The Silent Suspect by Nell Pattison (epub e ink reader .TXT) 📕

Max, what do you want? I asked.

I wanted to make sure you were okay, and see if you needed anything. There was a little crease between his eyebrows from the frown of concern he was wearing, and something about the sight of it made me burst into tears. He came over immediately and knelt in front of me, putting his arms around me, but I pushed him away.

Don’t. Please, just don’t.

Paige, you’ve been through a lot, he signed, still on his knees. You don’t have to do everything on your own, you know. I still love you.

Max, please, don’t, I signed. This hasn’t changed anything.

I know, but I’m worried about you being here on your own. Anna said she didn’t think it was a random mugging, that someone must have been following you.

I frowned. I hadn’t told her the full truth about what had happened, so I didn’t know where she’d got that information from, unless she was just making assumptions yet again.

Shaking my head, I brushed off Max’s concerns. I’m fine, there’s nobody out to get me.

But I couldn’t sit at home and do nothing when I knew what had happened to you. If it had been something worse, I don’t know what I would have done. He paused, clearly choosing his words. Why don’t we give things another go? he asked me, out of the blue. I won’t push you to commit to anything until you’re absolutely ready. I’ll be guided by you.

I wanted to tell him that what happened to me wasn’t any of his business any more, but I stopped myself. It was hard to say what I wanted to say without being rude, because I was too tired to word it in a way that didn’t sound bitchy.

I’m not your responsibility any more, I signed eventually.

I’m not going to stop caring about you, Paige. I can’t just switch off my feelings. After I saw you in the Deaf club the other night I thought I needed to move on and forget about you, but I’ve realised I don’t want to do that. I want to fight for you. I want to fight for our relationship. I’m not willing to sit back and give up on what has been the best relationship of my life, simply because you’ve got cold feet.

Do I get a say in this? I asked him. He looked confused, and I didn’t think he’d even realised what he was doing. You’re talking about not giving up, as if it’s a one-sided choice, not a decision that both of us have to agree to. Or did you just assume I’d agree to it because I’ve been mugged and I’m feeling vulnerable?

That’s not what I said. He sat back on his heels, looking slightly offended. What I mean is that I’m willing to put the effort in to try and convince you to give us another go.

I stood up and walked away from him, shaking my head. I’m not trying to be some sort of martyr, I told him. I’m not saying that I want to be on my own because I think I have to battle through, or something like that. I don’t understand why you’re here, why you’re saying all of this.

Well, I came round because I wanted to make sure you’re okay, he began, but I cut him off.

But why, Max? We split up. I know it’s horrible, and I know I hurt you. Please believe me when I say I never wanted to. But I’m not going to change my mind about that. If you came here hoping that I’d fall into your arms because I’m tired and emotional then I’m sorry, you’re here under false pretences.

There was a horrible pause as I watched several different emotions cross Max’s face. I wished I could take my words back; I hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but even if I blamed the head injury I couldn’t change what I’d just said.

Fine, he signed, getting up off the floor. Fine. I had hoped we could talk about this, but maybe now isn’t the right time.

There won’t be a right time! We’ve already talked about it. I’m sorry that you’re not happy with my decision, I really am, but I can’t do anything to change that. And you saying you’re not going to give up just fills me with dread, because I can’t keep having the same conversation over and over, just because you hope my side of it is going to change.

There was a pause in which I wasn’t sure if he was going to yell at me or burst into tears, but in the end he did neither. He shook his head, then turned away from me and moved towards the door.

As he pushed past me, the door buzzer went again. I followed Max out into the hallway and down the stairs, hoping to apologise before he stormed out, but when he flung open the front door of the building he came face to face with Singh, who was passing my car keys from hand to hand.

‘Er, hi,’ Singh said, looking between me and Max, his expression puzzled. ‘Paige, I brought your car back.’

Max looked Singh up and down, noticing my keys in his hand, then turned to me.

What the hell is this?

Rav picked me up from the hospital, then went to get my car for me, I hastily explained, not wanting Max to get the wrong idea. Even though we weren’t together any longer, I didn’t want him thinking I’d replaced him quite so quickly. There was a keyring in the shape of a little yellow duck attached to my car keys – it was the first gift Max had bought me when we started dating, and I could see him looking at it.

Singh watched us signing, clearly wondering if he’d interrupted something. ‘I’ll just leave you your keys. I’ve got to get back to the station.’ He looked between me and Max again,