Angel Falls (Angel Falls Series, #1) by Babette Jongh (an ebook reader TXT) 📕

“Ahhh,” I drew my knees back. Twined my fingers in his short, dark hair. “Ahhh, Ian, that feels so good... so good...” And yet, and yet. What I really wanted was the pressure of his body inside mine. I grabbed his shoulders, tried to pull him up.

He kissed a line up my stomach. His chest brushed against my belly as he paused to tease each breast with his mouth. He kissed my neck, my jaw, my chin. Captured my mouth with his lips, still holding the tangy taste of my body. I welcomed his kiss, dragged his underwear down, tossed it aside.

He stopped kissing me. His eyes searched mine. “What happened to no-sex-without-commitment?”

“I don’t know. Tomorrow I may change my mind again.”

His arms trembled as he held his weight above me. “Would it help if I told you I love you?”

My heart stopped. The blood in my veins stopped moving. Every cell of my body stood still, waiting. “Do you?”

“Yes, God help me.” He kissed me once, hard. “I do. I love you.”

“Oh, Ian.” My heart expanded in my chest from the sheer joy of hearing those words. “I love you, too.”

*

Back at home a few days later, I set aside my dog-eared copy of Dragonfly in Amber and dragged myself up off the couch. Even my imagination’s conjuring of Jamie Fraser couldn’t compete with my conflicted thoughts today.

Ian had brought me home on Monday then gone back to South Carolina alone the next day. All my doubts and insecurities had returned to take his place.

To have a relationship with Ian, I’d have to be willing to leave everything—my parents, the business I’d built—and follow him to South Carolina. Maybe I could, but he wouldn’t be staying in South Carolina, either. For all I knew, his next move might be to Alaska.

Ian’s nomadic existence of buying, selling, and moving on wouldn’t allow me to have the sort of studio I wanted, where I could build relationships with my students and their families, and watch my students grow and learn and become proficient dancers. It wouldn’t provide the stability to raise a family, and even though I didn’t want children right away, one day I would.

My own children.

Mine and Ian’s.

But unless he decided to stay, either here or somewhere else, I feared that Ian and I had no future together, and those maybe-children would never be born.

“Come on, Lizzie girl. We’re getting too lazy.” Days of rain had imposed laziness upon us, coming down with a vengeance without stopping until it was good and done. But now the sun was out, and any laziness from this point on would be self-imposed. “We need to go for a walk.”

At the magic word, walk, Lizzie lit up like I’d plugged her in. She could hardly contain herself while I put on my hoodie. In two days, it would be Thanksgiving, but it was warm enough to go without a heavy coat. She hurtled down the porch steps and waited on the street corner while I locked the door.

We jogged toward the river, turned at The Riverboat, passed the tennis courts, headed away from town along River Road past the big old antebellum houses that lined the river bluffs. A few minutes later, Lizzie and I walked through the tall cemetery gates.

Melody’s grave was almost all the way to the back, a shiny pink granite headstone topped with an angel statue. The angel’s Madonna face looked down, her wings spread out to the back. I knew Melody wasn’t lying under that pink marble marker. I knew she’d be with us all wherever we needed her.

She’ll be with Maryann on her first date. She’ll be with Jake when he goes out with friends and does stupid things he knows he shouldn’t. She’ll be with Amy at night, when she stares into the dark and waits to fall asleep.

“Melody.” I rubbed Lizzie’s ears back down when they pricked up from the sound of my voice. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do what you asked me to.” I stroked Lizzie’s ears again, watching her eyes sparkle in the lowering sun. “I’ve realized that the thing they need most is for me to leave them alone and let them find their own way. I did try to help. But with me there, Ben didn’t have to be around. And it’s him the kids need most. They all need each other now, without interference from an outsider.”

As I heard myself say that word, I realized that was exactly what I was. An outsider. No matter how hard I tried to be what they needed, I would always be an outsider. I knew they loved me, and I loved them, but that didn’t matter. I was still just an outsider.

The air cooled while I talked to my friend. The sun edged below the treetops along the river, turning everything yellow, then orange, then pink. “I should go, Mel. I just wanted you to know I won’t be able to do what you asked. I’ll still be part of your kids’ lives, but I won’t be there every day, or even every week, maybe. I have to keep my distance so they can work out their own way as a family.”

Then I realized something I hadn’t thought of before. “I’ll stay here in Angel Falls, just in case they need me.” I couldn’t follow Ian to South Carolina. Thinking about giving up everything to be with him was one thing, but actually doing it would be impossible. Not because of the ballet studio. Not even because of my parents. Even living in the same town, we didn’t see each other every week. But I had to stay close enough that I could come running if Mel’s kids needed me.

Until Ben met someone who could take Melody’s place in their lives, I had to stay here.

The thought felt like a weight on my soul, but another weight had lifted.

I knew now, as clearly as