My Heart's in the Highlands by Angeline Fortin (ebook reader screen TXT) 📕

How was that possible when it all had felt soreal? The pain searing in her arm … in her heart. The life dullingin Ian’s warm eyes until they were flat and lifeless. Mikah bitback a sob as the true pain, the pain of love lost, engulfedher.

“It’s okay, princess,” her father crooned ashe gathered her in his arms as she cried. “It’s easy to beoverwhelmed when something like this happens. Everything will befine.”

Would it really?

A week later, Mikah looked out the airplanewindow as it dragged her away from Scotland. Away from a land thatwas filled with memories of people, places, and a love that hadnever happened. A counselor at the hospital had come to talk to herfollowing the accident, their standard practice after near-deathexperiences.

Hesitantly she had mentioned what hadhappened, where she had gone, what she had done and felt. How realit had all been. The shrink had looked skeptical and uncomfortable.Mikah could hardly blame him when she thought the whole thingincredible as well.

What she had come away with from all thetechnical jargon the uncomfortable therapist had imparted was thatstrange things happened to people who “died.” The experiences werewidely varied. Some saw a bright light or the faces of past lovedones. Others had horrific visions or felt nothing at all. It wouldpass, Mikah was told, with time and therapy. She had a life, withfamily and friends who loved her. He said she shouldn’t dwell toodeeply on the experience when she had so much to live for.

With a comforting pat on the hand, thecounselor had left and not returned.

He hadn’t understood her at all, or perhapsMikah had not explained it very well. Talking about it had onlymade it worse, more real rather than more of a dream. She had criedand stuttered ridiculously, making a fool of herself. Breaking herheart all over again. How could she explain or justify loving adream? How could she expect anyone to understand the pain that ateat her heart and soul?

Her father might understand if he believedher tale at all. Or her mom. The two of them loved deeply andobviously. From their stories, Mikah knew that they had met andfallen in love at sixteen, when no one had believed it would last.They had never dated anyone else. In the forty years since, withthirty-five years of a marriage and five children, they had rarelybeen parted.

Mom had told Mikah when she was just ateenager that Sean Bauer was her soul mate. Finally she understoodwhat that felt like.

“All right, princess?” Sean asked withconcern, and Mikah turned away from the window with a tight smileand a nod. It would do no good to worry those who loved her. Theywould worry not over her loss but her very sanity.

Still she couldn’t help but ask: “Dad, howwould you feel if Mom died?”

“You’re going to be fine, you know,” he saidreassuringly, taking her hand.

“I know,” she lied. “I’m just wondering.”

Watching him think about it, Mikah didn’teven need to hear his answer. It was there for her in the dull,sorrowful look in his eyes, in the tension that held his body. Shecould almost feel how his heart slowed and thudded unpleasantly. Hesaid it anyway.

“I guess I would die a little as well.”

Yes, that was it exactly.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Milwaukee Museum of Art

Milwaukee, WI

November 2012

“Mikah! What are you doing here? It’s thebiggest shopping day of the year! Go home!”

“You think I’m going to brave those crowds,Bernie?” Mikah called over her shoulder on the way to her office,spinning her key ring around one finger. “I might be crazy but I’mnot downright stupid!”

The front desk attendant at the Milwaukee ArtMuseum laughed and waved, and Mikah joined in until her office doorclosed behind her. The smile faded away as Mikah shed her coat,scarf, and purse and dropped into her office chair with a wearysigh, as if forcing happiness took a lot of effort to maintain.

And it did.

The last two months had been filled withpeople hovering about her with open concern. While she appreciatedtheir caring, she had quickly tired of everyone voicing theirworries and had decided the quickest way to solve the problem wasto be happy … or at make them all think she was.

It was getting harder and harder to dobecause some part of Mikah was certain that their jokes about beingcrazy weren’t simply jests. Why else would that dream adhere to herso? This wasn’t like before, when it had been a few random, vaguedreams. Now it clung to her like a memory that wouldn’t fade, andshe didn’t know how to make it go away.

Of course, there was part of her that didn’treally want to. She wanted to keep Ian alive in her mind and heart.And that was simply nuts.

She had talked over the problem with a fewtrusted friends, who provided honest sympathy but told her that shejust needed to let it go. Date. Have fun. Live a little. She wouldnever meet new guys if all she ever did was go to work and go home.They teased that it would require a little more variety thanthat.

Mikah had even gone to see a psychologist,who had told her the same thing. Not in so many words, obviously,but the gist of their sessions had been the same.

Only her best friend, Kris, had agreed thatshe’d gone around the bend.

Pure honesty; she loved that about Kris.

Acceptance is always the first step inconquering any obsession. But Mikah was dragging herself to thesecond step just as she did when she dragged herself to work eachday, and it wasn’t just the snow and slush of early winter holdingher back. When she had first gotten back from Scotland, she’ddreamt of Ian again and again, reliving those finals moments on thebalcony.

Never the tender moments or the sensual ones,like she had known before any of this started. Just the terror andpain. Reliving his death over and over until she would wakescreaming, her heartache tearing her to pieces.

Now there was nothing. She hadn’t had a dreamof Ian in weeks. It was if the story that had been building in hermind her entire