Radley's Labyrinth for Horny Monsters by Annabelle Hawthorne (highly recommended books .txt) 📕

reached into her cleavage and pulled out an ornate key. It looked like an antique, and the gaps in the key were filled with three different gems. Two of them had cracked, but the last one was flawless. “Often, we discover that magical objects are an extension of their physical form. The ark was for worship and was built as such. This key was designed to unlock a door. However, with the power of these three stones, it was going to unlock something else.”

“What?” Mike was surprised when Ratu handed him the key.

“I have my theories. I believe that Emily was planning to use this key to do the impossible—become a demigod.”

“Why would she need to do that?”

“She discovered something in the house. However, her lifespan was approaching its end, and she had become desperate. Immortality always comes at a great price, and she intended to use the power of this key to gain it through divine intervention.”

“So what, this is the key to Heaven or something?”

“If only it were that simple. I’m afraid that humans have muddied the waters when it comes to what is real and what isn’t. Have you ever wondered if an ant can distinguish you from a cloud in the sky? Mortals are small and often only see what they want to.” Ratu held out her hand, and Mike returned the key, which she tucked back into her cleavage. “I believe she was going to use the key to open a door to where the Ancient Ones slumber, beings from before the universe existed.”

“That sounds like some Lovecraftian shit.”

Ratu frowned, her lips stretching dramatically. “Lovecraft paid the price for the knowledge he gained, and we are lucky to have it. Yes, we are talking about beings of immense power, unable to properly enter this plane through ordinary means. No god in their right mind would simply make Emily a demigod; she had nothing to offer. I think that she planned to offer a trade, allow one of them to slip through.”

“That’s insane.”

“Indeed, but it’s just a theory. Emily brought me many ancient texts while I maintained the guise that I was perfecting my craft. Instead, I was researching the grim possibility that she was about to make a huge mistake. Months before her death, I had learned how to destroy and harvest the magic from the final object. I hid this knowledge from her and encased the object beneath a lake of ice.”

“Is that why you need the goggles?”

Ratu pursed her lips, deep in thought. “Yes. As I mentioned, the Ancient Ones are extremely powerful, but not just in terms of strength. They reside in a plane that is devoid of time and space. The sheer act of interacting with such a creature can annihilate the mind, and as such, the object I need to destroy is very devious. Imagine trying to drive a nail into wood, but in the moment you swing your hammer, the nail is now a snake, and the wood a piece of pie. So now you are chasing a snake with your hammer, but now your hammer is a fork, and you are a German Shepherd.”

“What?” He wondered if Ratu had just had a stroke.

“Exactly. This isn’t just a hallucination, or a fever dream, it’s chaos on a pure level. The object is sealed inside a container meant to prevent the chaos from spreading. Once the container is open, you have to hit the nail before the world changes around you. As a human, just to look upon this thing would cause you to go insane. However, the goggles are a divine object, able to pierce the veil and protect the user for a time.”

“And this is where I come in.”

“Perhaps. With Emily dead, my contract with her is void, except I have technically collected on a bargain I never delivered. I am unable to leave this place, and I am afraid that I suspected that you had come down here to demand the results that Emily never achieved.” Ratu bowed her head. “For this, I am sorry.”

Mike nodded. “It sounds like you were trying to do the right thing. I accept your apology. What about you, Tink?” Mike looked down at the goblin and smiled. Sometime during the conversation, she had eaten her fill, then leaned her head against his side, promptly falling asleep.

“Do you know what she called me right after I brought her here?”

Mike grinned. “I can only imagine. Did it end with fuck?”

Ratu laughed. “It was like a stream of consciousness straight from the bottom of a swamp. Asterion asked me to explain to him what some of the words meant. He had never heard them before.”

“Yeah.” Mike put his arm around Tink. “She can be feisty. Does this mean you will let them all go? My friends and the fairies?”

“I require a new contract of you, Caretaker. Once you have fulfilled your part of the bargain, I will release all of you.”

“Lay it out for me.”

“I would ask that you use those goggles to help me destroy this last object. I also wish to continue living in this place, with the caveat that I am allowed to leave when I choose.”

“Sounds straightforward enough. But what about the witch on my lawn? Couldn’t we just borrow the goggles and come back later?”

Ratu shook her head. “I can’t take that chance. The box containing this object’s effects will not last forever, and if you should perish above, there is nobody to help me destroy it. I cannot escape this place, which means I will fall prey to its power and become a ticking time bomb of my own. This task can be accomplished in a few hours, and if you die in the process, the house above will lock itself away until the next Caretaker comes. I assure you that the geas cannot be targeted while the house is dormant, and everyone will be safe until it awakens once more.”

“Hmm.” He could argue with her, but to