Harbor by John Lindqvist (classic novels for teens txt) 📕

run away from Anna-Greta even if he wanted to. She was simply too fast.

A hundred metres inside the forest he stopped to catch his breath. Anna-Greta stood calmly beside him, shining her torch along the track. There was no one else around.

‘Let me put it this way,’ said Anna-Greta. ‘It was for your own good that I didn’t tell you anything.’

Simon snorted. ‘How long have we been together? Almost fifty years? How could you…Are there more things you haven’t told me?’

‘Yes.’

The admission should have surprised him, but Simon knew Anna-Greta. She told it like it was, even if it was inappropriate. That was precisely what made all this so difficult to swallow: the idea that perhaps he hadn’t known her at all, not really.

‘Well, let me tell you something,’ said Simon. ‘I was married once, and do you know what Marita said about the fact that she was on drugs? That she hadn’t told me about it for my own good. So you could probably say I’m allergic to that particular argument.’

‘It’s not the same thing.’

‘But I think it is, you see. And I find it incredibly difficult to accept it. I’m not sure I want to be with you anymore, Anna-Greta. I don’t think I do.’

Simon had been bending over, his hands resting on his thighs. He pushed himself upright and set off into the darkness. Anna-Greta’s torch was not following him. He had a lump in his stomach and wasn’t looking where he was going, but at least it had been said. Now he musttake the consequences, whatever that involved. He couldn’t live with someone who lied like that.

The forest was pitch dark and he had to go carefully to avoid falling in the ditch again. The circle of light from the torch was still fixed on his retina, and he stopped and waited for it to disappear. He looked back along the track and saw that the real torch was lying on the ground, illuminating Anna-Greta’s legs; she was lying next to it.

Simon opened his mouth to shout something, but nothing suitable emerged.

That’s not fair. That’s not a clean fight.

He clamped his jaws together. He had made the situation perfectly clear, explained how he felt. And then she did this. It was disgraceful, it was…Simon peered at the figure on the ground and wrung his hands.

Surely something hasn’t really happened to her?

Anna-Greta was in good health, and was hardly likely to have a heart attack or a brain haemorrhage just because she’d been rejected. Or was she? Simon looked along the track in the direction of the old village. What if that moped came back? She couldn’t just lie there like that.

Why is she lying there like that?

With the taste of lead in his mouth, Simon hurried back to Anna-Greta, guided by the glow of her torch. When he was a couple of metres away from her he could see that she was alive, because her body was shaking. She was weeping. Simon went and stood next to her.

‘Anna-Greta, stop it. We’re not teenagers. Don’t do this.’

Anna-Greta sobbed and curled herself into a tighter ball. Simon could feel his own eyes burning, the tears welling up, and he angrily dashed them away.

Not fair.

He couldn’t bear to see her like this, this obstinate, strong woman he had loved for so long, couldn’t bear to see her lying on the forest track like a helpless, snivelling bundle. He had never imagined thatsomething he said would provoke such a reaction. He had a lump in his throat, the tears were flowing, and he didn’t bother wiping them away.

‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Come on, Anna-Greta. Up you get.’

Between sobs Anna-Greta said, ‘You’re not. To say. That. You’re not. To say. That you. Don’t want. To be. With me.’

‘No,’ said Simon. ‘I won’t. Now come on.’

He reached out his hand to help her up, but she didn’t see it. Simon didn’t think he could manage to bend down and lift her up; there was a risk they’d both end up on the ground.

He had never been involved in anything like this. Not with Anna-Greta. She could be terrible if they had a quarrel, then cry for a while when it was over, but he had never seen her in utter despair like this. On the other hand he had never said, even hinted, that he wanted them to split up.

He waved his hand in front of her face. ‘Come on. I’ll help you.’

Anna-Greta snivelled up snot, her breathing slowed a little and she relaxed. Her breaths were slow but panting, and she lay quiet for a while. Then she asked, ‘Do you want to be with me?’

Simon closed his eyes and rubbed them. This whole performance was just ridiculous. They were adults, more than adults. To think that everything could come full circle and end up with the simplest and most basic of questions, the one that should have been resolved decades ago.

But it hasn’t been resolved, has it. Perhaps it never will be.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes, I do. But now you need to get up. You’re going to be ill if you lie there like that.’

She took his hand but didn’t get up, she simply let her hand rest in his, caressing his palm with the tips of her fingers. ‘Sure?’

Simon smiled and shook his head. For a couple of seconds he walked through the labyrinth of rooms in his heart, and was unable to find anywhere the feeling that had told him he wanted to leave her, never wanted to see her again. It was gone, as if it had never existed.

Nothing to be done. It’s over.

‘I’m sure,’ he said, and helped her to her feet. Anna-Greta crept into his arms and they stood and held each other for so long that by the time they let go, the light of the torch had begun to fade from white to yellow. It was over.

For this time, thought Simon. They took each other’s hands and found their way home by the