Monster Hunter Bloodlines - eARC by Larry Correia (read a book .txt) 📕

“It is. These are my associates.” Gutterres gestured at the big one, “Messina.” Then the average height one that could probably still easily bench press me, “Warrington,” and then the skinny one. “LoPresto.”

None of them struck me as particularly priestly. They seemed more soldier than clergy. “Are you the junior exorcist squad then?”

“Hell no,” said Warrington, who also sounded like an American. “If somebody’s head starts spinning around and projectile vomiting, that’s his problem. We got recruited for this because the Church couldn’t get a contingent of the guys with the pikes and stripes here fast enough.”

“Don’t let the festive colors on their dress uniforms fool you,” Gutterres said. “The Swiss Guard are an elite force, and trained to deal with the supernatural, but they are few in number and have other duties as well. After the incident with Franks, the council decided we needed to be able to bring in reliable agents for rapidly unfolding situations around the world. We’ve been keeping tabs on members of the faith who have applicable skillsets in case of need.”

I looked over the three, and they all had that air of no fucks to give, all in a days work, been-there-done-that attitude cultivated by professionals in the fields of applied violence. I’d have bet good money that each of them was some kind of combat vet or their regular day job required door kicking. I’d have to see how they did tonight, because if the Church was using unpaid volunteers for this weekend warrior stuff, MHI was always hiring, paid good, and had medical and dental.

“You guys getting paid for this?”

“We’re just thankful for the opportunity to serve the Lord,” Messina said.

“Their check had still better cash though,” LoPresto muttered under his breath.

“All you need to know is that these men have been briefed on the basic mission of the Secret Guard, so they will do. It is rare for us to utilize outsiders, and then they only work under Secret Guard supervision.”

“Like how you supervised Sonya?” I asked.

Gutterres sighed. “It’s a new program. We’re still working the bugs out . . . So how is our tire-slashing delinquent?”

“She’s alive, but only because MHI rescued her from a lich who was about to eat her.”

“And the stone?” Because of course Gutterres wasn’t offering their services out of the kindness of his heart.

“Well, that’s complicated. She’s got it. Only it’s been somehow magically fused to her body and our smartest people can’t figure out how that happened or how to undo it.”

The Catholics shared an incredulous look between them.

“You’re screwing with us,” said LoPresto.

“Nope. You can go see for yourselves. Last time I talked to her it was floating around inside her chest but somehow miraculously not stopping her heart. Your Order happen to have any rites for that sort of thing?”

“I can check the handbook,” Gutterres said.

“We get a handbook?” Messina asked.

“I was being facetious.”

Then I heard an incoming helicopter. It wasn’t ours. The Hind was parked in its hangar while Skippy and crew bolted on a bunch of illegal weaponry for the night’s festivities. Because what was the point of having an attack helicopter if you couldn’t bust out the good stuff for special occasions? I listened to the distinct sound for a moment.

Warrington identified it first, I was guessing because he’d ridden in one a lot working for Uncle Sam. “Sounds like a Blackhawk.”

Gutterres frowned. “Unless MHI called up the National Guard, it appears your Monster Control Bureau is on the way. From your pained expression I’m assuming you weren’t expecting them?”

“Nope.” After Coslow had told me he’d called off STFU, I’d gotten my hopes up that we could complete this job without the government sticking their nose into our business. Optimism is for suckers.

A pitch-black helicopter with no numbers stenciled on it came into view over the trees. Only the MCB leaned that hard into conspiracy theory stereotypes. I was disappointed they were here, but not surprised. The government could always be counted on to make life complicated.

“Our debate over which of our organizations needs the Ward more becomes moot if the MCB simply seizes it for themselves,” Gutterres said.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” The MCB’s arrival could screw up everything. Plus I’d need to call Skippy and warn him to stop committing felonies. “I’ll deal with them. Head inside the main building, ask for Julie or Earl, they’ll figure out the best place to use you. I’m going to go see what these douchebags want.” I started walking toward the runway. Since the parking lot was full, that was the only place that made sense for the MCB to land.

The noise drew a bunch of other curious Hunters out. I saw Milo standing in the doorway of his workshop, but as soon as he saw who it was, he ran off, probably to hide the evidence of whatever anti-Drekavac projects he’d been working on. MHI paid a lot of taxes and did a lot of paperwork for our regularly purchased explosives, but that didn’t cover some of our off-the-books exotic weapons we’d gotten out of storage, or any of the homebrew stuff of questionable legality Milo was currently mixing together. At least Milo would have the sense to conceal Sonya and the rock and to warn Skippy to hide the missiles.

It was doubtful that this was a random yet unfortunately timed inspection by our governmental overseers. Somebody must have tipped them off about what was going on tonight. Regardless, I couldn’t let them know about the Ward Stone because they’d seize it. And considering how heartless the Feds could be they wouldn’t even care if it was currently stuck to some kid.

I had to shield my eyes from the stinging dust particles as the helicopter got closer. Before it had even touched down all the way, Agent Franks had already hopped out and started walking my way. They’d sent the big man himself, which was a bad sign. Franks had ditched the suit and was geared up for battle, wearing a