Lauren Takes Leave by Gerstenblatt, Julie (ebooks children's books free txt) 📕

country club–like women’s facilities in Bedford?Maybe I can plea insanity and get placed in an outpatient psychiatry program,with other upstanding citizens: moms, wives, and teachers who just went off theedge one day like I did, and only looked back after it was too late.

Although, I’ve got to say, I’m not feeling all that muchregret right now. What did I really do wrong? I mean, sure, I lied to myemployer and my family. I drank a lot of alcohol and peed in someone’s bushesafter gouging her face with my heel. I got on a plane and hung out with a bunchof cool people, famous, infamous, and non-famous alike. I kissed a man who isnot my husband, after watching him do the worm. I got a tattoo and danced on aparade float.

Instead of acting forty, I acted like a college freshmanon her first spring break.

But! I also helped some friends in need. Kat was going offthe deep end with the psychic hotline. After kissing Shay Greene, she needed tovacay pronto, and thanks to me, that was possible. And when Jodi’s grandmotherdied, who was there to make sure the body could get on the airplane in a timelyfashion? Well, Tim Cubix did that, really. Tim Cubix and me.

Tim Cubix and me.

That cracks me up in like ten thousand different ways.

I can’t wait to tell Doug all about it.

Then I remember I can’t, and I feel lousy all over again.

When Doug and the policeman don’t return after abouteight minutes, I start to freak out. I wonder if Doug is trying to blackmailthe guy by showing him my meager jewelry collection, or teaching him how tohack in to a popular pay-per-view porno website for free.

I stand up and move around the downstairs, trying tolocate where they are on the second floor. I hear murmuring above me from thefar side of the kitchen and know that they are in the office over the garage,where we keep the computer.

Creaking on the back stairs lets me know that the men arecoming down to the kitchen. I grab a magazine from the pile of mail and pretendto be flipping through it at the center island, casually, as they enter theroom.

“So,” I say, gathering my courage. “Do you need to take medown to the courthouse or something? Book me on charges of abandonment or recklessendangerment or cutting class or whatever it is you’re here for?”

Doug’s head snaps up and he looks at me with sheerconfusion. The police officer does the same. “You, Mrs. Worthing?”

“Yes. Me,” I say, feeling very brave, holding my chin highin the air, like an actress playing the role of a falsely convicted death rowinmate about to be taken to the electric chair.

“Well, I can’t see why I would do that.” He laughsuncomfortably, shifting his eyes toward Doug.

Doug shakes his head and locks his eyes on mine. “Lauren.Martha Carrington thought you had been murdered. The officer came hereto question me.”

“What!” I drop the magazine. Doug’s finger moves tosilence me again, but I won’t stay quiet, not this time. “I’m not dead!”

The officer laughs. “Yes, well. I can see that.”

“Not dead yet,” Doug mumbles, raising his eyebrowsat me.

The officer clears his throat and looks chagrinned. “Well,thank you for presenting me with your very alive wife, Mr. Worthing. It seemsthat I won’t be needing you to come down to the station with me after all.”

I wait for him to leave, but he’s pretty rooted to thespot. I look up, wondering what the holdup is. Then the officer looks at me.

“Mrs. Carrington was quite agitated when we spoke on thephone yesterday. She said you had been acting erratically—calling the schooland then hanging up in the middle of a conversation, hiding your face from herat the doctor’s office—and she feared that you were in an abusive relationship,too fearful to reach out for help. I’ll give her a ring once I get back to thestation, but I think you should call her yourself. Once she knows the facts,I’m sure she’ll be much relieved.”

The facts? The last thing I want Martha to know are anyand all facts.

Although she did try to, you know, save me from Doug, thewife-beating murderer. Which is nice of her, in a completely misguided way.

The cop seems embarrassed, and I wonder exactly what Dougwas showing him upstairs. But then his words confuse me. “I just wanted to say…mycousin Bill is trying to marry his longtime boyfriend, and, well, even though Ithink it’s kinda weird for a guy to marry another guy, I don’t think it’s myplace to stop him, if that’s what he wants.”

“Okay,” I say.

“So, I just really wanted to thank you for your hard workin raising awareness and all that money to help support gay rights.”

I want to say, What you talking ‘bout, Willis? ButI catch a look from Doug that says, Just go with it, so I plaster asmile on my face and nod imperceptibly. “Why, yes, of course. It’s my pleasure.”

He’s not quite through with me, yet, though. “And I wasreally sad about the earthquake in Haiti. So terrible, what happened.”

“Indeed,” I say, reaching to the floor and retrieving themagazine I had dropped, my thumb pressed into a cover shoot of Ruby Richmond.“May I show you the way out?” I gesture for him to follow me, and we exit thekitchen together and head down the hall toward the still-open front door.

The officer turns to me one last time. “So, when you getthat autograph for me of Mr. Cubix and Ms. Richmond, could you just make surethe inscription reads: Look who’s dead now? It’s my favorite quote, fromBlack Dawn Redux.”

I swallow my surprise. “Absolutely!” I chirp. “They willbe just delighted to do that for you, officer!”

Then I close the door behind me with my full weight andturn, sighing with relief.

Doug is already there, standing in the hallway, whichmakes me jump with surprise. He does not look happy.

“You left a paper trail a mile high, Lauren. Every timeyou bought something and charged it to our Visa card, I knew where you were andwhat you were