She Wore Mourning by P.D. Workman (best desktop ebook reader .txt) 📕

desk with it. He opened it and flipped through the pages for a couple of minutes. Then he stopped, marking the place with his finger.

“Obsessions with Sexual Content and Obsessions with Violent Content,” he announced. “Intrusive thoughts can cause the sufferer great distress. Patients are often reluctant to seek support for fear of being labeled pedophiles, homosexuals, or wife-beaters.”

“What?” Zachary was stunned. He stared at Dr. Snowdon, trying to find the words to express his thoughts. “What are you saying? That Spencer—that OCD patients—can be pedophiles? That’s one of the obsessions that people don’t talk about?”

“No, no, don’t misunderstand.” Dr. Snowdon held up a finger on his other hand as if lecturing a class. “They have intrusive thoughts. Unwarranted fears that they could hurt a child or another loved one. They are not sexual deviants, but they fear that they could be. Imagine how you would feel if you had thoughts about causing harm to your wife or your girlfriend. Or your child. Imagine how you would feel if you had these thoughts constantly, whenever you were around them. You loved them and would never do anything to harm them, yet you constantly imagined doing them violence.”

Zachary tried to understand the concept. “So, it’s not that they want to hurt their child, but hold themselves back…”

“No. They have no desire at all to hurt the child, but they keep seeing themselves doing it.”

“They don’t have a compulsion to hurt them…”

“No. They have intrusive thoughts. Imagine that you don’t want to walk to the edge of a cliff, not because you’re afraid you’ll fall, but because you’re afraid that you will jump.”

Zachary sat back down. He stared at the big book on Snowdon’s desk. “Did Spencer ever tell you he had this kind of intrusive thoughts?”

“People with thoughts like these will rarely go to a doctor for help. It’s a taboo topic. Usually, they will go to great lengths to avoid the triggers, or to avoid getting into a situation where they could act out the intrusive thoughts. Statistically, a patient who is having these kinds of thoughts is less likely to actually do harm to their loved one, not more.”

“Then if Spencer had intrusive thoughts about hurting or killing Declan, he would be highly unlikely to be the one who drowned him. Which makes Isabella the lead suspect again.”

Snowdon didn’t smile or confirm Zachary’s interpretation. Zachary pressed his lips together and tried to figure out what he had missed.

“Putting aside the statistics,” Snowdon said, “your earlier question was what would make someone decide to murder their child? Someone who had, in the past, resorted to drastic measures to completely eliminate the triggers of other obsessive behaviors or intrusive thoughts.”

Zachary made the connection. “So maybe it wasn’t because Declan was messy or disturbed Spencer’s order. It wasn’t that Spencer didn’t want to be distracted or interrupted from his routines. It was because the only way to stop having these violent or sexual intrusive thoughts about his own son was to eliminate the trigger.”

Dr. Snowdon slowly closed the book. “Most people never mention these things to their doctors,” he reiterated. “A doctor would probably have no idea if his patient was having these kinds of thoughts.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

When Zachary got out of his meeting with Dr. Snowdon, he tried to call Isabella. There was no answer. He looked at his watch. It was late enough in the day that she shouldn’t still have been taping. She should have been back at home unless she had shopping or other errands outside the house to be done. He tried several times, and she didn’t answer. Finally, he tried Molly’s phone.

“I need to talk to Isabella,” he said. “She isn’t with you, is she?”

“No. She should be home. Maybe she is just painting and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

“It’s important that I talk to her. Can you call her and see if she’ll answer you? She wouldn’t ignore your call, would she?”

“Don’t count on it,” Molly laughed. “When she gets into a work, she could be on another planet. She wouldn’t know if a tornado blasted through the house.”

“Can you try?”

“Sure, I guess. What’s this about?”

“I need to talk to her about Spencer. About whether he’s ever had a particular set of symptoms.”

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

“I don’t think this is something that Spencer would want to discuss with me, but he may have mentioned it to Isabella.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time in that house. I could probably tell you anything you’re wondering about.”

Zachary didn’t think Spencer would have told his mother-in-law about having thoughts that were so repugnant to him. It was a long shot that he would even have shared them with Isabella.

“I just wondered about intrusive thoughts,” he said lightly. “If you would please call Isabella and see if she’ll answer… I really need to meet with her to get her thoughts.”

Molly sighed. “I’ll do what I can, but if she’s lost in a painting, one of us will probably have to go over to the house to get any response out of her.”

But Molly couldn’t get a response from Isabella. She wasn’t too worried but did want to check it out and make sure Isabella was okay. “I think she’s been getting better, since the hospital. They finally got her to take some meds that seem to be helping. If she’ll keep taking them. Sometimes… suicidal behaviors can be hard to spot.”

Zachary made an effort not to laugh aloud at that. In his experience, very few people even knew what to look for. Depression didn’t always look like depression.

He called Kenzie to see if she could pick him up to take him to the house. Kenzie yawned in his ear. “Yeah, I was already thinking of clocking out early today,” she said. “I don’t know why I’ve been so tired the last few days. Fighting a bug, I guess.” There was a pause. “It’s three-thirty now. Let me finish up, and I’ll pick you up