Shattered: A Salvation Society Novel by Bella Emy (pdf to ebook reader .TXT) 📕

feel right. I felt like I did the wrong thing. Something inside of me told me to get up and rip myself from his embrace and head up to the upper deck. Once I did, I leaned over the banister and looked out into the sea, and that’s when everything came back to me once more.”

She studies my face again and searches my eyes. “And Kalen? Where was he? Still asleep?”

I nod. “He was when I woke up, but then he got up and found me. And that’s when everything spilled.”

“Everything?”

I nod again. “Yes. I told him how I felt and how I couldn’t do this with him. And I asked him why he left, why things ended for us long ago.”

She raises her eyebrows. “And what did he say?”

I shrug. “He said he didn’t want them to. He didn’t want to leave me, that it was the last thing he wanted to do. He loved me, and he didn’t want to hurt me.”

She nods, understanding. “And then?”

A small smile forms on my face, but the last thing I am right now is happy. I’m smiling because of her eagerness to hear about what happened. “So then I asked him if that was the case, why did he do it. If he loved me as he claimed, why did he leave me.”

“And he said…”

“He said I wouldn’t like his answer, but he would give it to me anyway, if I was ready.”

“And you told him you were ready, right?”

I nod, taking a deep breath. “Yes, that’s what led me here. Because once I asked him to tell me and let him know I was ready, he told me the reason.”

Her eyes open wider. “And that reason was…”

I shake my head, still unwilling to believe his excuse. “My mother.”

Erin’s eyes narrow. “Your mother?”

“Yep, he had the nerve to tell me it was all my mother’s fault.”

“He said that?”

I lift my hands in front of me and hold them out for her, shrugging. “In so many words….”

Erin scratches her head. “Huh?”

“The day he came over for brunch when my mom invited him, he said she told him to leave me alone, basically to break up with me because she knew he’d amount to nothing.”

Her eyes widen and a tiny smile sits on her face, knowing the truth. “Well, she was wrong about that.”

I let out a small laugh. “Completely. He said she called him a worthless piece of scum, but I don’t know. Do you think any of it is true?”

She shakes her head, and from the look on her face, it seems as though she’s not sure what to think. “I don’t see why he would lie about that, at least, why would he bring her into it now? He knows she’s gone, and her death was hard on you for a long time. That would just be cruel… and Kalen’s not cruel.”

She’s right about that. He’s anything but cruel. He’s very kind and generous.

And warm. And wonderful. And he’s completely amazing.

But still, he’s not the person who I thought he was so long ago before the truth came out. He was no good for me. No good at all.

I lean forward. “Yeah, but why would she do that if she knew how much I cared about him?”

Erin shrugs and, after a few moments says, “I don’t know.”

Not knowing what more to say, I walk back over to the bed, take a seat and pull my laptop back onto my lap, opening it.

“So, that’s it, huh?” Erin’s voice makes my head snap up to meet her gaze.

“I’m sorry, Erin. I have to go. I have to get back home and try to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Now that my lounge is gone and I’ve quit my job, I need to see about getting everything together. It’s all a damn mess right now, and Kalen just threw a wrench in the mix. It was already a damn near disaster. But now? Forget about it. Plus, I need to get as far away from here as I possibly can, you know?”

She takes a seat at the opposite end of the bed. “I get it, Lexi. I get how you’re feeling about everything, really I do. But don’t you think it’s time to let go and put the past behind you?”

Her words are like a slap in the face. I can’t believe what she’s saying. It stings that she feels like this, like I should just let everything go. “What? What do you mean? The past? This is all new to me.”

“The truth about why he left is all new to you, but all this is something that happened so long ago. And from what I’m seeing and what you’re telling me, Kalen is trying. If he weren’t, I don’t think he’d go out of his way so much to keep pursuing you after you pushed him away so many times in the past two weeks. Guys don’t keep chasing after a girl if she shows no interest, and at first, you didn’t. Remember?”

I nod. “Yeah, but what does that—”

“It has everything to do with everything, and I’m sorry to say this Lexi, but you’re running away because you’re scared. You’re scared and you don’t want to hurt again. I get that. I know it. But you can’t give up on something because of fear.”

I frown. I am so scared, she’s absolutely right about that. Tears begin to well up in the corners of my eyes. “Yeah, I am scared and I have every right—”

“Yeah, you have a right to be scared because of what happened before. Of course you do. But you shouldn’t run away. You need to face your fears. Especially if these fears will lead you to your happiness.”

My happiness? How can she possibly know that? She doesn’t… okay, fine. Maybe she does know what would make me happy because she’s my best friend and I’ve always told her everything