Backblast by Candace Irving (miss read books TXT) 📕

followed. "I was already falling for you in that bar when you made me work so damned hard just to get your name. I fell deeper over dinner and then in my driveway. By the time you showed up the next night and starting talking me down from Stubbs' death, I'd hit bottom. I was completely in love before I got your bra off. Everything that happened after just sealed it. And then you walked into that interview room, and my world imploded. By the time I walked out, I truly believed you'd come over and slept with me to get to Evan. That you'd have slept with him as easily."

She started to protest but he shook his head.

"I know. I was wrong. About so damned many things. But one thing's true. I really don't know how to make a relationship work. And the way I was raised? Baby, it wasn't pretty. But I took it because I was so desperate for that man to care. Until I woke up one day, and I just couldn't take it anymore—so I cut him out of my heart. I did the same thing with you, or I tried to. I wanted the pain to stop. And I couldn't risk crawling back for more. And, yeah, I would have. So I said the one thing I could think of to get you to hate me—and then I implied the rest of what I couldn't quite say. At the time, I needed you to despise me. And now…I am terrified I succeeded."

Lord, what was it about this man?

He was making her cry again. One moment, the tears were still trapped in her eyes, burning in at the corners, and the next, they were spilling over and coursing down her cheeks. His fingers came up again, this time to wipe the moisture away.

It didn't help. They both just got wetter.

"John—"

He pressed a damp finger to her lips as he shook his head, then lowered his hand to cup her shoulder, rubbing gently, as though he was afraid what he'd said and still had to say would cause the tremors to resurface. "It's okay. You don't have to respond. You just needed to know. I also know you're not ready. Given how you grew up, it's understandable. But I meant what I said in that bar and earlier tonight. It's never been more true than it is with you. I am patient and I am persistent. And, honey, I am so damned motivated when it comes to you, that you should probably run like hell and never look back. But if you don't hate me…if you can get past what I said, that's all I need for now. So, take your time. I am not going anywhere. Certainly not in my mind and in my heart. Yeah, the Army's bound to send my body off somewhere else soon enough. But, Rae, I'll keep coming back to you until I'm dead."

She pulled her breath in deep and tried not to shudder as she let it out. Intense sex with this man was one thing. But intense emotions?

He was right. She wasn't ready.

She didn't know if she ever would be. If she even had it in her. And she certainly couldn't deal with it all right now, in the middle of this case.

She needed to focus.

So she did the only thing she could. She changed the subject. "Then…you're not taking that slot at Homeland?"

The sharp furrow that pinched through his brow wasn't powered by anger, but surprise. "Who told you about that?"

"Warren Jeffers. Well, 'threw it' would be more apt." In her face. "Jeffers worships at the Shrine of Riyad. I think he's furious that anyone would dare to equate you two."

"The man can rest easy. I already turned it down."

She struggled to escape John's arms so she could sit up and glare down at him. "Homeland? It's an amazing opportunity." Yes, he'd have to leave the Army. But, "Think of the effect you could have; the good you could do. Why would you even—"

"Are you getting out?"

Her?

"No." Unless her hand screwed up her career, she planned on putting in her full twenty. Thirty, if the swamp of rotting crap that went with her job didn't drag her under and suffocate her first.

"There you go." John folded those thick arms behind his head. "I told you. I'm staying put, and they absolutely know it."

Good Lord. "You told them why?"

"Damned straight I did. It was the only way they'd believe I was serious." He unfolded his right arm so he could brush his thumb across her chin. "Now stop frowning. Trust me; Palisade's thrilled. He was afraid I was going to take it. He knows I don't love him enough to stick around."

There was that word again.

John knew it too, because he unfolded his other arm and sat up with her. This time, he changed the subject. "It's almost twenty-two hundred. We've got just over an hour before the restaurant stops serving. Why don't you take that shower while I order?"

She appreciated the reprieve, but she shook her head. "You go ahead. I'll order. But I need to call Agent Castile first; see if Riyad ever linked up with him. If so, how it went." If they'd made any progress on identifying the final victim from the cave.

Though she was worried for another reason, too.

Nathan should've phoned her by now. Had something happened to the man? He was supposed to have spent the afternoon and evening with Riyad.

John reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Okay. But make your call soon. Meanwhile, I'll make my shower last. I might still be in there when you've finished."

From the wink he shot her as he stood, he was counting on it.

She waited until he'd crossed the room and closed the bathroom door behind him before she abandoned the bed. She was too lazy to rifle through her suitcase, so she stopped at the desk and donned John's shirt as