To The Dog Inside by CornFed (the unexpected everything TXT) 📕

Pampered

Pampered is the manicured poodle
With the pretty pink bows in her hair
She doesn’t walk very much
She is carried just about everywhere

But don’t dare tell her she has it made
Don’t call her lazy when she sits in the shade
Cause then you’ll know one big truth
Even Pampered dogs will show you a tooth


Sassy

Sassy struts her way into your day
You know she will only stay
“When I can have it my way!”
The Sassy Chihuahua would say

Let her do what she wants
Only hug her if she asks
If she wants to eat your chair
Then, well, at least she avoided the couch


Protective

Protective scares all who come near his fence
He’s got teeth as big as a wild boar
“This is my yard silly human!”
And all the kids run with each loud ROAR!

Except for one kid
He gets to stay
It’s the German Shepherds friend
And Protective scared his enemies away

Naturalist

Naturalist likes to sunbathe at lunch
He chases little bugs in the yard
He watches the squirrels bicker at the hawk
He gets pieces of dirt on his paws

He likes the wind in his face
When he takes a Poo
What else would you expect
A MaltiPoo to do?


Variety

Variety chases his tail!
Variety chases the winds’ smells!
Variety peed inside the house!
Variety just ate a dead mouse!

Variety has eaten your lunchmeat!
Variety has mud on his feet!
Wait, where is that crazy dog?
Ah, Variety the Beagle is now asleep.


Rambunctious

Mom, Rambunctious ate some dirt!
Mom, Rambunctious ate my shoe!
Mom, Rambunctious ate a dead rat!
Mom, Yuk! Rambunctious ate some dog poo!

Mom, Rambunctious got caught in the stickers!
Mom, Rambunctious fell in the mud chasing a cat!
“Son, at the end of the day, when he’s done
“Go give that Jack Russell a long long bath!”
Resilient

Not many dogs can live to be 20
Not many dogs can eat a steak with no teeth
Not many dogs can live without their shots
Not many dogs can get hit by a car with no scars

Not many dogs can sleep in the cold
Not many dogs disappear for a week
I’m not even sure of the breed
Of this Resilient dog lying at my feet


Laid Back

Laid Back keeps his cool
And there isn’t anything worth his attention
Except a few female dogs
Who keep sniffing in his direction

Laid Back looks almost like a person
Sitting there on the recliner
Paws around his drink and cigar
Laid Back Bull Dogs don’t move very far.


Loose

3 litters a year
This ole gal can’t be still
Always running around
With the other dogs in town

But each puppy grows up strong
And carries himself with pride
Were it not for their mom the Loose Dachshund
They wouldn’t be around to enjoy the Ride


Slut

Unable to have puppies
She enjoys her life
You won’t find her at home
On most any night

“Mom, where did she go?”
“Son, she’s across the street.”
And so the Yorkie enjoys her beer
While another Toy dog barks beneath the sheets.

Gluttony

Just because he cannot run
Doesn’t mean Gluttony is bad
He enjoys the finer things in life
And one bowl never made him glad

Don’t think of taking Gluttony for a walk
Unless you bring along something sweet
That Basset Hound likes everything big and round
From his fanny to his tummy to his treats


Preacher

“Let’s keep it calm and quiet today”
Said the Preacher to his flock
None of the other dogs paid any mind
As they ran off wagging their behinds

“Now that’s more like it”
Said the Preacher to himself
This quiet and gentle Great Dane
Now had time to watch the football game

Rambler

“Mom, Rambler is gone again!”
The Rambler doesn’t know a home
Walking the streets late at night
Chasing cars at the crack of dawn

“Mom, Rambler is home again!”
The Rambler always returns
Where else can he take a break
Before his time to Ramble Returns?


Trouncy

Ouncy Bouncy Trouncy
Lick, bark, and run
Swim to the other side of the pond
Chase the bullets coming from the gun

Never a dull moment
Life is just so so good!
Trouncy the Boykin Spaniel
Barely takes the time to eat his food.

Majestic

When Majestic walks into a room
Everyone stops and stares
The women feel a bit faint
And the men wish they were not there

But don’t be afraid to shake his hand
And tell him how striking he is
The Majestic Mastiff may be powerful
But deep down he still is a kid


Pirate

“ARRRR! Who goes there?”
The Pirate does forewarn
He meets every one face to face
With his sharp weapons drawn

“ARRRR! I don't know you!”
The Pirate makes few new friends
Everyone thinks this Pit Bull is mean
But, really, he’s just playing pretend
Carly Simon

“Nobody does it better”
“Makes me feel sad for the rest”
“Nobody does it half as good as you”
“Baby you’re the best”

Puppies and adults
At the pound
Whichever one you pick
Makes the Carly Simon sound

It goes round and round
When we feel like a dog in the pound
And we make the same sound
As the goodness is handed down


Seeker

Don’t let his exterior fool you
He may look very dumb
But Seeker is just simply waiting
For the next smell to enter his lungs

A master of patiently seeking
A perfector of chasing it down
Ready for the next adventure
You never know what Seeker the Bloodhound
Might have found
Lying around this boring town


Drunk

Those sparkling eyes are begging for something
But Drunk doesn’t need any more booze
She’s just glad you’re home at last
She’s dancing around like it’s a saloon

“Can we? Can we? Let’s do this thing!”
Her eyes dancing left to right
With each tail-nub swing
Drunk the Boxer is ready for tonight!


