Ragged Trousered Philanthropists by Robert Tressell (fiction novels to read .txt) 📕
Another answer is that `The Philanthropists' is not a treatise oressay, but a novel. My main object was to write a readable story fullof human interest and based on the happenings of everyday life, thesubject of Socialism being treated incidentally.
This was the task I set myself. To what extent I have succeeded isfor others to say; but whatever their verdict, the work possesses atleast one merit - that of being true. I have invented nothing. Thereare no scenes or incidents in the story that I have not eitherwitnessed myself or had conclusive evidence of. As far as I dared Ilet th
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‘avin’ a look at the moon through that big telescope. I was never so
surprised in me life: you can see it quite plain, and it’s round!’
`Round?’ said Didlum with a puzzled look. `Round? Of course it’s
round! You didn’t used to think it was square, did yer?’
`No, of course not, but I always used to think it was flat - like a
plate, but it’s round like a football.’
`Certainly: the moon is a very simler body to the earth,’ explained
Didlum, describing an aerial circle with a wave of his hand. They
moves through the air together, but the earth is always nearest to the
sun and consequently once a fortnight the shadder of the earth falls
on the moon and darkens it so that it’s invisible to the naked eye.
The new moon is caused by the moon movin’ a little bit out of the
earth’s shadder, and it keeps on comin’ more and more until we gets
the full moon; and then it goes back again into the shadder; and so it
keeps on.’
For about a minute everyone looked very solemn, and the profound
silence was disturbed only the the crunching of the biscuits between
the jaws of Mr Bosher, and by certain gurglings in the interior of
that gentleman.
`Science is a wonderful thing,’ said Mr Sweater at length, wagging his
head gravely, `wonderful!’
`Yes: but a lot of it is mere theory, you know,’ observed Rushton.
`Take this idear that the world is round, for instance; I fail to see
it! And then they say as Hawstralia is on the other side of the
globe, underneath our feet. In my opinion it’s ridiculous, because if
it was true, wot’s to prevent the people droppin’ orf?’
`Yes: well, of course it’s very strange,’ admitted Sweater. `I’ve
often thought of that myself. If it was true, we ought to be able to
walk on the ceiling of this room, for instance; but of course we know
that’s impossible, and I really don’t see that the other is any more
reasonable.’
`I’ve often noticed flies walkin’ on the ceilin’,’ remarked Didlum,
who felt called upon to defend the globular theory.
`Yes; but they’re different,’ replied Rushton. `Flies is provided by
nature with a gluey substance which oozes out of their feet for the
purpose of enabling them to walk upside down.’
`There’s one thing that seems to me to finish that idear once for
all,’ said Grinder, `and that is - water always finds its own level.
You can’t get away from that; and if the world was round, as they want
us to believe, all the water would run off except just a little at the
top. To my mind, that settles the whole argymint.’
`Another thing that gets over me,’ continued Rushton, `is this:
according to science, the earth turns round on its axle at the rate of
twenty miles a minit. Well, what about when a lark goes up in the sky
and stays there about a quarter of an hour? Why, if it was true that
the earth was turnin’ round at that rate all the time, when the bird
came down it would find itself ‘undreds of miles away from the place
where it went up from! But that doesn’t ‘appen at all; the bird
always comes down in the same spot.’
`Yes, and the same thing applies to balloons and flyin’ machines,’
said Grinder. `If it was true that the world is spinnin’ round on its
axle so quick as that, if a man started out from Calais to fly to
Dover, by the time he got to England he’d find ‘imself in North
America, or p’r’aps farther off still.’
`And if it was true that the world goes round the sun at the rate they
makes out, when a balloon went up, the earth would run away from it!
They’d never be able to get back again!’ remarked Rushton.
This was so obvious that nearly everyone said there was probably
something in it, and Didlum could think of no reply. Mr Bosher upon
being appealed to for his opinion, explained that science was alright
in its way, but unreliable: the things scientists said yesterday they
contradicted today, and what they said today they would probably
repudiate tomorrow. It was necessary to be very cautious before
accepting any of their assertions.
`Talking about science,’ said Grinder, as the holy man relapsed into
silence and started on another biscuit and a fresh cup of tea.
`Talking about science reminds me of a conversation I ‘ad with Dr
Weakling the other day. You know, he believes we’re all descended
from monkeys.’
Everyone laughed; the thing was so absurd: the idea of placing
intellectual beings on a level with animals!
`But just wait till you hear how nicely I flattened ‘im out,’
continued Grinder. `After we’d been arguin’ a long time about wot ‘e
called everlution or some sich name, and a lot more tommy-rot that I
couldn’t make no ‘ead or tail of - and to tell you the truth I don’t
believe ‘e understood ‘arf of it ‘imself - I ses to ‘im, “Well,” I
ses, “if it’s true that we’re hall descended from monkeys,” I ses, “I
think your famly must ‘ave left orf where mine begun.”’
In the midst of the laughter that greeted the conclusion of Grinder’s
story it was seen that Mr Bosher had become black in the face. He was
waving his arms and writhing about like one in a fit, his goggle eyes
bursting from their sockets, whilst his huge stomach quivering
spasmodically, alternately contracted and expanded as if it were about
to explode.
