Club You to Death by Anuja Chauhan (books to improve english .TXT) 📕

‘Best party ever!’ Walli declares. ‘Thanks for inviting us!’

‘The girls here are too nice,’ Kalra confides. Then he blinks, ‘Who’s the dead guy?’

‘He’s not dead.’ Kashi’s voice is exasperated. ‘Merely tripping.’

Kalra peers down at Aryaman Aggarwal’s still figure then clicks his tongue sympathetically. ‘Looks like a BT, bro, a bad, bad trip. He should’ve stuck with us. We met these guys, just back from a trek in Dharamshala, who were smoking the purest shit ever! Sourced directly from the hills!’ He holds up his hands and gestures dramatically. ‘From farm – to palm! From farm – to palm! From farm – to palm! Get it?’

‘I got it the first time,’ Kashi says sourly.

‘We met their dealer too,’ Walli adds. ‘He was handing out free twenty-gram samples of weed … really chill guy. Looked like a Citibank banker, pinstriped shirt and glasses.’

‘Naice!’

Kalra nods. ‘Best part was, he wasn’t judgemental! I hate sanskari dealers, bro, matlab, in Ludhiana I used to pick from this really fucking goody-goody dealer – every time we met he’d give me a whole load of brain-freezing gyaan about how I was ruining my health and destroying my parents’ happiness and blowing away my future and how I should stop at once. And then he’d hand me the weed and take my cash. It was like he felt morally obliged to issue a sort of statutory warning. Twisted, sadistic bastard.’

‘I feel you, bro.’ Bambi nods. ‘I hate hypocrites.’

‘Yeah, Todi!’ Walli swivels to face her, delighted. ‘You get me! Anyway, I could’ve had a much longer chat with this dealer, but he slunk off without eating. He’s keeping a low profile – the cops are chasing all the dealers nowadays, trying to figure out who supplied the Pinko Hathni to your Zumba trainer, Todi.’

‘That makes sense.’

‘He was sort of low-key bragging that he supplied it, TBH. But he could have just been taking the piss. Dealers take the piss a lot to scare kids into keeping their mouths shut. He said he knows that chick who’s in the news – the one having an affair with that old general.’

‘What … wait?’ Kashi looks up sharply. ‘Do you mean … Ganga?’

Kalra scratches his head, his eyes hazy. ‘He didn’t mention the name – but apparently she runs a Daily Needs at your club. He seemed pretty kicked at how high-profile “bhabhi ji” had gotten. He used to be thick pals with her husband – who used to deal to all the TVVS kids back in the old days, but then some shit went down and he had to vanish. So this guy inherited his client list.’

‘TVVS kids used to pick from Ganga’s husband three years ago and then he vanished?’ Kashi asks. ‘Is that what you’re saying, Kalra?’

‘People sell off their client list all the time,’ Walli chips in knowledgeably. ‘My dentist did the same thing when I was twelve – told my mom ki I’m off to Canada for a three-month course, my pal so-and-so will treat your son for the time being, and then he just never came back, and we realized he’d migrated to Canada and I’d been shunted off to so-and-so against my will! My top right incisor is still all crooked, look!’

Nobody looks. Kalra has wandered off to find the loo and Kashi and Bambi are staring at each other in electrified silence, words trembling on their lips.

‘Shall I say?’ she asks breathlessly.

He nods.

‘Okay okay!’ She takes a deep, calming breath. ‘So, if three years ago, Ganga’s hubby was the local TVVS dealer, and Arya was one of his clients, and then Ganga’s hubby vanished – then that creates a direct link between Arya and the body in the kitchen patch!’

‘Assuming that the body in the kitchen patch is Ganga’s husband,’ Kashi says. ‘That hasn’t been conclusively proven yet, has it?’

She shakes her head. ‘No – but it seems logical … Oh my God, Kashi, this is huge!’

‘I think it’s probably much more likely that Ganga’s husband just fucked off to Dubai or something,’ says Kalra. ‘Or to Canada – like my dentist.’

‘Shut up, Kalra. You’re right, Bambi. It’s huge! We have to notify Bhavani.’

13

The Khuranas Receive Visitors

It is three in the morning by the time the Uber drops Bambi off at Aurangzeb Road. The guys are all in the backseat – Kalra and Walli had manoeuvred to make sure Bambi sat in the front seat when the Uber arrived at Sia Kapoor’s farmhouse, a move that had certainly not endeared them to Kashi. Now he yanks open the back door, very tight-lipped, and gets into the front passenger seat, slamming the door shut so hard that the driver protests.

‘Sir gaadi hai, truck nahi!’

Kashi sends Bhavani a long, detailed WhatsApp message, updating him on Ganga’s husband’s second job as a drug dealer, then drops the phone into the cupholder beside him, sits back with a sigh and closes his eyes.

A little while later, a voice coos into his ear.

‘When Kuhu smiles at me, I feel like the sun has come out from behind a dark cloud, but when Bambi smiles at me, I feel like I am the sun itself.’

Kalra and Walli have got hold of his phone.

‘What the fuck, Walli!’ Kashi swears, and lunges for it.

Walli chucks the phone to Kalra, who waves off the furious Kashi while sucking in his breath and shaking his head solemnly.

‘Too much pressure, bro. Being somebody’s sun is too much pressure. You’ll burn yourself up just keeping ’em warm.’

Kashi looks at him in angry disbelief. ‘Behenchod, now you’re a science expert? You put the moon between the sun and the earth in the diagram of the lunar eclipse! We chutiyas copied from you and failed the class seven finals as well! Gimme my phone back!’

He is so white-faced and enraged that, after shrugging and exchanging silent looks, the pair tamely surrender the phone.

‘Dirty dog, Dogra.’

‘Cheating on Bannerjee.’

Kashi requests them very cordially to shut the fuck up, and they are