Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

my children and less time working, as difficult as that is to do as a physician. If you have the opportunity in life to choose work or family, always choose family. Because not having spent enough time with mine is literally my only regret as I prepare to take the next step of my soul’s journey.

Live each day as if it’s your last, and make the most of your time with the people you love. Spend time getting to know your little sister. She’s going to need your guidance and love. I am certain Kayla will remarry someday, and that’s going to be extremely difficult for Siobhan. Unfortunately, because of me, you’ve been in that same predicament, and so you and Lauren will be able to comfort her in that respect. I love all of my children, but I worry the most about you, Molly. You’re the one with the biggest heart. And I hope you don’t have a single regret when it comes to me. I hope you let all of that go. I know you love me. Please don’t ever doubt whether you showed me that sufficiently. You did everything you could in my last days to prove the love you had for me had never left.

I can only wish that you find a man who loves you half as much as I do. Please don’t ever settle. You deserve someone who will love you with all his heart. And when you find that person, you’ll know. If you’re trying hard to figure out whether someone is the right one, I’ll tell you a secret: he’s not. Unless we’re talking about Declan. (Can you tell I like that guy?) I’m kidding, though. My opinion doesn’t matter. Follow YOUR heart, my love.

I have a few more cards written in my chemo-induced haze for your reading pleasure during subsequent birthdays. I wish I could have written you enough words to last a lifetime, but I hope you’ll cherish the ones I do send. And please know that wherever I am, I will always be with you.

Love, Dad

Molly was in tears. My own eyes felt watery. A feeling washed over me, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

I walked over to my phone on the counter and dialed my boss, Ken, in California.

“What are you doing?” Molly asked.

“Taking your dad’s advice and putting the person I love first. I don’t want any regrets, Molly.”

Ken picked up. “Declan. Good to hear from you. Any idea on your ETA?”

“Yeah. Um…that’s what I’m calling about, Ken. We need to talk.”

“What’s going on?”

I looked at Molly and came out with it. “I’m really sorry to do this to you, but I have to give my notice.”

Her mouth dropped open.

Ken was silent. “Really? What happened? You get hired by Integrity? I knew they were recruiting my people, but—”

“No. No, that’s not it.”

“Why are you leaving us, then?”

“I don’t have anything lined up, but my girlfriend lives in Chicago, and I need to be where she is. I love her and don’t want to be apart from her. So this is not a matter of money or anything else. It’s just what I know is best.”

Molly continued to sit there with her mouth hanging open. She clearly hadn’t thought that I’d quit my job to be with her. But this was the right choice. I’d already known that in my heart. Her dad’s letter simply gave me the final push.

“Well…” he said. “If I were your age, I might have given you a speech about this being one of the biggest mistakes of your life, but I’ve lived long enough to know sometimes you need to follow your heart.”

I smiled. “Thank you for understanding. I hope you know that if you need my input on anything having to do with any of my previous accounts, I will always be available to you. I also hope I can count on you for a reference.”

“Of course, Declan. You’ve been a model employee. I wish you the best and hope you remain happy with your decision.”

I looked over at my girl and smiled. “I have no doubt.”

After I hung up, Molly wiped her tears as she came over to embrace me. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“One of us had to. And I would never expect you to leave your little sister.” I lifted her up and squeezed her tight. “I love it here, Mollz—because you’re here. This was the decision I ultimately would have made, but your dad’s words made it so clear that I couldn’t wait another second.”

She leapt into my arms again. “I love you so much, Declan. You make me incredibly happy. And I know my dad is smiling down right now.”

I shook my head. “I hope this is enough to prove once and for all that I’m not gay.”

EPILOGUE

Molly

It was Saturday morning, and Declan had just returned to the apartment. He’d gotten up early and left while I was still sleeping, so I was seeing him for the first time.

“How was it?” I asked, greeting him at the door by wrapping my arms around his neck.

“It was good. I met a kid today who reminded me a lot of myself.”

“I’m really proud of you for doing this.”

“Honestly, it’s helped me more than it helps them. It’s taken the focus off of me, and that can be a good thing.”

I gave him a peck on the lips. “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

Declan volunteered every Saturday morning at a teen crisis center in the city. He mentored kids going through tough times—many experiencing depression, something he understood firsthand.

“I think the biggest difference between me today and the man I was a year ago is that I don’t doubt myself anymore, whether I’m worthy of certain things. Now I just choose self-compassion, even if things aren’t certain. But you have to have a solid foundation to take that risk. You’ve been my foundation—the one sure thing that allows me