart on it.

Mine almost stopped.

Dear Phoebe,

Happy birthday. I hope sixteen is everything you want it to be and more.

I’m sorry for kissing you without asking you first, and for assuming it was something you wanted, too. I must have misinterpreted things.

I hope we can be friends.

Love, Emma

x

I tucked the card back into my jeans, washed my shaking hands (even though I never actually went to the toilet…), and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was just like: What are you doing? Because Kate’s right, I’m not a coward. And so before I could rethink anything, I walked out of the toilet and straight up to Emma, and I was like: “Please can you come with me for a sec?”

I went out into the shop and into the changing cubicle.

Emma came in behind me.

I pulled the curtain shut, and suddenly it felt like there was only the two of us, and we were on an interstellar mission into the future, and the only air we