The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

“No, I don’t think you get it.  I didn’t want Tessa to think those things if they weren’t true.  But maybe you’re saying now that they could be, and that would be different.”

“Oh.  Yes, that would be different, if I was going to be something more for everyone.”

“I remember coming home the first day after I hired you,” Ben said.  “You and Tessa were playing a game and you looked up and smiled at me.  I suddenly realized that I had this sweet, wonderful woman in my house, that you’d be there practically every day.  Then I found myself calling you one night, just to hear your voice.”  He stroked my cheek, and I smiled, remembering how it had felt to hear him say that.

“I thought that I’d better stay away from you because if I didn’t, I might fall pretty hard.  And I didn’t want to do that,” he told me. “I never wanted to go down that road again like I had with Marin so I kept my distance from you.  Then you said that you weren’t interested in me—”

“No, I didn’t!”

“You did, when you said that you didn’t ever want to be with another man.  I told myself that you were safe, and that we could be friends.  Just friends.”  Ben ran his palms up and down my bare arms, and I shivered.  “That wasn’t going to work for me, not with how I was feeling about you.  But I don’t have a great track record either, you know?  I was married to a woman who was all wrong for me.  I didn’t know if I might do that again.”

“Just because I made a mistake before with Shep doesn’t mean I’ll repeat it,” I told him.

“No, and it doesn’t mean that for me, either.”  He put his hands on my hips to pull me flush against his body.  The rhinestones from my top made a sparkly pattern on his shirt.  “I think it means that we’re both going to have to figure things out as we go along.  As we go along together.”

“You would forgive me?  For Shep?”

“You don’t need my forgiveness,” he said.

“But what you told me, about someone’s actions showing you who she really is…”

“You’ve shown me a lot.  You’ve shown me that you’re tender, and loving, and tough, and amazing.”  Ben leaned down and put his forehead against mine.  “I changed my mind, too.”

“About what?” I whispered.

“About dating someone.  About marrying her, about having more kids.  I do want that, but I only want it with one, particular woman.”

“That’s how I feel.  There’s only one, particular guy.”

“It better be me,” he warned, and I started to laugh even as he used his shirt to wipe away more tears.  “It better be me, because I love you, Gaby.”

“It is you,” I told Ben.  “I think it’s going to be you, forever.”

And it was.

Epilogue

“Happy birthday!” the voices around the table sang out.

“Thank you!” I told them, and Ben passed me a napkin to wipe my eyes.  It was all just so sweet, I couldn’t keep the tears in.

“Make a wish, Mommy,” Tessa said.  I had one arm around her and one holding her squirming two-year-old brother in my lap, because I liked to have them near me.  But it was hard to balance them with the third little Matthews sibling, the one who currently resided in the big belly that kept me a foot back from the table.

“I’ll make a wish,” I told her, “but you blow out the candles for me so it will come true.”  The spring wind swept up from the lake and across our deck.  “Blow quickly!” I urged, and she did.

Ben picked up Tessa and my brother took his nephew so I could cut the cake.  My tummy bumped the table as I leaned over it to put the slices on plates.  It was a huge cake, because there were so many people here today!  Even my mom had come, as much as she still hated my birthday.  Anthony had invited the woman he had been seeing and so many of my former teammates, the dancers from the Woodsmen Wonderwomen, were there, too.  A bunch of Ben’s friends from the football team had come, like the new quarterbacks coach who had replaced him when he moved up to offensive coordinator.  And Hallie, Gunnar, and Marley home from college, and little Haakon.  Their crew was also growing, just not quite as fast as mine was.

In fact…I rubbed my stomach and tried not to wince.  Ben and I hadn’t wanted to know, but I was sure that we were having another boy.  Another boy just like my sweet, wonderful husband.  I looked at him holding our laughing daughter, trying to nibble at the cake on her plate, before he put her down.  Tessa took off with her cousin Case to crawl under the juniper bush that was their fort and my friend Caitlyn told me to go rest and that she’d finish the cake cutting.  I ended up sitting on Ben’s lap, my favorite spot, so he could rub my back and we could cuddle.

“Why are you crying, honey?  Are you sad because it’s your birthday?”

“No.  This is the best day ever.  Well, I actually think our wedding day was the best day ever.  Or when James was born and Tessa held him for the first time.  Or…”  I put my head on his shoulder.  “There have been a lot of best days.”

He laughed.  “I’m glad.  For me, too.”  He nuzzled behind my ear and I shivered.  “You smell so good,” he explained.  He had always loved the scent of gardenias, and I always kept a bottle of the special soap in the shower now.  Ben sat up to look at me and frowned.  “You’re still doing it.  Tell me why you’re crying.”

“Because I love you so much.  It just wells up in me when I look