Diary of an Ugly Duckling by Langhorne, Karyn (general ebook reader .txt) 📕

a moment forgetting

about the surgery and the changes in her look since

she’d last laid eyes on this kid. She jerked her head

at Carlton, nudging him toward a chair in the corner

of the room. “It’s forty-five miles an hour and you’re

doing ninety. Go sit down over there and—”

He was staring at her like she had suddenly

sprouted horns. Audra watched recognition dawn

in his eyes. A second later he burst into laughter.

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“Holy shit! Holy shit—” he cried, laughing. “I

don’t believe this shit! You’re—you’re—that butt-

ugly chick—”

“Yeah, I’m the ugly chick.”

His laughing and pointing was attracting atten-

tion in the room. Audra glanced around and

found the noise to have stolen some attention from

the television show some of the men were watching,

along with several checkers games and more than a

few of the quieter conversations around the room.

Only the video rivalry continued without interrup-

tion.

“Damn, girl! What did you do!”

“What I did is irrelevant. The point is what did you

do to—”

“I mean I can understand losing some weight . . .

fixing your hair up a little . . .” He squinted at her,

unsure of how to explain the other changes he was

seeing. He dismissed them anyway by guffawing

and pointing. “But you’ve changed yourself into a

white woman!” He must have felt the eyes of the

room on him, because he shouted out, “Hey y’all,

check this. Remember that fat, ugly chick that used

to work here? One that threw down with Haines

and ripped her pants—”

There were a few nods and murmurs of assent.

“Settle down!” Audra roared over the little swell,

grabbing Carlton’s shoulder. “That’s enough

now—”

“This the same chick!” he said jabbing a finger in

Audra’s direction. “Remember how dark she used

to be? Nappy hair, big old tits and big old butt? This

the same—”

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“All right, all right,” Audra repeated, feeling in-

creasingly uncomfortable as the men stared at her,

some laughing, others shaking their heads in disbe-

lief. Audra thought she heard, “Like the King of

Pop!” and “That’s messed up!” along with other

less-than-flattering comments.

“Remember when she threw Haines? Threw him

like a rag doll!” Carlton all but cackled. “Broke two

of his ribs—”

Audra’s eyes shot to Haines, who was staring her

down with a venom that couldn’t signal anything

but bad news. She let her eyes stray to the other

COs, but they seemed content to let Audra handle

the ribbing in any way she chose.

“That’s enough!” Audra roared, as the murmurs

reached higher decibels. “Back to your recreation . . .

or all of you will be back in your cells with plenty of

time to think about it—”

“Oh yeah?” In the few months since she’d seen

him last, Carlton had gained a nasty swagger that

didn’t become him in the slightest. “You said you was

gonna kick my ass. Look at you. You couldn’t kick—”

Audra whipped out her baton, grabbed his right

arm behind his back and pressed the baton tight

against his throat. She jerked him to his feet, feeling

the strain in her body at his weight.

“I told you to shut up, and I mean shut up!” she

hissed, dragging him toward the door, thanking

God and Julienne for the dozens of extra repetitions

of upper body exercises she’d been forced to endure.

“And if you can’t shut up then—”

She stumbled against something unseen—

something that felt like someone’s foot and leg. She

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righted herself quickly, but in the tangled moment

of regaining her equilibrium, Audra lost her grip on

Carlton. A second later, he’d whirled around, duck-

ing free of the baton and facing her with a little

smirk on his face, while she looked around for the

obstruction . . . or the obstructor. Princeton Haines

stood nearby, his eyes locked on hers and his usual

sneer curling his features into ugliness.

The other COs converged on the situation now,

and Carlton was handcuffed in an instant, all the

while loudly complaining that he hadn’t done any-

thing, hadn’t said anything, hadn’t been anywhere

near anything ever in his entire life.

“You want to take him back or—”

“Yeah, I’ll do it,” Audra muttered, feeling a sudden

sense of shame suffusing her skin, praying that her

cheeks weren’t flaming with the emotion, but know-

ing with her paler complexion, it was highly likely

that the entire room was witnessing her discomfiture

at being bested by an inmate, if only for a second. She

pulled her features into her game face and let her eyes

skim the room one last time, taking in every face. The

room was silent now except for the blaring TV and

the crashes and whines of the video games. Most

of the men were staring at her blankly, unwilling to

risk the possibility of being ejected in the same

undignified manner as Carlton. But Princeton

Haines was watching her with a funny little smile

curled on his snide lips . . . and Audra had to talk to

herself to keep from shuddering under its scrutiny.

She called Bradshaw that night, but Penny said he

was “out” and launched into her own conversation,

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starting into a long-winded series of questions

about her time in Los Angeles, ending with the re-

quest to bring a few of the girls from school to Au-

dra’s apartment to watch Ugly Duckling on the night

of Audra’s Reveal.

Chapter 26

October 4

Dear Petra,

He’s not talking to me.

Okay, he’s talking to me a little. When Penny calls

(which is often, the girl has adopted us!) he’ll come to

the phone for a minute. He answers my questions

“yes” or “no” . . . or he’ll ask me about some movie

that was on the Classic Channel. He called in sick

every day I worked the 7-a.m.-to-3-p.m. shift; didn’t

come back until I was back to nights.

He’s avoiding me, Petra. He’s avoiding me right

when we have so much to talk about . . .

I know I should have told him about the skin

lightening. I don’t know why I didn’t.

Okay, so that’s not true: I do know why I didn’t tell

him. If he’d only let me explain ! All I wanted was to

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