In the exuberance of his mirth, the unfortunate disciple had swallowed
two biscuits at once. Everybody rushed to his assistance, Grinder and
Didlum seized an arm and a shoulder each and forced his head down.
Rushton punched him in the back and the ladies shrieked with alarm.
They gave him a big drink of tea to help to get the biscuits down, and
when he at last succeeded in swallowing them he sat in the armchair
with his eyes red-rimmed and full of tears, which ran down over his
white, flabby face.
The arrival of the other members of the committee put an end to the
interesting discussion, and they shortly afterwards proceeded with the
business for which the meeting had been called - the arrangements for
the forthcoming Rummage Sale.
The Brigands at Work
The next day, at the meeting of the Town Council, Mr Wireman’s report
concerning the Electric Light Works was read. The expert’s opinion
was so favourable - and it was endorsed by the Borough Engineer, Mr
Oyley Sweater - that a resolution was unanimously carried in favour of
acquiring the Works for the town, and a secret committee was appointed
to arrange the preliminaries. Alderman Sweater then suggested that a
suitable honorarium be voted to Mr Wireman for his services. This was
greeted with a murmur of approval from most of the members, and Mr
Didlum rose with the intention of proposing a resolution to that
effect when he was interrupted by Alderman Grinder, who said he
couldn’t see no sense in giving the man a thing like that. `Why not
give him a sum of money?’
Several members said `Hear, hear,’ to this, but some of the others
laughed.
`I can’t see nothing to laugh at,’ cried Grinder angrily. `For my
part I wouldn’t give you tuppence for all the honorariums in the
country. I move that we pay ‘im a sum of money.’
`I’ll second that,’ said another member of the Band - one of those who
had cried `Hear, Hear.’
Alderman Sweater said that there seemed to be a little
misunderstanding and explained that an honorarium WAS a sum of money.
`Oh, well, in that case I’ll withdraw my resolution,’ said Grinder.
`I thought you wanted to give ‘im a ‘luminated address or something
like that.’
Didlum now moved that a letter of thanks and a fee of fifty guineas be
voted to Mr Wireman, and this was also unanimously agreed to. Dr
Weakling said that it seemed rather a lot, but he did not go so far as
to vote against it.
The next business was the proposal that the Corporation should take
over the drain connecting Mr Sweater’s house with the town main. Mr
Sweater - being a public-spirited man - proposed to hand this
connecting drain - which ran through a private road - over to the
Corporation to be theirs and their successors for ever, on condition
that they would pay him the cost of construction - �55 - and agreed to
keep it in proper repair. After a brief discussion it was decided to
take over the drain on the terms offered, and then Councillor Didlum
proposed a vote of thanks to Alderman Sweater for his generosity in
the matter: this was promptly seconded by Councillor Rushton and would
have been carried nem. con., but for the disgraceful conduct of Dr
Weakling, who had the bad taste to suggest that the amount was about
double what the drain could possibly have cost to construct, that it
was of no use to the Corporation at all, and that they would merely
acquire the liability to keep it in repair.
However, no one took the trouble to reply to Weakling, and the Band
proceeded to the consideration of the next business, which was Mr
Grinder’s offer - on behalf of the `Cosy Corner Refreshment Company’ -
to take the Kiosk on the Grand Parade. Mr Grinder submitted a plan of
certain alterations that he would require the Corporation to make at
the Kiosk, and, provided the Council agreed to do this work he was
willing to take a lease of the place for five years at �20 per year.
Councillor Didlum proposed that the offer of the `Cosy Corner
Refreshment Co. Ltd’ be accepted and the required alterations
proceeded with at once. The Kiosk had brought in no rent for nearly
two years, but, apart from that consideration, if they accepted this
offer they would be able to set some of the unemployed to work.
(Applause.)
Councillor Rushton seconded.
Dr Weakling pointed out that as the proposed alterations would cost
about �175 - according to the estimate of the Borough Engineer - and,
the rent being only �20 a year, it would mean that the Council would
be �75 out of pocket at the end of the five years; to say nothing of
the expense of keeping the place in repair during all that time.
(Disturbance.) He moved as an amendment that the alterations be made,
and that they then invite tenders, and let the place to the highest
bidder. (Great uproar.)
Councillor Rushton said he was disgusted with the attitude taken up by
that man Weakling. (Applause.) Perhaps it was hardly right to call
him a man. (Hear! Hear!) In the matter of these alterations they had
had the use of Councillor Grinder’s brains: it was he who first
thought of making these improvements in the Kiosk, and therefore he -
or rather the company he represented - had a moral right to the
tenancy. (Loud cheers.)
Dr Weakling said that he thought it was understood that when a man was
elected to that Council it was because he was supposed to be willing
to use his brains for the benefit of his constituents. (Sardonic
laughter.)
The Mayor asked if there was any seconder to Weakling’s amendment, and
as there was not the original proposition was put and carried.
Councillor Rushton suggested that a large shelter with seating
accommodation for about two
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