The Mind of M: by M.J. Garrett (classic novels to read txt) 📕

The Rebirth

For so long, I've laid with my face in the pillow
I've been overlooked by the world, forgetting the feel of...
A hand of one that isn't trying to choke me
I've pushed you away because you always try to hurt me
You try to find ways to manipulate my view
I see the light, I don't need the likes of you
So go home and tell the world about me
Tell them I'm hard and calloused, make them doubt me
You want the truth, you are fucking dead to me
You say you want family, but you need shock therapy
You asked me to house you and feed you, give you a job
I delivered, you stupid fuck, and yet you still want more
You think I forget, you must be mistaken
You think I don't know about the money that you've taken
I could care less now, you mean nothing
You will never be nothing, if by chance you become something
Let me be the first to congratulate you,
turn around, smile, laugh, and then stab you
You know who you are, you run your mouth too much
bite too much off and I'll cut out your tongue
See if you don't end up eating a fucking clever
Stay in jail, it's the only way to keep your heart beating
Family is family...it's all you got
Fuck that, fuck him, it's all for not
So when you need help to save your ass
Don't call me because I won't ever help you out
You are no brother, uncle, cousin, or friend
You are a nothing piece of shit, I care less how you end.
Do you see what you've done, you've started the rebirth
I have no feelings, no heart, no desire to research
I'm not your family, I'm not your kin, I'm nothing to you
So go fuck yourself, stupid...maybe kill yourself too


Daily Bread

If it's one more day, then I've had enough
If it's one less day, then I'll chalk it to luck
It seems that I've lost so many things
That make the world worth living in
But when I cry for them, I'm such an asshole
When I die for them, I'm a selfish hero
Look through the eyes of someone that's stone
emotionless creature you think cares, but don't
We all lust for the things that elude us most
We'll bite the hand that feeds and curse the host
You push me, I'll turn the other cheek
You beg me to stay, when I'm all out reach
I see you there, I know your there
Give me one reason, why I should care
Join the club of the ones that tried to hurt me
kill me, enslave me, cut and rape me
I'll never be who you think I should
I'm just another one on your list to curse and push
I didn't cut the ties, that was all you
I just tried to be there, so fuck you too.


Empty

They say time is all you need
But how much is enough
The wound is so deep
The pain is too much
I can't see your smiles
I can't touch your face
I'm suppose to be happy
But I can't close the space
I shutter in my room
My eyes swell with tears
No one ever knows
It's my secret fears
What I would give
For your hand on my shoulder
Time flies by
And all you do is get older
You'll forget my smile
You'll forget my face
I'll still cry
As my fear gives chase
You'll never really understand
What it's like to be
Shattered in a million
And no one will see
I can tell you
But I want to show it
I love you kids
I hope you know it
Let her tell you
That I'm so fucking happy
She means well
But I'm done with laughing
I'll sit here
In my hiding place
And pray that you come
Be my saving grace
Until then...
Know I'm crying still
Until your hand touches mine
My heart will never...never...never be filled.


To My Son:

Dear Son,
I know that I tell you, but do you really know
How much I really love you and how much I can't show
I see your pictures and the way you smile
I see your so happy, but it's not even mine
I wish I could feel your cold nose against mine
We smile and laugh and watch cartoons at night

I know that I yell and you get upset
Maybe I push on you the things on my chest
I never meant to hurt you, I hoped you understood
I wasn't even mad, just being the best father I could
Maybe I tried to hard, maybe not enough
But I'm so sorry now, I fucked it all up

If you read this, I must be dead gone
If you don't understand, go into my home
Look under the safe that is in my room
There lies a map to the secret tomb
You'll find what you wanted but never had
A father, a mentor, a perfect dad.

In loving memory,
Dad.


Voices

Make them stop, you don't know what's best
You think I need you to pull the "S" off my chest?
I hear you, stop yelling, I get your fucking point
My ears are bleeding from the sound of you shrieking voice
I can't see why it has to be so fucking hard
You want me to knife out the one thing I love
My hands grip my hair and my eyes closed tight
I can't yell loud enough to make them all stop
You yell out commands like it's so damn easy
I got 7 voices screaming so loudly
Let's get one thing clear, you're all in my head
See how good you breathe when the wall's painted red
Now you wanna listen to the words I got to say?
Keep fucking yelling and see how long you won't stay!
I sit all alone in this room that confines me
No lights, no sound, except these voices that hate me
"Put it down" you say? Oh now you fucking care
How about all the times you were never there!
You try to hurt me, I see through your mask
So damn quiet when I got a barrel shoved in my mouth
Let me think, give me a reason to stay
All the days I'll never have to watch my kids play?
Fuck it, I'm tired, I'm finished with this game
Let the M.E. come and clean the ceiling fan's blade


To My Daughter:

Dear Love,
I know you think I'm the greatest man on earth
I try to be, I want to be, it's what you deserve
But in reality, I could never be
What you want, or what you even need
I'm a fucking failure, I feel like I betrayed you
I never fought to keep you here, and all I do is miss you
I don't have money to send and spoil you
I talk to you every night, but it's not enough for you
I only get to see you, through photos I didn't take
I can't see you score your first goal and the smile on your face
I won't be the one you hug and laugh with
I'm so far away, I can't even kiss you
When you need someone to draw a picture
Tape it on the wall and smile with you
When you cry for me at night, I can't tuck you in
I'm not there, I'm here, I failed you again.
I guess now that I'm gone, I won't go anywhere
You'll drop flowers on my grave and probably spit on me while standing there
It's okay, I understand your pain
I just never thought I would be the one to hurt you again.

In Loving Memory:
Dad...


Relapse

You want to hurt me, hate me,
try to fucking change me,
Kill me, be me,
maybe even rape me,
You think you own me, know me,
now you want to clone me,
Beat me, cheat me,
see if you can meet me.
I know you think you got me, shot me,
boss me and lost me,
grab me, stab me,
maybe even have me,
You fucking want me, taunt me,
dream of me, and haunt me.
I see the way you look at me
cold smile like you shook me
I know you wish you took me
Distain from the day you tried to book me.
Keep dreaming big and pray for pain
hope i give a fuck on the day you change
until then stay, walk the fuck away,
shut your fucking mouth and play the fucking game.
I'll never be who you wish I was
I'm just a normal man with no creed of cause
I'm lost, I know, no need to remind me,
find me, lie to me, or even wine and dine me
Just turn around and don't look back
Wait for the "bang" and watch me relapse.


Remember me?

I watch you burn, I can hear you scream
I smile in awe, I walk away and think
I could've done this a million times
I let you think it was over, ease your mind
You think I forgot, no, I've been planning
So ready to die for this moment, I'll take what they hand me
I can do my time, knowing I ended you
I can fight for my life just to stay alive and remember you
I take pride in the fact that you saw me last
You cried like I did, but I revenged my past
You look so pathetic, I wish you could see
I spit on you and laugh, now you want to be me
The smell of your flesh fills my nose
I will walk away with pride, I don't care who knows.
I finished you, I hurt you, I took your last breath
I could have finished you, put a fucking hole in your chest
I figured this would be the way you went
Burn here first, then burn for the life that you spent
Hurting me, hurting them, smiling with your pride
Now you scream for mercy, you look in my eyes
So ironic, it is I who finished you
You burn so well and I smile while watching you.

Publication Date: 09-11-2011

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