Ha. Tale by Allan Deya (readict TXT) 📕

THE MORNING AFTER

I know something is wrong
And that is even before I turn to the warmth
To discover that it is not you.

Eyes blurry snap to focus
Mind weary becomes so clear
As I realize that this man should not be here.

I imagine a door slam shut
In my face; in your heart
On our life; on our pact.

I cannot take it back
I can't disown it; but I can control it.
I want to tell this stranger to leave
I am just about to

When the door bursts open
And there is my darling daughter
Dragging the love of my life behind her
Mommy, she calls, mommy
Daddy’s home.
***


REMORSE

Now I've got to face this punishment
And I can't blame you either
I’m your wife, your baby mama
But I’m also a cheater.

I’ve said am sorry
But in your eyes you are defeated
And I know nothing I say
Will ever make you believe it.

So I stand here eyes tearing
Watching you pack 12 years in boxes
And send them to your sister.
Watching my daughter, our pride
Hang on to the only thing in her life still real.

You drive away and a part of me goes with you
The biggest part; the best
How do I get back what I have lost?
Because a night of lust is not worth my ever after.
***


LOST

I have the words
Truckloads and backyards full
But I don’t know which to use with you
That I haven’t tried, that you haven’t rejected.

My every smile is met with contempt
My every word with stony silence
My every touch avoided
My very existence to you voided.

If I could I would
Take back that unfortunate night
That one night out of 12 by 365
That one night I slipped

Slipped I say because
I never fell; not in love with him
Certainly never out of love with you.

You don’t believe me
Of course you won't
Not after the death of trust
But I would like you to know

NO!

To believe that my life is and ever will be
Yours to do with as you please
I am no longer just me
And haven’t been for many a year

I am you and you are me
And I am sorry that for a minute
I could not see.

I try and I try
And finally I have your attention
But imagine that!
I don’t know what to say
Now that I do.

Of all the words on my mind
All the thoughts in my soul
All the pain in my life
For all the things that I love
The only thing I can find to say is
I didn’t mean to.
***


MY DECISION

I look mad
I know
Streaking through your office
Wedding dress, bouquet, sports shoes and all.

I find you hunched over your desk
Hard at work; alone.
Like you were the first time I saw you
Like you had always been
Before I saved you.

And you saved me.

You look up; I am looking down
My face awash; my voice ablaze
This you have to hear
This you have to know

You gave me your love
Undeserving and unworthy as I was
And now I will not let you take it away.

I have wronged you
And I have hurt you
Like you will hurt me
Over the rest of our lives
Never I pray like you hurt me now.

The fate you impress on me
Is worse than death
For at least in death I do not dream
I do not feel; I do not hurt; and do not grieve.

So I will fight you; and stay
As you battle to keep me away
And when you are ready to love me
You will come home
And help me forgive myself.

Publication Date: 08-15-2010

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To anyone who has ever been on either side of this fence.