THE CONTROL: An Arranged Marriage Romance by Elena Monroe (ebook reader android .txt) 📕

was a single glass on the armrest full of alcohol and a box of tissues he had pushed closer to me.

I could tell Bowen was afraid of me, pacing the hallway waiting for me to need him right outside the bounds of the living room. I finally came undone and it was poorly timed.

Elias announced that he would be moving to LA to keep an eye on me, and my happily ever shuddered at the idea of how unstable it truly was.

I would never be okay until that particular demon wasn’t strong enough to discourage, distract, and deceive me.

Nothing is permanent with him walking the same earth as me.

Catatonic isn’t ugly; it’s hard to swallow. Someone gave up enough to condemn themselves to turning it all off, that’s what catatonic is. With a snap of my fingers and the threat of Elias I turned it all off. The tears streaming down my face weren’t accompanied with violent threats of my limbs or the inability to breath. Those tears went rogue.

I felt nothing but the wet trails dampening my cheeks in a response to my happy days being numbered, and Bowen didn’t even understand what was so truly wrong with Elias being here. He only saw the outside of the trauma when the inside was so dark; I had to protect him from its heaviness.

I was mentally counting the number of steps Bowen took down the hall, half glancing my direction while my body feeling anchored to this spot on the couch. The footsteps seemed to drift off, fading into the background noise of my mind when my attention suddenly collided with him yelling, “Because I fucking said so!”

Whatever he was yelling about seemed to elicit every ounce of emotion he had and it made my chest tighten with jealousy.

I want to be the sole source of those emotions.

Call it toxic; I call it reality.

That alone dragged me kicking and screaming back from the catatonic state I was drowning in.

I realized I may not have any real power against Elias, but I had a happy ending to enjoy… until he ruins it.

I coughed around the glass, inhaling the contents when Bowen came running into the room with a panic glazing over him. Holding up a hand I finished the drink before speaking, “Guess you have questions… it’s only fair. You told me something so personal I wanted to lock it away.” Poking my own chest, I made it clear his secrets were mine, hidden away inside my heart.

Leaning against the door frame he let his features smooth out into calm again. “Please just tell me who Elias is, Eve.”

“My tormentor.”

“Define tormentor.” He was quick, too quick. It was mental tennis and if you couldn’t keep up, he found the weaknesses. Truths too, probably.

Sitting back into the couch, I hoped to sink in enough to disappear when Elias ran through my mind, dragging all the bad memories with him until I felt my throat tickle with the threat of throwing up. I tried to push it back down, but my cheeks tingled, my stomach turned, and I was rushing to the bathroom before it came up in front of Bowen. Barely enough time to close the door, I dropped down to my knees in front of the toilet and let the bad memories come up with the bile.

Normal people don’t enjoy throwing up, but I relished in it. The feeling of purging was cleansing and when it was over, I felt light without all the bad things weighing me down.

Once I worshipped the porcelain, all the feelings of having to throw up dissipated, vanishing. I pushed my fingers past my lips and didn’t let them stop until I gagged around my own bones forcing my stomach to clench. Everything came up including my dignity when I told myself I wouldn’t do this again after my mom pinched my skin and made it seem like I was a disgrace to her royalty.

I swore I wouldn’t just survive anymore.

I swore I wouldn’t make Bowen live if I was just getting by.

I swore I wouldn’t let myself hurt in my happy ending.

Sitting back, I stared at the toilet, letting my shoulder blades cut into the wall behind me, ashamed of how much I folded under the pressure of Elias. I was so ashamed I wanted to force myself to stare at what I had just done until I understood all the ways Bowen slowly killed himself.

The knock on the door made reality crash down around me when Bowen was standing outside, talking through the wall between us, “Are you all right?” He must have heard me throw up if he was asking if I was okay and a heat flooded my cheeks.

Standing up, I pulled the door open slowly, letting him see me. “Just an upset stomach. I’m fine.” I pushed past him, making my way to the kitchen for some water to smooth over the look of anger on his face.

Holding his arms to his chest, I felt him following me. “I’ve heard you get up in the middle of the night, Eve. It’s not the first time I’ve heard you throwing up. Any more demons I should know about?”

Standing between the fridge and the island, I spun around so fast I felt myself heating up again. “Anymore demons? Like the ones I didn’t know you had until we were in too deep? The Henny? The cutting? Priests? None of it confirmed. You weren’t honest with me. I had to stumble around in the dark until I tripped over your demons.” I felt the yelling I was doing crawl up to my heart, stopping it from beating. I had never purposely hurt Bowen and right now I was shoving his demons down his throat and hoping he would choke on them.

He kept the