Songs For Your Mother by Gordon MacMillan (first color ebook reader .TXT) 📕

the stage towards me. This is not surprising, considering how she left me when she walked out of the door to my flat, leaving Luke behind. I never explained, and Josie thought the worst of me.

Before I get a chance to say anything, Josie launches a tirade at me.

‘I knew it was a mistake to leave him with you. I knew you could not be relied upon. I bet you gave him up the first chance you had. You piece of shit,’ she shouts.

Josie stomps towards me and shoves me hard with her palms, which smack against my chest. The impact sends me stumbling, and I double over from the pain. It feels like my ribs are breaking all over again.

I look up, and I catch the eye of the barman, who shows no desire to get involved and continues to polish glasses. Likewise, the guys on stage quietly continue to set up with their gaze cast firmly down. I raise my hand in front of my body as I stand, but Josie cuts me off before I can speak.

‘I told you not to come. It isn’t what she wanted.’

‘First of all, I know you did, but we had to come. Luke is with me, here in San Francisco, with good friends. He’s been struggling, and I’m not sure what else to do. Secondly, you never gave me a chance to explain when you came to London,’ I say.

‘What’s to explain?’ Josie asks, folding her arms across her chest.

‘I tried to come back six years ago. I was in a car crash,’ I say.

I lift up my shirt to show her the scar that runs across my chest and is now burning.

‘I got this, and broken bones. My friend died, and I was in a coma for months. It hurts, every now and then. That’s why I never came back,’ I say.

As I say this, the expression on her face changes, and it morphs from hostile to more sympathetic.

‘Shit. I bitched about you all those years, and now I physically attacked you. I feel bad, kind of, are you okay?’

‘I’ll be good, I know you’re angry, and that’s fine,’ I say.

‘But you have Luke, and he’s okay?’ Josie asks.

‘He’s good, and he’s done amazingly well, but I think he needs to see his mother, whatever the consequences, so I took a gamble,’ I say.

‘I mishandled it when I saw you, I was angry. I’m sorry, it’s just what she wanted, and I would do anything for Lauren. She’s like my sister and Luke is like a son,’ Josie says.

I tell her that it’s okay and, of course, it is. I understand how fiercely protective she feels about Lauren and Luke.

Josie nods gravely, and uncrosses her arms. She runs a hand through her hair and I get the impression that she was almost expecting this day.

‘Lauren said you might try to find her. I know she told you not to, but I don’t blame you. Not now I know your story. Come on, let me buy you a drink. It’s not like I can make up for what I did, but beer always helps,’ Josie says.

We walk to the bar and pull up two tall stools. Josie orders us two beers. I insist on paying and tip the barman, and we knock our bottles together and say cheers. I explain what happened after the crash, and after the coma. I could not bring myself to get on the plane when I had the chance and how I’ve lived to regret that moment ever since.

‘You’re really late,’ Josie says.

‘I know. I wish I’d got here so much sooner. I just need to know we’re in time,’ I say.

Josie doesn’t say anything. She gives a small sniff, and shakes her head, apologises.

I wonder if this is it. Is Josie about to tell me that we’re too late. That is what I am now expecting. I brace myself for the worst possible news.

‘It kills me,’ she says. ‘She’s in a hospital in San Jose. I see her every few days or so when I’m here. She’s in and out of consciousness. She didn’t want this, didn’t want it to end like this. That’s why she sent you Luke. She thought it would be better,’ Josie says.

‘I know, and you told me not to come and Lauren, in her letters, told me not to come as well. I don’t think this is about Lauren, or you or me. It’s only about Luke,’ I say.

‘I get it,’ Josie says. ‘I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for him, giving him a new life like that,’ Josie says.

‘He did so well, but the last couple of weeks have been tough,’ I say.

‘He’s so young,’ Josie says.

‘He is, and he needs to see his mother,’ I say.

‘We can drive there in the morning. I can pick you up. Give me your number,’ Josie says.

I write down my mobile phone number on a Bimbo’s embossed napkin. Josie slips down from her stool, and we embrace.

‘You made it in the end,’ Josie says.

‘Too late though,’ I say.

‘I don’t know, maybe not,’ Josie says.

Josie gives me a small wave, and I watch her cross the dance floor and disappear into the wings of the stage.

Back at the hotel, the five of us have a quiet dinner at a nearby Italian. I tell Luke that we are going to see Mommy in the morning. He gives me a big smile and turns to Georgia. He tells her that she will love his mom, and I choke up when he does this. TSP gives my shoulder a squeeze.

What I need to do here is to manage his expectations. I want to remind him that Lauren is sick. I don’t know how you do that, or what you say, and I struggle to find the right words. I worry about giving him false hope, and how it will affect him to see his mother so ill. It is so much to put