Ragged Trousered Philanthropists by Robert Tressell (fiction novels to read .txt) 📕

sure of getting for the same money anywhere else, and that was - a

good feed. (Applause.) Just for the sake of getting on with the

business, he would propose that they decide to go to Tubberton, and

that a committee be appointed to make arrangements - about the dinner -

with the landlord of the Queen Elizabeth’s Head at that place.

Philpot seconded the motion, and Payne was about to call for a show of

hands when Harlow rose to a point of order. It appeared to him that

they were getting on a bit too fast. The proper way to do this

business was first to take the feeling of the meeting as to whether

they wished to have a Beano at all, and then, if the meeting was in

favour of it, they could decide where they were to go, and whether

they would have a whole day or only half a day.

The Semidrunk said that he didn’t care a dreadful expression where

they went: he was willing to abide by the decision of the majority.

(Applause.) It was a matter of indifference to him whether they had a

day, or half a day, or two days; he was agreeable to anything.

Easton suggested that a special saloon carriage might be engaged, and

they could go and visit Madame Tussaud’s Waxworks. He had never been

to that place and had often wished to see it. But Philpot objected

that if they went there, Madame Tussaud’s might be unwilling to let

them out again.

Bundy endorsed the remarks that had fallen from Crass with reference

to Tubberton. He did not care where they went, they would never get

such a good spread for the money as they did last year at the Queen

Elizabeth. (Cheers.)

The chairman said that. he remembered the last Beano very well. They

had half a day - left off work on Saturday at twelve instead of one -

so there was only one hour’s wages lost - they went home, had a wash

and changed their clothes, and got up to the Cricketers, where the

brakes was waiting, at one. Then they had the two hours’ drive to

Tubberton, stopping on the way for drinks at the Blue Lion, the

Warrior’s Head, the Bird in Hand, the Dewdrop Inn and the World

Turned Upside Down. (Applause.) They arrived at the Queen Elizabeth

at three-thirty, and the dinner was ready; and it was one of the

finest blow-outs he had ever had. (Hear, hear.) There was soup,

vegetables, roast beef, roast mutton, lamb and mint sauce, plum duff,

Yorkshire, and a lot more. The landlord of the Elizabeth kept as good

a drop of beer as anyone could wish to drink, and as for the

teetotallers, they could have tea, coffee or ginger beer.

Having thus made another start, Payne found it very difficult to leave

off, and was proceeding to relate further details of the last Beano

when Harlow again rose up from his heap of shavings and said he wished

to call the chairman to order. (Hear, hear.) What the hell was the

use of all this discussion before they h&d even decided to have a

Beano at all! Was the meeting in favour of a Beano or not? That was

the question.

A prolonged and awkward silence followed. Everyone was very

uncomfortable, looking stolidly on the ground or staring straight in

front of them.

At last Easton broke the silence by suggesting that it would not be a

bad plan if someone was to make a motion that a Beano be held. This

was greeted with a general murmur of `Hear, hear,’ followed by another

awkward pause, and then the chairman asked Easton if he would move a

resolution to that effect. After some hesitation, Easton agreed, and

formally moved: `That this meeting is in favour of a Beano.’

The Semidrunk said that, in order to get on with the business, he

would second the resolution. But meantime, several arguments had

broken out between the advocates of different places, and several men

began to relate anecdotes of previous Beanos. Nearly everyone was

speaking at once and it was some time before the chairman was able to

put the resolution. Finding it impossible to make his voice heard

above the uproar, he began to hammer on the bench with a wooden

mallet, and to shout requests for order, but this only served to

increase the din. Some of them looked at him curiously and wondered

what was the matter with him, but the majority were so interested in

their own arguments that they did not notice him at all.

Whilst the chairman was trying to get the attention of the meeting in

order to put the question, Bundy had become involved in an argument

with several of the new hands who claimed to know of an even better

place than the Queen Elizabeth, a pub called `The New Found Out’, at

Mirkfield, a few miles further on than Tubberton, and another

individual joined in the dispute, alleging that a house called `The

Three Loggerheads’ at Slushton-cum-Dryditch was the finest place for a

Beano within a hundred miles of Mugsborough. He went there last year

with Pushem and Driver’s crowd, and they had roast beef, goose, jam

tarts, mince pies, sardines, blancmange, calves’ feet jelly and one

pint for each man was included in the cost of the dinner. In the

middle of the discussion, they noticed that most of the others were

holding up their hands, so to show there was no ill feeling they held

up theirs also and then the chairman declared it was carried

unanimously.

