The Bookshop of Second Chances by Jackie Fraser (best life changing books .TXT) 📕

‘Ah yes, the Maltravers brow.’

‘Some of them looked a lot like you, your ancestors.’

‘Poor bastards.’

I snort. ‘Yeah right. Because firstly, being hideous doesn’t matter when you’re rich, and secondly, you’re not hideous are you?’

‘I’ve got a gloomy sort of face, I always think.’

‘No, you’re just a gloomy sort of person.’

‘I am not.’

‘Well, cross then.’ I grin at him. ‘You know what you were saying earlier, about when we went to the Shed. I remember thinking maybe that’s what you’re really like, how you were that day. The real you. Not so grumpy.’

‘I am not grumpy.’ He moves his hand under the covers, warm on my hip.

‘You’re not grumpy at the moment,’ I agree. ‘It makes a nice change. I mean you were terribly grumpy when you got here. And I assume since last week.’

He looks away. ‘Yes, that’s fair. I was – I got myself into a bit of a state.’

‘You could have just talked to me about it. Why on earth didn’t you?’

‘I didn’t think I could. I didn’t think… Well, bloody hell. I’d never have believed I’d ever be here, in your bed.’

‘No, it is quite unexpected, I think.’

‘I’m pleased though,’ he says, ‘it’s much better than being upset and by myself.’

‘No one wants that.’

‘No. So. What do you want?’

‘I don’t know.’

I think I’m afraid. Not of him, no – of this, of the potential of this moment. I don’t know what shows on my face, but he frowns again, and strokes my cheek lightly with one finger.

‘If you’ve changed your mind–’

‘No, no, I just… It’s odd.’

‘Why is it odd?’

‘I’m not sure. Mostly I think it’s because I never imagined, truly imagined, that I’d ever be in bed with someone else. So that’s odd. And then I never imagined I’d be in bed with you.’ I laugh. ‘Ah. That’s a massive lie.’

‘What is?’

‘That I’ve never imagined this. I tried not to. I tried so hard not to.’

‘Oh yeah,’ he says, nodding. ‘I remember, ’cos you wouldn’t fuck me if I begged you?’

This makes me laugh a lot. ‘Ha, oh lord. Well, I might. If you really begged. Mind you, that was mean, but what you said was much worse.’

‘It was. I’m sorry. It was a horrible thing to say. I just wanted to say something awful. I didn’t want you to forgive me, so I said the worst thing I could think of.’ He takes my hand and kisses it. ‘Because I’m an arsehole, you remember.’

‘Oh yeah.’ I think for a moment and put my hand on his chest. ‘I’ve just thought of something.’

‘Always thinking, you.’

‘I am, yeah.’

‘And?’

‘Well, we can’t have sex.’

He frowns, then opens his eyes wide. ‘We can’t? That’s a blow.’

‘I know, isn’t it? I hadn’t thought about the logistics.’

He laughs. ‘The logistics? There’s a romantic phrase. What on earth do you mean?’

‘I mean I’m not… I wasn’t expecting to ever have sex again. And certainly not while I’m up here. So I’m not prepared.’

‘Prepared? Psychologically?’

I think he’s teasing me.

‘No condoms or cap or pill or anything. No contraception.’

‘Ah, yeah, fair enough. I’m not prepared either. If we were at mine, it would be okay, but I didn’t – I really didn’t – expect that this would happen.’

‘You haven’t got a useful wallet full of condoms then?’

‘Sadly not. We’ll have to improvise,’ he says. ‘But this might mean we have to stop talking. Will that be okay?’

‘I suppose so,’ I say, and then we’re kissing again.

Sometime later, Edward says, ‘So here’s an idea.’

‘Mm?’

‘We could drive into town. To the flat. There are condoms at my house.’

‘Oh yeah. You did say.’

‘And although I think we did okay without–’

‘Yeah, it was all right, wasn’t it?’

We grin at each other.

‘Not bad. Not bad at all. But you know, we could…’

‘Properly do it.’

He laughs again. ‘Yeah.’

‘I admit that’s tempting. But it’s warm in here, I don’t know if I want to get up.’

‘You don’t have to get up immediately. It’s only – what time is it?’

I turn so I can see the clock. ‘Nearly six.’

‘Hm. So we could stay here a bit longer. And then go to mine. If you wanted.’

I think for a moment. ‘Can I have my job back?’

‘Is that what this is about?’ He shakes his head. ‘Mercenary.’

I laugh. ‘Wouldn’t it be? Watch me progress my so-called career by sleeping with my boss. Soon I’ll take over the company. It’s very exciting. So?’

He looks at me long enough for me to think perhaps he’ll say no. Then he grins. ‘All right then. If you behave yourself.’

‘I’ll be extremely professional, don’t worry.’

‘Not too professional, I hope. I’m going to be flirting with you pretty much constantly.’

‘Pfft. I’m not sure I’ll be able to tell that’s what you’re doing. Does it just involve you not shouting at me?’

Twenty-Three

We get dressed and drive into town. We take both cars because I don’t want to be trapped with no escape route. He looks at me seriously when I say this. I explain that I don’t think I’ll need to escape, but I just spent two days without access to my car and it was tedious. I’d prefer we drove in together, but I’m trying to be – what, sensible? I don’t feel very sensible. I can hardly concentrate on driving for thinking about what it was like in bed earlier.

I park away from the shop, by the town hall. I couldn’t tell you exactly why I do this. It means I get wet, running across the square. Luckily, he’s unlocked the door and is waiting for me. We stand in the darkness, surrounded by the books. I realize I genuinely thought I’d never be in here again. I’m full of joy to be back.

He closes the door behind me and locks it, pulling down the blind. Usually when we close the shop, I’m outside. Tonight, though, things are different. I’m not going home later – I’ll be locked in for the long haul. It’s exciting.

‘D’you know what?’ he asks.

‘Nope, what?’

‘I am