The Small House at Allington by Anthony Trollope (the kiss of deception read online txt) 📕

be out of joint yet, for Porlock is going to marry. I heard it from Colepepper, who almost lives with Porlock. As soon as Porlock heard that she was in the family way he immediately made up his mind to cut him out.”

“That was a great sign of brotherly love,” said Crosbie.

“I knew he’d do it,” said John; “and so I told George before he got himself spliced. But he would go on. If he’d remained as he was for four or five years longer there would have been no danger;⁠—for Porlock, you know, is leading the deuce of a life. I shouldn’t wonder if he didn’t reform now, and take to singing psalms or something of that sort.”

“There’s no knowing what a man may come to in this world.”

“By George, no. But I’ll tell you what, they’ll find no change in me. If I marry it will not be with the intention of giving up life. I say, old fellow, have you got a cigar here?”

“What, to smoke up here, do you mean?”

“Yes; why not? we’re ever so far from the women.”

“Not whilst I am occupier of this room. Besides, it’s time to dress for dinner.”

“Is it? So it is, by George! But I mean to have a smoke first, I can tell you. So it’s all a lie about your being engaged; eh?”

“As far as I know, it is,” said Crosbie. And then his friend left him.

What was he to do at once, now, this very day, as to his engagement? He had felt sure that the report of it would be carried to Courcy by Lady Julia De Guest, but he had not settled down upon any resolution as to what he would do in consequence. It had not occurred to him that he would immediately be charged with the offence, and called upon to plead guilty or not guilty. He had never for a moment meditated any plea of not guilty, but he was aware of an aversion on his part to declare himself as engaged to Lilian Dale. It seemed that by doing so he would cut himself off at once from all pleasure at such houses as Courcy Castle; and, as he argued to himself, why should he not enjoy the little remnant of his bachelor life? As to his denying his engagement to John De Courcy⁠—that was nothing. Anyone would understand that he would be justified in concealing a fact concerning himself from such a one as he. The denial repeated from John’s mouth would amount to nothing⁠—even among John’s own sisters. But now it was necessary that Crosbie should make up his mind as to what he would say when questioned by the ladies of the house. If he were to deny the fact to them the denial would be very serious. And, indeed, was it possible that he should make such denial with Lady Julia opposite to him?

Make such a denial! And was it the fact that he could wish to do so⁠—that he should think of such falsehood, and even meditate on the perpetration of such cowardice? He had held that young girl to his heart on that very morning. He had sworn to her, and had also sworn to himself, that she should have no reason for distrusting him. He had acknowledged most solemnly to himself that, whether for good or for ill, he was bound to her; and could it be that he was already calculating as to the practicability of disowning her? In doing so must he not have told himself that he was a villain? But in truth he made no such calculation. His object was to banish the subject, if it were possible to do so; to think of some answer by which he might create a doubt. It did not occur to him to tell the countess boldly that there was no truth whatever in the report, and that Miss Dale was nothing to him. But might he not skilfully laugh off the subject, even in the presence of Lady Julia? Men who were engaged did so usually, and why should not he? It was generally thought that solicitude for the lady’s feelings should prevent a man from talking openly of his own engagement. Then he remembered the easy freedom with which his position had been discussed throughout the whole neighbourhood of Allington, and felt for the first time that the Dale family had been almost indelicate in their want of reticence. “I suppose it was done to tie me the faster,” he said to himself, as he pulled out the ends of his cravat. “What a fool I was to come here, or indeed to go anywhere, after settling myself as I have done.” And then he went down into the drawing-room.

It was almost a relief to him when he found that he was not charged with his sin at once. He himself had been so full of the subject that he had expected to be attacked at the moment of his entrance. He was, however, greeted without any allusion to the matter. The countess, in her own quiet way, shook hands with him as though she had seen him only the day before. The earl, who was seated in his armchair, asked someone, out loud, who the stranger was, and then, with two fingers put forth, muttered some apology for a welcome. But Crosbie was quite up to that kind of thing. “How do, my lord?” he said, turning his face away to someone else as he spoke; and then he took no further notice of the master of the house. “Not know him, indeed!” Crippled though he was by his matrimonial bond, Crosbie felt that, at any rate as yet, he was the earl’s equal in social importance. After that, he found himself in the back part of the drawing-room, away from the elder people, standing with Lady Alexandrina, with Miss Gresham, a cousin of the De Courcys, and sundry other