The Song of the Lark by Willa Cather (best reads .TXT) 📕

heavy irony, so heavy, indeed, that it was coarse. It grated upon Harsanyi because he felt that it was not sincere, an awkward affectation.

He wheeled toward her. “Miss Kronborg, answer me this. You know that you can sing, do you not? You have always known it. While we worked here together you sometimes said to yourself, ‘I have something you know nothing about; I could surprise you.’ Is that also true?”

Thea nodded and hung her head.

“Why were you not frank with me? Did I not deserve it?”

She shuddered. Her bent shoulders trembled. “I don’t know,” she muttered. “I didn’t mean to be like that. I couldn’t. I can’t. It’s different.”

“You mean it is very personal?” he asked kindly.

She nodded. “Not at church or funerals, or with people like Mr. Larsen. But with you it was⁠—personal. I’m not like you and Mrs. Harsanyi. I come of rough people. I’m rough. But I’m independent, too. It was⁠—all I had. There is no use my talking, Mr. Harsanyi. I can’t tell you.”

“You needn’t tell me. I know. Every artist knows.” Harsanyi stood looking at his pupil’s back, bent as if she were pushing something, at her lowered head. “You can sing for those people because with them you do not commit yourself. But the reality, one cannot uncover that until one is sure. One can fail one’s self, but one must not live to see that fail; better never reveal it. Let me help you to make yourself sure of it. That I can do better than Bowers.”

Thea lifted her face and threw out her hands.

Harsanyi shook his head and smiled. “Oh, promise nothing! You will have much to do. There will not be voice only, but French, German, Italian. You will have work enough. But sometimes you will need to be understood; what you never show to anyone will need companionship. And then you must come to me.” He peered into her face with that searching, intimate glance. “You know what I mean, the thing in you that has no business with what is little, that will have to do only with beauty and power.”

Thea threw out her hands fiercely, as if to push him away. She made a sound in her throat, but it was not articulate. Harsanyi took one of her hands and kissed it lightly upon the back. His salute was one of greeting, not of farewell, and it was for someone he had never seen.

When Mrs. Harsanyi came in at six o’clock, she found her husband sitting listlessly by the window. “Tired?” she asked.

“A little. I’ve just got through a difficulty. I’ve sent Miss Kronborg away; turned her over to Bowers, for voice.”

“Sent Miss Kronborg away? Andor, what is the matter with you?”

“It’s nothing rash. I’ve known for a long while I ought to do it. She is made for a singer, not a pianist.”

Mrs. Harsanyi sat down on the piano chair. She spoke a little bitterly: “How can you be sure of that? She was, at least, the best you had. I thought you meant to have her play at your students’ recital next fall. I am sure she would have made an impression. I could have dressed her so that she would have been very striking. She had so much individuality.”

Harsanyi bent forward, looking at the floor. “Yes, I know. I shall miss her, of course.”

Mrs. Harsanyi looked at her husband’s fine head against the gray window. She had never felt deeper tenderness for him than she did at that moment. Her heart ached for him. “You will never get on, Andor,” she said mournfully.

Harsanyi sat motionless. “No, I shall never get on,” he repeated quietly. Suddenly he sprang up with that light movement she knew so well, and stood in the window, with folded arms. “But some day I shall be able to look her in the face and laugh because I did what I could for her. I believe in her. She will do nothing common. She is uncommon, in a common, common world. That is what I get out of it. It means more to me than if she played at my concert and brought me a dozen pupils. All this drudgery will kill me if once in a while I cannot hope something, for somebody! If I cannot sometimes see a bird fly and wave my hand to it.”

His tone was angry and injured. Mrs. Harsanyi understood that this was one of the times when his wife was a part of the drudgery, of the “common, common world.”

He had let something he cared for go, and he felt bitterly about whatever was left. The mood would pass, and he would be sorry. She knew him. It wounded her, of course, but that hurt was not new. It was as old as her love for him. She went out and left him alone.

VIII

One warm damp June night the Denver Express was speeding westward across the earthy-smelling plains of Iowa. The lights in the day-coach were turned low and the ventilators were open, admitting showers of soot and dust upon the occupants of the narrow green plush chairs which were tilted at various angles of discomfort. In each of these chairs some uncomfortable human being lay drawn up, or stretched out, or writhing from one position to another. There were tired men in rumpled shirts, their necks bare and their suspenders down; old women with their heads tied up in black handkerchiefs; bedraggled young women who went to sleep while they were nursing their babies and forgot to button up their dresses; dirty boys who added to the general discomfort by taking off their boots. The brakeman, when he came through at midnight, sniffed the heavy air disdainfully and looked up at the ventilators. As he glanced down the double rows of contorted figures, he saw one pair of eyes that were wide open and bright, a yellow head that was not overcome by the stupefying heat and smell in the car. “There’s a girl for you,”