Something Old by Rebecca Connolly (autobiographies to read txt) 📕

“Did he?” she asked of no one in particular, least of all him. “And he is… in his study?”

Sutton nodded, his high brow creasing faintly. “Yes, madam. And requested a tray be brought in. It’s only just been cleared.”

So it was only dinner with Lily he was unable to sustain, then. He could eat his dinner, could shut himself in his study, but could not have a note sent to Lily to inform her of the alteration to his plans for the evening.

A spark of irritation began to ignite fully, and Lily pursed her lips in thought.

“My apologies, madam,” Sutton said in a rush, his stoic composure fading. “I was under the impression that you were aware.”

Lily smiled quickly. “Thank you, Sutton. That will be all.”

The butler did not appear convinced but bowed and continued on toward the servants’ corridors.

Lily remained in her place for a moment, her fingers rubbing together anxiously by her sides. Did she seek out her husband despite his instructions to not be disturbed? Did she presume Thomas had his reasons and leave him to them? Did she fall back on previous habits or move forward with concern and love for what might have driven him to this?

She nodded to herself, even as the thought occurred to her. She wanted her marriage to be different than it had been, and in order to do that, she needed to behave differently than she had done. She loved her husband, and if he were troubled, she wanted to soothe those troubles if she could.

Her hands became fists at her sides, and she turned on the spot, moving down the corridor toward the study. Each step was accompanied by a heartbeat, thundering in her ears and drowning out all thought and breath.

She’d endured an entire marriage filled with maintaining separation when separation was requested, and she was flying in the face of that. Every impulse within her screamed for her to run in the opposite direction and leave him to his business. Only her determination for change continued to move her forward in spite of everything.

The study was suddenly before her, and she paused, exhaling slowly. With a brisk knock, she waited, biting down on her lip.

“I am not to be disturbed,” her husband’s voice barked, though it sounded so unlike him. So harsh, so filled with anger, and lacking any politeness.

It was in her best interest to leave him to his discontent, but she could not believe it would be in the best interest of her marriage to do so. And she was doing this for her marriage, not for herself.

She turned the handle and pushed into the study despite his order.

His desk and chair faced the door, and the moment she entered, his head raised, a snarl etched into his features. He was lacking his jacket and cravat, his waistcoat was unbuttoned, and his hair was in disarray, but instead of looking like the charming miner she had discovered in Cornwall, he seemed another creature entirely.

His expression changed the moment he truly saw her, but no smile appeared. “Lily,” was all he said, something of an exhale or a sigh on her name.

Lily tried for a smile, hating this tormented version of him. “I missed you at dinner.”

He blinked, then looked at the mess of papers on the desk before him. “Apologies. Something… something came up, and it has consumed a great deal of my time. I forgot our arrangement.”

She forced herself not to think more on that statement than what was intended. “Are you all right?”

“No.” He shook his head firmly, his tongue pressing against the front of his teeth. “No, I am not. And if I cannot find solutions to this predicament, neither will be our finances.”

Money again. Concerns over business and finances taking over his attention to anything else. It was just one evening, she reminded herself. Not the remainder of their lives. One evening.

“Is there anything I can do?” she offered softly, the fists at her sides relaxing entirely and going almost limp. “Something to help or to ease your burden?”

“No.”

The answer was crisp and brusque, but neither was it particularly directed at her. He did not look up. Did not pause in his shuffling of papers. Did not acknowledge her presence further.

Her chest began to tighten, and her eyes burned. “Will I see you later?”

Now he did pause, his eyes flicking up, though not quite reaching hers. “No,” he finally said. “Nor will I join you in your bedchambers tonight. This will require all of my attention until it is resolved. I am sorry.”

Sorry? He could not have sounded less so. There was determination in his voice, but no apology. He did not look at her. The man who could summon her across a crowded room simply by his eyes alone would not look.

“Thomas,” she ground out, her voice choking a little on his name. “Look at me. Please.”

A ripple of sorts danced across his shoulders, and the papers rested a little further on the surface of the desk. Then, belatedly, his eyes raised fully to hers, and his shoulders dropped on a heavy exhale.

Lily held his gaze, keeping it as steady as her heart would allow. “No going back,” she reminded him firmly. “You promised, and I will hold you to that.”

He straightened in his chair and seemed to bristle at her words.

Good.

“Right,” he said curtly, “but I still must attend to business, particularly in a time of crisis. If you will allow me.” He indicated the papers before him, a question in his eyes, though not a particularly kind one.

Something within her snapped.

Lily ground her teeth, something she had never been guilty of in her life. She smiled, though there was no tenderness behind it. “Very well. I apologize for disturbing you. I do hope you will spare the time for breakfast in the morning. Even before Cornwall, you could manage to show yourself there.” She inclined her head in a nod of sorts