Bundy said he would like to ask the chairman to read out the

resolution which had just been passed, as he had not caught the words.

The chairman replied that there was no written resolution. The motion

was just to express the feeling of this meeting as to whether there

was to be an outing or not.

Bundy said he was only asking a civil question, a point of

information: all he wanted to know was, what was the terms of the

resolution? Was they in favour of the Beano or not?

The chairman responded that the meeting was unanimously in favour.

(Applause.)

Harlow said that the next thing to be done was to decide upon the

date. Crass suggested the last Saturday in August. That would give

them plenty of time to pay in.

Sawkins asked whether it was proposed to have a day or only half a

day. He himself was in favour of the whole day. It would only mean

losing a morning’s work. It was hardly worth going at all if they

only had half the day.

The Semidrunk remarked that he had just thought of a very good place

to go if they decided to have a change. Three years ago he was

working for Dauber and Botchit and they went to `The First In and the

Last Out’ at Bashford. It was a very small place, but there was a

field where you could have a game of cricket or football, and the

dinner was A1 at Lloyds. There was also a skittle alley attached to

the pub and no charge was made for the use of it. There was a bit of

a river there, and one of the chaps got so drunk that he went orf his

onion and jumped into the water, and when they got him out the village

policeman locked him up, and the next day he was took before the beak

and fined two pounds or a month’s hard labour for trying to commit

suicide.

Easton pointed out that there was another way to look at it: supposing

they decided to have the Beano, he supposed it would come to about six

shillings a head. If they had it at the end of August and started

paying in now, say a tanner a week, they would have plenty of time to

make up the amount, but supposing the work fell off and some of them

got the push?

Crass said that in that case a man could either have his money back or

he could leave it, and continue his payments even if he were working

for some other firm; the fact that he was off from Rushton’s would not

prevent him from going to the Beano.

Harlow proposed that they decide to go to the Queen Elizabeth the same

as last year, and that they have half a day.

Philpot said that, in order to get on with the business, he would

second the resolution.

Bundy suggested - as an amendment -. that it should be a whole day,

starting from the Cricketers at nine in the morning, and Sawkins said

that, in order to get on with the business, he would second the

amendment.

One of the new hands said he wished to move another amendment. He

proposed to strike out the Queen Elizabeth and substitute the Three

Loggerheads.

The Chairman - after a pause - inquired if there were any seconder to

this, and the Semidrunk said that, although he did not care much

where they went, still, to get on with the business, he would second

the amendment, although for his own part he would prefer to go to the

`First In and Last Out’ at Bashford.

The new hand offered to withdraw his suggestion re the Three

Loggerheads in favour of the Semidrunks proposition, but the latter

said it didn’t matter; it could go as it was.

As it was getting rather late, several men went home, and cries of

`Put the question’ began to be heard on all sides; the chairman

accordingly was proceeding to put Harlow’s proposition when the new

hand interrupted him by pointing out that it was his duty as chairman

to put the amendments first. This produced another long discussion,

in the course of which a very tall, thin man who had a harsh, metallic

voice gave a long rambling lecture about the rules of order and the

conduct of public meetings. He spoke very slowly and deliberately,

using very long words and dealing with the subject in an exhaustive

manner. A resolution was a resolution, and an amendment was an

amendment; then there was what was called an amendment to an

amendment; the procedure of the House of Commons differed very

materially from that of the House of Lords - and so on.

This man kept on talking for about ten minutes, and might have

continued for ten hours if he had not been rudely interrupted by

Harlow, who said that it seemed to him that they were likely to stay

there all night if they went on like they were going. He wanted his

tea, and he would also like to get a few hours’ sleep before having to

resume work in the morning. He was getting about sick of all this

talk. (Hear, hear.) In order to get on with the business, he would

withdraw his resolution if the others would withdraw their amendments.

If they would agree to do this, he would then propose another

resolution which - if carried - would meet all the requirements of the

case. (Applause.)

The man with the metallic voice observed that it was not necessary to

ask the consent of those who had moved amendments: if the original

proposition was withdrawed, all the amendments fell to the ground.

`Last year,’ observed Crass, `when we was goin’ out of the room after

we’d finished our dinner at the Queen Elizabeth, the landlord pointed

to the table and said, “There’s enough left over for you all to ‘ave

another lot.”’ (Cheers.)