Suicidal Melancholy by Stephanie Acevedo (the red fox clan .TXT) 📕

Suicidal sadness, yes every girl's dream... Razor blades, yes every girl's dream. The blade, the tears... They all come together. Fit perfectly. There comes a point where you just decide to stop caring about everything... especially life because life turns you into things that you don't like. A year ago, I would have never pictured my life the way it is now. Drama, self harm, slow suicide. It all came so fast. Then I ask... Why me? That one girl that everyone expects to have a good life because she smiles, life really isn't so bright at all. I'm getting used to not talking to you. I wonder if you noticed. I read old messages wondering where it all went wrong. I can't find any. I'm confused. I go through old messages... I miss the fun we used to have. So much has already happened to me in one year. I look down at my arm just thinking when am I going to reopen. The pain and suffering of the marks never terrify me. Yes, I am that one girl that hides inside herself. I feel so much emotionally, I would say that a physical outlet- physical pain was the only way to make my internal pain go away. It was the only way I could control it. I look down at my arm... Hmm blood, but did I care? No. I just sat and watched as the blood dripped down my arm. Did it hurt? No. It only hurts if I want it to. Blood doesn't scare me. Why should it? I cry blood tears. People puncture me and wonder why I bleed. There is no need to keep on wasting tears onto a pillow. Why not waste them on my skin? Tears don't last forever, scars do. I get applause from the ghosts around me because they care to listen. Yes, my suicidal melancholy. Why bring to life what you can kill again? Why put me through that? Slow surgery, slow torture, slow death. I found the solution. *Picks up razor blade* *Rolls up sleeve* *Saws at skin* Yes my solution has come. Will it end? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't want to know. Please stop torturing my mind with questions. I can't take it anymore. 

  We walk alone, live life alone and die alone. We go through life wandering like a lonely spirit in the air. The air blows you sp hard that you fall over and you just want t lie there and cry... in the adrk world. You feel as if no one is able to protect you from danger, or no one is out there to listen. Your body tells and screams, but do they hear? No. It's like you're trapped in a mirror and on the other side, while the person is staring at their reflection, you beg, plead and cry just wanting them to notice and hear you out. They don't, they can't. You lay there in misery at war with your mind. Only if someone knew exactly how much you were suffering. You honeslty feel as if you have NO control over that brain of yours. The horrible thoughts and messages and you try to convince yourself that it's not true. I became a whole new person. Nothing. My mind was completely blank. I felt blank. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was blank. I no longer knew who I was or who I wanted to be. I was lost someplace far away from the real world, the real life. Will I make it back in time? I don't know. I was slowly dying because the horrid thoughts were like knives stabbing at my heart. What is wrong with me? I am falling apart, I cannot live like this. It was like I spoke, but no one heard me. I became in danger the day I became silent. Silence is one of the most strongest voices in the world. Some people don't want to hear it. Why couldn't I be one of those people?

Publication Date: 07-11-2015

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