Gloomy Sunday Peoms by Ivy Bernet (book club suggestions .txt) 📕

On The Pain Of Heartbreak

 

Why are you so afraid of being hurt?

You would never let anyone get close to you.

 

You won’t let anyone hold your hand,

And they will never even touch your heart.

 

Is it because you fear the cold sting of loneliness,

Or the desolation in the words of rejection.

 

Oh but I know pain,

And I welcome it.

 

I know the sting of the wind against my heart once it has been ripped from my chest.

And I know how a few small words can completely destroy me.

 

So my dear, when you are alone tonight, Basking in your self-hatred.

Remember that you are the one who pushed us away,

You are the one who cut ties with everyone.

 

You will not cry,

you will not speak,

You will sit and feel nothing but emptiness.

 

Tonight I will also be alone,

And I will wallow in all my broken hearts.

 

I will cry over ever kiss and touch,

I will feel the heartbreak as if for the first time.

 

But I think it is better this way,

For I would much rather re-live every miserable moment,

Then feel nothing at all, like you.

On Worthlessness

 

On most days I don’t feel anything

On better days I feel tired

I feel absent of my ability to love

I feel blockaded into my body

 

But this is how I have been made

I wasn’t always this broken

But then again neither were you

 

I know how fragile you feel

I know to what thinness others have pulled you

How you stand behind your sins

How you cling to yourself just for something to hold on to

 

We are both the product and the cause

We are two different breeds of the same monster

Both mutated in dissimilar ways

 

However while you grasp for anything

I let go of everything that ever might have mattered to me

And unfortunately that is how I know what will become of us

For you my dear friend are searching for acceptance

 

And when no one cares about you anymore

You will be left with nothing else but me

And because in my nature I am unable to love anything, even you

 

You will be forced to love and appreciate yourself

Which we both know goes against your nature

And eventually your feelings of helplessness will overcome you

 

And unfortunately for you

I find wholeness in is destroying everything I should love

And you will be pulled so thin you disappear entirely

On Self-Hatred

 

I know my issues are all in my head

The hatred I have for every word I utter

The imperfections I see staring at me in the mirror

The judgments I pass on my behavior

 

I am sure that you feel the same way about me.

You hate me the way I hate me

You see my ugliness that is covered with heavy makeup

You ridicule my every action.

 

I know my self-hatred is in my head

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

On Walls

 

We build walls around our souls

Everyone’s wall is unique

Some are to protect against heartbreak

Some stave off our loneliness

And some guard us from our own self destructive nature

 

Unfortunately all our walls share the same flaw

Yes they do defend us from all pain

But they also blockade all joys we would otherwise experience

 

Fret not for one day every wall we have set will crumble

Yes it will hurt and we will know pain like never before

We will scream and thrash in our bed

Plead with our unknown maker to deliver us

And we will find new devices to keep our pain away

On You

 

Hello

If you are reading this

we have probably never met

I wish I had met you,

I wish I will still meet you

 

I hope we could’ve had inside jokes

            That we would laugh at endlessly

I hope we could have cried together

            Knowing that someone had the same pain

I hoped we could have shared our darkest dreams

            Confiding our biggest fears to someone trustworthy

Sharing a bond far stronger than any sibling

 

I wish I could spend endless hours learning about you

Knowing exactly how you feel;

When the first tear drops form your eye

When you are reunited with a loved one

When the moment you realize your heart is broken

When you turn to face the demons you created

 

I wish I know;

            The turn in your voice giving away your true emotions

            Your favorite part of the sunset

            What you would name your daughter

            How you feel about dancing in the rain

 

However Form the moment you started reading this

Nothing you have ever done before matters

And anything you will do after is meaningless to me

Form the second your eyes laid upon this

I have loved, I will always love you

 

In my eyes you are the person I have written about;

            You are the Boy I think is beautiful

            You are the person Feeling pain and frustration

            You are the one who teases and longs for Death

            You are the knight I love and have created

 

And these poems are for you;

            You are the one is pain

            These are my hopes for you

            You are the one who sees the villain in themselves

 

Who you are is irrelevant

What you have done is a throwaway

For I shall never know you

And this saddens me greatly

Knowing that the only connection we will ever share

Is this one small poem

 

But I wish more than the best for you

I wish everything for you

I would pull down the moon if it was in my power

For I will always love you.

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Publication Date: 03-03-2015

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