A New Dream by Maggie Ford (world of reading .TXT) 📕

‘I did love her,’ Ginny sobbed.

‘I did too,’ said Julia, holding her tightly, trying to still the sobbing.

During the funeral service and around the graveside, she kept thinking, Did I love her? Did I ever love her?

The question prompted a disturbing sense of having merely pretended affection for her mother during all those years of caring for her, suffering Victoria’s endless complaints about her situation and her refusal to move on after the loss of her husband. Julia alone had got her mother and the rest of the family through the bad times, always trying to get Victoria to find a little more courage to face the world as life improved. But she never had and her attitude had soured any love Julia had ever had for her. As she watched the coffin being gently lowered into the ground, she was shaken by a sudden realization; that all along there had lurked in her a tiny seed of resentment against her mother.

She confided those thoughts to her brother as the funeral party came away. It didn’t seem appropriate to say such things to Simon. But all James said was, ‘You did your best, Sis. No one could have done more than you’ve done for us.’

He had been philosophical about his mother’s death, accepting it as inevitable, sooner or later.

‘Thanks to you, Sis, Mother was at least comfortably off when she died, and had no worries to plague her at the end,’ he said as the funeral guests said their goodbyes to each other to go their separate ways.

So that was it. Her mother was dead. The family would scatter with no focal point to keep it together any longer, though in recent years its members had found that focal point more a chore than a pleasure. James and Caroline had seldom come to see Victoria, and nor had Stephanie and Edward. They had their own little families to carry them onward.

Once Ginny and Robert were married, Ginny would no longer work for her. As a newly married woman she would automatically give up work to take on the role of wife to the man she loved. Ginny though, unlike the other two, promised to continue to visit. ‘We must always keep in touch, always!’ she would say to Julia time after time, as if she regretted having to give up her modelling.

Even so Julia was already feeling deserted. Simon seemed to be taking her for granted more and more, that passion they’d once known dwindling into the commonplace. Would marriage to him make any difference now?

What did brighten her, guiltily, was the prospect of seeing Chester. Aware of her growing pleasure in these meetings she’d told him several times that she couldn’t see him on a regular basis, emphasizing that they were merely old friends. But his agreement to that did little to quell the excited churning in her stomach as they drove to a little restaurant somewhere. She couldn’t help feeling as if there were something grubby about their meetings, yet he never gave the slightest indication of having any ulterior designs on her.

To offset her own feelings she’d make a point of talking about Simon, her business, her family, or listened to him speaking of his life. She no longer felt angry with him; too much water had flowed under the bridge since the end of their relationship, and she was aware that he’d also had his share of trouble, compelled to submit to his parents’ will and now going through a divorce. She even told herself that in the long run she had done better than he, and insisted to herself that they were just old friends. So why did she experience this churning excitement?

This afternoon she sat beside him in the car, the early June sunshine pouring down on them tempered by the slight breeze created by the moving vehicle. Taking the back streets, they headed towards the Ritz but a little beforehand he slowed the car and came to a stop by Green Park.

‘I thought we might not have tea yet,’ he said. ‘It’s a lovely afternoon. We could take a stroll in the park instead and have tea afterwards.’

It was such a splendid afternoon that she readily agreed. There would be no need for small talk; they could just walk and enjoy the fresh air.

They said little to each other; there seemed nothing much really to talk about, and she was beginning to think about getting back home. She even found herself wondering why she continued to see him, calling herself an idiot. She was on the verge of telling him there was no point in either of them continuing to meet, when he suddenly remarked, ‘You must be feeling quite thirsty by now.’

‘Gasping,’ she said, smiling.

He looked about at the expanse of trees and lawns and pulled a face. ‘There doesn’t seem anywhere to get a drink.’

‘We passed a kiosk as we came in,’ she suggested, but he brightened.

‘You know, we’re not far from my place. In fact it’s just over there.’ He pointed towards their left. ‘We’re so near. Blow going back to the kiosk! We can have a proper drink.’

Julia bit her lip. ‘I don’t think so, Chester.’

‘Why, for heaven’s sake?’

‘I have to be getting back very soon.’

‘We’ve only been out half an hour or so. It’s just a quick drink. It’s so very hot. You’ll feel nice and refreshed to return home. If I know you, you’ll plough straight into work and won’t drink anything at all. On a hot day like this, that won’t do you any good. Come on,’ he coaxed, laughing.

There was no hint of any hidden design in his laugh and she laughed in turn at herself for that fleeting touch of suspicion. And she did feel frightfully thirsty.

‘Then we can walk back to the car. It’s only a short distance,’ he was calling over his shoulder as he led the way at a quickening pace, almost leaving her to trail behind.