Hong Kong Fooey

She slowly waltzes through her day
Noble and proud
Hair sweeping the ground
As if she’s palace bound

But when you’re gone
She puts on her mask!
She throws on her robe!
This little Tibettan toy
Slices her way through her day
It’s the Hong Kong Fooey Shih Tzu
All the way


Duuuh

“Duuuh, I’m awfully sleepy.”
“Duuuh, I’m licking my paws.”
“Duuuh, my owners think I don’t care”
“Duuuh, I won’t even chase a ball”

“Duuuh, this couch is pretty nice”
“Duuuh, wish they’d just leave me alone”
“Duuuh, wait, I’m a cat!”
“What am I doing in a dog poem?”


Zip

“Mom, why did Zip chase dad this morning?
“Mom, why did Zip chase the car?”
“Mom, why does Zip always run to the neighbors
“When their fence is left ajar?”

“Son, Zip lives in a GreyHounds world”
“And only he can see”
“That rabbit slippers”
“Or a rabbit bumper sticker”
“Or a rabbit statue”
“Is as close to heaven as he can be”


James Bond

When he walks into a room
Piano music fills the air
He quietly calms all noise
With the slightest brush of his hair

At the poker table
All bets are likely
On the dance floor
All women are his guests
But he holds both decision paws
Close to his chest

Food is served on a silver platter
His watery mixture in an upside down cone
“My dear man did you shake my drink?”
“Or did you stir it with a bone?”

As quietly as he entered
James Bond also tried to leave the same
I spotted him using the back door
I had to know his real name

“James Bond, what kind of dog are you?”
“James Bond, what country do you come from?”
But he only checked his watch
And then dropped me a MilkBone on the floor.


Tubby

BOMP! BOMP! BOMP!
Tubby walks down the stairs
BOMP! BOMP! BOMP!
Tubby jumps into a chair

BOMP! BOMP! BOMP!
Tubby is one fat dude
BOMP! BOMP! BOMP!
Quick! Hide! He’s after your food!


HOT!

HOT! sleeks into the living room
HOT! demands all the boys attention
Not because she asks for it
But because she lives in her HOT! dimension

HOT! wears the prettiest fur
HOT! has diamonds on her paws
She’s HOT!
And you’re NOT!
So WORSHIP ME!
Said the HOT! Maltese.


Bye-Bye

“Mom, why does our dog have a funny name?”
“Mom, why does she like to eat my taco?”
“Mom, why does she bark in Spanish?”
“Mom, is our dog going loco?”

“Son, I’ll be honest with you”
“We really didn’t know what to expect”
“When we found the puppy on the side of road”
“Wearing a big sign with the words “Bye-Bye” on his neck”

Only Bye-Bye really knew the story
Of how the confusion became
You see she was raised south of the border
And Bye-Bye means Chow-Chow
And that became her name.


Drunk - Part Deux

Just because he stumbles around the house
Just because he cannot even bark fast enough
Just because he lies on the couch when tired
Doesn’t mean he’s a worthless schmuck!

He knows all about the fun things in life
He loves the feeling of funky
He is a creative dog!
Give him a paint and a brushy!

Let him sip beer from the bowl!
Let him stumble in the door!
Let him bark at the moon!
Let him be the Dog we all adore!

Because whether we see it or not
A Drunk dog is still a dog
Pick the breed, pick the mix
Dog, spelled backwards, is still God


Eccentric

“Mom, he doesn’t want the treat!”
“Mom, he doesn’t want to go outside!”
“Mom, he doesn’t want to get up!”
“Mom, why doesn’t he sleep by our bedside?”

“Mom, he just runs in circles!”
“Mom, he won’t even let me pet!”
“Mom, now he’s got the cat in his lap!”
“Mom, does our dog need help?”

“Son, it’s time you learned”
“The biggest lesson of your time”
“One can do as one desires”
“And be who you are”
“And our Eccentric Dachshund"
"Is just speaking his mind.”


First Class

“The leather seats are nice up here.”
First Class thought to himself
“And I have to say the steak is top notch”
As First Class ordered a drink from the top shelf

“The stewardess keeps giving me ‘the look’”
First Class merely nodded at the advance
“But I am more fond of that poodle”
As First Class barked and tipped his glass

“Nice selection of movies”
“I always liked Forrest Gump”
First Class felt he was lucky like Forrest
His Owner always keeping him out of the dump

But First Class didn’t even think about
All the other dogs sitting in their cage
Because he knew they couldn’t really help it
Their owners didn’t know how to play life’s game

First Class hoped he would inspire those humans
To give their dogs a life of perfection
“If humans would think of