Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

uses his thumb to wipe them away. “Whatever happens, I want you to know that I will never blame you for my feelings.”

I sit there and cry not only for the ache in my heart, but for his heart as well. He moves the pieces of my hair that have worked their way loose on the journey behind my ear and holds my face with both of his hands. “Sina, you are one of the most honest, strong, humble, funny, and most beautiful women I have ever met in my life. I know where your heart is and I would never ask you to choose. I need you to know that I am in love with you, but I want you to do what’s best for you and your heart. I can’t have you the way I want too, so I will be here for you as your friend nothing else.”

“I will always love you Marino” I cry as he pulls me in for a hug and my heart dies a little.

He kisses my temple and says, “Let’s clean your face up before you head inside.”

I laugh through my tears and say, “When the right woman finds you, she will be the luckiest woman in the world.” I kiss him on his cheek then grab a handful of tissues for my face. I don’t know why I even bother with it, it’s not going to help me at all. I check myself in the mirror and laugh again. I look like shit. “I can’t do anything with this face. So we should just go inside.”

He laughs at me and says, “You’re beautiful no matter what.” He steps out of the car and walks around to get Emma out.  “Wake up honey girl” He strokes her hair from her face as he unbuckles her belt.

“Are we here?” she says sleepily.

“Yes we are Love” he tells her.

Emma gets out of the car and asks “Where are we Mama?”

Before I can answer her , Marino says “We’re making a stop before we take you to Grandma’s house.” She smiles a little but I know she’s nervous. I unbuckle myself and step out of the car. I make sure that I look somewhat put together, but it’s impossible. I still look like shit. I walk around the car and meet Marino and Emma by the trunk.

“Ready?” he asks.

I take a deep breath and say, “No.”

He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “I got you.” He says. I close my eyes and relax a bit. I keep a hold of his hand and take Emma’s in my other one.

We walk to the building and realize how crowded the parking lot is. As we get closer to the door, I feel my heart beating fast, too damn fast.  I hold onto Marino’s hand tighter and make sure Emma is okay. He squeezes my hand and continues walking inside the door. I start feeling nauseous and stop to make sure that I’m not going to throw up.

“Are you okay?” Marino asks with concern on his face.

“Yes, I just thought I was going to throw up for a moment there. It’s the smell that I can’t stomach right now. Disinfectant and dust.” I say as I try to breathe through my mouth instead of my nose. We wait a few minutes for me to collect myself before walking over to the nurses station. I don’t know who to ask for so we stand patiently until one of the nurse’s sees us and comes over.

“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was waiting” she says with a genuine smile.

“It’s okay, we just got here” I try to smile, but fail miserably.

“Who are you here to visit?” she asks. I don’t know who is actually here so I stand there and let the tears fall from my eyes.

Another nurse walks up and asks, “Are you here with the Peterson family?” I nod my head and she gives me a sad smile. “You must be Sina and this must be little Miss Emma. I’m Laura, one of the nurses here” she says.

“I’ll take you to your family.” She smiles at Emma, then reaches for her hand. Emma looks at her and takes her hand slowly. We follow her down a long hallway and she makes a left turn then stops at room 108. She goes to knock on the door, but I stop her.

“We got it from here, thank you so much,” I say. She smiles at us, then walks back the same way we came.

Marino looks at me and whispers “Are you ready?” I just shrug. I grab Emma’s little hand as she begins to cry, while Marino holds onto mine. I take a deep breath and toe the door open. What I don’t expect was for everyone to be here. I didn’t expect to see a piece of me laying in the bed hooked up to machines. I didn’t expect to see my baby brother lying there dying. I feel everyone’s eyes on me and I don’t give a shit who’s here, because it finally hits me that they’ve all fucking known whats been happening and kept it from me.

I pull Emma to me and say “Baby girl, you go with Rino and wait outside okay? I’m going to talk to your uncle then I’ll call you when it’s your turn okay? I love you baby girl.” And I pull her in for a hug.

She hugs me tighter and says, “I love you forever Mama.”

“Even when the sun doesn't shine baby girl” I tell her as I kiss the top of her head.

I look at Marino “Can you please take her outside for a little bit?” I ask. He pulls me in for a hug then picks Emma up and walks out with her crying quietly on his shoulder.

The door closes and I hear Micah say ,“You came back home.” And I fucking break. I am so angry with everyone, but right now