Lock, Stock, and Feral by Addison Moore (free e novels .txt) 📕

“There’s not a real killer. It’s just a book we’re discussing,” I say, bending over and giving him a quick pat. “This is Clyde.” I hold out the fluffy tangerine in my arms. “She’s new here. I’m sure we’ll get to know all about her as soon as we get back to the cottage.”

Clyde lets out a tiny whimper of a mewl. Oh, I like you. What’s your name, big boy?

A laugh gets caught in my throat as I pull her back to get a better look at her.

“That’s Sherlock Bones. He’s as friendly as can be. And if you keep batting your lashes at him, he’ll hand over all his bacon to you. He’ll deny it all day long, but he has a soft spot for cute kittens. Just ask Fish.”

I do not! Sherlock is quick to bark. I hardly like Fish at all. His left ear hikes up a notch as if to contest his words.

Well, I hope he likes me, she purrs. I know I like what I see.

I’m about to lower her so the two of them can get to know one another a little better when the sound of agitated voices streams from the other side of the door.

I take a quick peek outside, and just as quickly step next to the door as not to be seen. It’s Patterson and Hadley, and they look as if they’re having a heated conversation.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” she hisses. “And to be honest, I have better prospects on the horizon. If you don’t make something come of this quickly, I’m walking.”

I bet Jasper is that better prospect.

“If you want this to work, then I’ll need a little more,” he says, swallowing down the last word, and I can’t quite make it out. He’ll need a little more what? Time beneath the sheets? Money?

“I’ve given you more than I care to admit,” she seethes. “I’m walking.”

“You can’t walk. I own you.”

Silence ensues.

I bet she’s shooting daggers at him, just the way she was inside.

Hadley flies past me, followed by Patterson who strolls on in before stopping right next to me. A touch of surprise takes over his face as he spots me.

“Cheers,” he says, toasting me with his wine before knocking back his drink. “Here’s to all the beautiful women.” He winks as he walks deeper into the room. The man in the sweater walks up to him, and he seems to be telling Patterson something urgent.

Before too long, Devan calls the room to order, and we all take our seats once again.

“Okay, class.” Devan laughs as she says it. “Who here is ready for the grand finale? A foray into murder.”

Patterson spikes out of his seat and a croaking noise escapes him. His face is a bright shade of red, then purple. He grips his left arm, then staggers into the center of our circle.

“All right.” Devan gives a slow clap. “You win the prize for most dramatic reenactment. Now do us all a favor and die already.” She shoots Hadley a knowing look. “Some of us here would love to savor the moment.”

Patterson does his best to point a finger in her direction, but he doesn’t hold it up for a solid second before he collapses in a heap at her feet.

The room grows quiet before the woman with the long silver hair breaks out into an applause, and the rest of the room follows suit. But Patterson doesn’t so much as twitch a muscle in response.

Jasper hops out of his chair. “I don’t think he’s faking.”

Both he and Leo dart over to the man and quickly check his vitals.

Jasper shakes his head over at me.

Patterson won’t have to worry about beautiful women anymore.

Patterson Higgins is dead.

Chapter 3

“He’s dead?” Devan jumps to her feet and knocks the chair out from behind her.

Georgie hops right out of her seat, too. “It was the green cookies!” she shouts and tosses Fish into the air by proxy.

Fish, my highly talented cat, doesn’t merely land on the floor, she somehow swims through the air and lands right onto the back of the man who just bit the big one.

The entire room lets out a horrific groan before a series of screams and sobs break out among us.

“Georgie.” I shake my head at her. “There is nothing wrong with those cookies.” I hope. “You’re going to land the health inspector at the inn.”

“You’re going to land the coroner at the inn—but then, you always do.”

“I can’t argue with that.” I sigh.

This isn’t our first rodeo with a body dropping to the floor.

“Give me the kitten, Bizzy.” She thrusts her gnarled fingers my way and I quickly move Clyde out of her grasp.

“Why?” I ask. “So you can throw her at the poor man, too?”

Clyde hisses in Georgie’s direction—as she should. Cats are smart in general, but Clyde seems to be especially intuitive. Speaking of cats, I spot Fish all but riding on Sherlock’s back like the Queen of the Nile, right next to Patterson’s body, and horror upon horror, people are snapping pictures of the adorable yet macabre sight.

What is happening?

Macy steps our way and clucks her tongue. “Maybe if you threw more kittens at corpses they’d stop happening.” She shoves her fists into her hips. “Way to go, Bizzy. You offed another one. And to think you didn’t have the decency to wait until after I was through with him.”

I can’t help but scoff at my ridiculous sister just as both the fire department and the sheriff’s department swarm the room.

Mom steps up and wraps an arm around Macy.

“There, there.” Mom tries her best to comfort her older daughter. “How about I help you set up a profile on Dating Not Waiting?”

Macy squints over at the woman who bore her. “That meet-your-geezer match place?”

“That’s right.” Mom pats Macy on the arm. “I think an older man will do you some good. They’re settled, financially stable, and experienced.”

“What kind