A New Dream by Maggie Ford (world of reading .TXT) 📕

of it had been drunk, and couldn’t help glancing at her sister’s waistline, already imagining she saw the first sign of thickening.

Eddie was at her side holding little Violet and a small, ugly, sneering thought went through Julia’s head: ‘A baby not yet out of nappies and she’s pregnant again, it’s disgusting!’ Deep inside her heart though she admitted that it was not disgusting but that it was so totally, totally unfair!

Twenty-Three

His investments were healthy, the business was doing well. ‘Lately it seems we can’t go wrong,’ exclaimed Simon.

But all Julia could think of were those two words he’d said in church: ‘I know.’ Had they truly had the quality of a promise or had he merely been conveying that he’d heard what she said?

So many times she had been on the verge of reminding him of it but again work intervened. Christmas, despite thick snow, had brought a rush of orders and it wasn’t until the festive season was over and they could breathe again that she found the moment to bring it up.

She did so one evening a few days after the New Year as they reclined on the settee hardly listening to the BBC’s reports of terrible flooding in London, the result of a high tide combined with a sudden thaw. She snuggled against Simon who had one arm about her and was studying a jewellery catalogue he held in his other hand. As yet he didn’t deal in precious stones but his costume jewellery was of the highest quality, designed to his specification, and was always in great demand.

Although he held her close to him, his mind was obviously in another world; he didn’t even look up when she began quietly, ‘Simon, you remember at James and Caroline’s wedding?’

‘Mmm?’ he murmured absently.

‘What you said in church when I whispered in your ear during the service that we should get married?’

Glancing up from the catalogue, far too quickly for her mind, as if startled, he looked a little perplexed. ‘Did you, darling?’

‘You know I did. And you said, “I know.” Don’t you remember?’ He frowned and shook his head, but Julia meant to pursue her quest. ‘It was the only few words we said to each other during the whole service and I need to know, did you mean that you know we should get married?’

‘I’m not sure I remember what I said.’

It was as if he was deliberately evading her and she felt a sudden desperation to pin him down. She sat up away from him, snatching the catalogue from his hand and throwing it beside her on the settee.

‘All these years together, the times we’ve promised ourselves to get married, to set a date, and here we are, the same as ever.’

‘Aren’t we happy as we are?’

‘I’m not!’

The words were torn from her so forcefully he was left gazing at her in amazement and some apprehension. She almost read the question in his eyes: You’re not saying you want to leave? But suddenly he smiled.

‘Don’t be silly, darling, we’ve everything we’ve ever wished for. We’re comfortably off, we’ve a nice apartment, and we have each other. We’ve…’

‘But were not married!’ she broke in. ‘Don’t you want to be married?’

‘Yes, of course, darling, as soon as we get the business really up and running.’

Her temper flared, surprising even her. ‘How up and running does it have to be? Haven’t we come up in the world enough? How far do we have to go before you consider it time you married me?’

She was trying to calm down, gain control of her anger. ‘Simon, we’ve done so well. How much more do you want?’

She watched him get up and go over to turn off the wireless. The room was suddenly quiet, so that his voice, though soft, sounded almost too loud.

‘I want us to reach the top of the tree,’ he said evenly, ‘to be up there with the big fashion houses – Chanel, Caret, Hartnell. I want your name to be the one that everyone remembers when they think of fashion.’

‘And I want a baby! I don’t want to climb to the top of any tree.’

She could hear the pleading in her own voice. ‘We never have time for ourselves these days. That’s why we never get around to the subject of marriage. I know you love me, Simon, but sometimes I feel taken for granted. I want to have a baby and I can’t while we’re not married. We never make love properly any more in case I fall pregnant. I don’t know if I’m even able to have babies. We’ve never tried…’

She broke off. He was looking at her but his expression was obscured by the mist of her tears. Seconds later she was in his arms, weeping as if her heart were broken.

‘Sweetheart,’ she heard his soft voice in her ear, ‘let’s get the next fashion show over then I promise you, my sweet darling, we’ll be married and this time nothing will stand in our way.’

She should have felt soothed, but it was as if she were seeing a rerun of a film, as sometimes happened in the cinema when the film would break and have to be restarted. How many times had he promised marriage and even begun to make the arrangements, only to have them all fall through as work interfered?

She didn’t really believe it now but she let him carry on holding her, so confident he’d solved everything, really believing his own promises. Despite everything a small spark of hope hovered inside her that this time it would happen.

Julia stared at the expensive sapphire and diamond dress ring Simon had given her. The thought crossed her mind, maybe uncharitably, that this was to make up for last week. In the past, when they’d been struggling, he had often thrilled her with little gifts he could hardly afford. As they had climbed their financial ladder so his gifts had become more costly. But this was far too much. Even