Lauren Takes Leave by Gerstenblatt, Julie (ebooks children's books free txt) 📕

“I’ve got time,” Doug says, folding his arms across hischest and leaning back in the chair.

“No, you don’t,” Kat says, materializing by our side.“Should we want to successfully rob Leslie’s house with any amount of grace,time is definitely one thing we haven’t got much of.”

Doug stares at her, incredulous. He looks to me for anexplanation.

“Plus, you can’t just sit here and mope,” Kat argues.“Well, I mean, you can, but it will continue to suck.”

“She’s right,” I say. “Come on. I’ll explain everything inthe car.”

“Everything?” he asks.

“With Kat as my witness,” I say, holding my palm out flat,like I’m taking an oath.

“You’re about to become one of us!” Kat grins.

Doug hesitates, still deciding what to do. “And what isthat, exactly?” he asks, following us out onto the street and getting into thepassenger side of the car. “Werewolves? Criminal masterminds? Complete freakazoids?”

“A little bit of all of the above,” Kat decides, bucklingherself into the back. “If you also add in the fun factor.”

“Legally, you should sit in Becca’s car seat,” Doug says.

“Original.” Kat extends one middle finger his way beforeanswering her phone, which has just begun to ring.

Am I wrong to love a series of diversions that momentarilytake the focus off of my recent infidelity and compulsive need to fabricate andobfuscate?

Definitely not wrong, I conclude, turning on the radio. Iselect an XM station with a heavy enough rap element to complicate Doug’sability to think clearly.

Kat listens intently to the voice on the other end of herphone as I pull out of the parking spot and make my way through the quietstreets of Elmwood. I decide to skip the traffic lights on the main road,preferring instead to take the highway three exits south to Hadley.

“Excellent!” Kat says, disconnecting and dropping herphone back into her handbag. “Don’t be mad,” she says to me.

“Okay,” I say, making eye contact with her in therearview mirror.

“Shay’s going to meet us there.”

“Okay,” I say, trying to remain calm.

“Shay Greene?” Doug asks. “Newly elected Hadley SchoolBoard president?”

“That’d be the one,” I say.

“You guys know her?” Doug asks.

“Mmm-hmm,” Kat adds.

“Part of the week’s festivities,” I say.

I mean, how much truth does one really have todivulge to one’s husband?

And then I decide: all of it.

I exit the highway and pull onto the streets of Hadley.“Kat fooled around with Shay and it was caught on Leslie’s nanny cam, and alsoI swung around a pole and gashed a hole in Leslie’s face, plus I sort of got tothird base with a toilet.” There. That should explain it.

“Which was also caught on nanny cam,” Kat adds. “Theface-gashing part, anyway. And Leslie’s threatening to blackmail us with it.And maybe sue Lauren. So we’re going to get the evidence and destroy it!”

“Is that why Leslie had that bandage on and those hugesunglasses? It looked like she had cataracts removed after falling down aflight of stairs,” Doug says.

“Nope,” Kat says. “Us happened.”

“Though she’s totally lying about the black eye being myfault,” I add.

“True, that,” Kat confirms. “Which is another reason whywe need the videos.”

“A regular Watergate,” Doug says, looking out the window. Iam pretty sure the corners of his mouth turn upward when he says this.

I cut the lights on my car as we pull onto Leslie’sstreet. Passing by her house, I park at a bend in the road a little ways down,which Kat refers to as the official rendezvous spot. Sure enough, there is agold Mercedes S class waiting for us in the darkness.

I flash my lights and Shay emerges, wearing skinny blackcargos, platform booties and a wrap cardigan.

Doug rolls down the window on his side. Shay leans in,enveloping the car in her flowery perfume. “I’ve got the security code for thealarm.” She grins. “Meet me by the basement entrance.” She drapes one fold ofher long sweater over her shoulder and hurries down the block.

“Who are you people?” Doug wants to know.

“We’re members of the elite Hadley Union Free SchoolDistrict,” Kat explains, once we’re all assembled by the French doors leadingout onto Leslie’s terraced, overly landscaped backyard. “Merely welcoming ournew school board president into the fold. Now someone hand me a credit card.”

“This won’t work,” I say, digging through my wallet andhanding her a plastic card.

“Because you maxed it out this week?” Doug wants to know.

“Good one, Mr. Worthing!” Kat says. “You just might proveto be better company that Lenny.”

“Who’s Lenny?” Shay wants to know. “Kat, you don’t needthat. Just pick up the mat. There’s a key underneath.”

“A YouTube rapping sensation,” Kat jokes, pretending toswoon. She finds the key and hands me back my card. “This is going to be theeasiest breaking and entering I’ve ever done.”

“How many have you done?” I want to know.

“Not MC Lenny Katzenberg?” Shay asks.

“Yes, MC Lenny Katzenberg!” I say.

“Four or so,” Kat says. “If you don’t count college.”

“He’s so cute!” Shay gushes. “I love his videos.Especially that one about Obama, did you see that one?”

“Great,” I concur. “One of his all-time best.”

“Can everyone just shut the fuck up about Lenny Katzenberg,please?” Doug shouts. “And is that a cat I see, on the other side of the door?”

“Oh no,” I say. “Here we go with the cats.”

Kat opens the door, and Shay slides in to quickly turn offthe beeping alarm. We follow her to the front hall, where she opens a closetand deftly punches in a series of numbers.

“I house-sit sometimes.” Shay shrugs, noticing our silence.“It comes in handy.”

“I’ll bet,” Doug says. Turning to me, he adds, “Let’s moveout of district. On Monday.” A gray tabby mews from the corner archway leadinginto the kitchen. “And someone lock that thing in a bathroom.”

Shay does.

“Yes, my husband is afraid of house pets,” I confirm toShay and Kat as we plan out a strategy for canvassing the house.

Doug, scratching his legs furiously even though the cat isnow securely out of the way, volunteers to be our watchman.

I turn to him and sigh, reaching up to kiss him on theforehead. “You’re not allergic. We had you tested, remember?”

He shrugs and goes out the front door, hiding behind oneof