Gloomy Sunday Peoms by Ivy Bernet (book club suggestions .txt) 📕

He is beauty

 

 

He is the sun that spins my frozen world.

He is the ink in my pen that had never written.

He is the bright light that shines upon my soul giving it new life and hope,

Though no man will ever know it, including himself.

 

And to his beauty,

Although any word I write will never do justice to his features.

His lips hush my trembling heart.

His voice echoes in my lonely ears.

He eyes reach into the soul that I thought no man could touch.

 

His beauty tells me that my soul may not always be alone.

His beauty whispers promises of a time when I will not have to face this life unaided.

His beauty is the wings that hold my heart,

Out of dark depression of my soul.

 

However those who I keep company with tell me he is not beauty.

They point out flaw my eyes will never see.

But if they see not his beauty

Then what must they think of me in comparison?

For if I was to compare his beauty to my own, I would the monster meant for the night

 So that no human eye may look upon me.

I would be the child parents used to stone out of fear.

 

But they tell me fear not,

For it is what makes me myself that is beautiful not my physical appearance.

And I suppose they mean my soul.

But if they had even caught the slightest glimpse of my true soul there’s would shrivel away to nothing.

For I know my soul,

I have spent thousands of lonely hours in the place where my soul resides.

I have seen the horrors my soul delights in.

I know the monster my soul wishes me to be.

But his beauty helps me fight that monster,

That would consume me given the smallest of chances.

 

So I have decided to believe in his beauty.

For all people of this world, including myself, know not beauty.

Their own eyes and heart lie to them, spinning tales that could never be true.

So I will see beauty where I please.

And tell me not you’re idea of beauty for I care not what lies your eyes have seen.

Instead I will be content in the lies my own eyes see,

That he is beauty.

Me In The Mirror

 

Recently I have been looking in the mirror

I find myself wondering who this girl is

She looks so much like me

But also completely different       

 

‘When did you become this stranger?’

I ask looking into the blue eyes staring back at me

She doesn’t respond with words

 But replies with the same degusted look I give her

 

I still see all the things I hated about myself

But now all the things I used to love are also gone

Replaced with even more reasons to hate the reflection

 

I often wonder if she is a different person stuck in the mirror

Maybe she has the personality to match her feature

Or maybe she is the girl I wish I could be

Moving On

 

I think I have found someone new

Who I hope will treat me better then you ever did

All that is left for me to do is to forget you

And I think I am doing a commendable job

 

I can barely remember the way your jacket smelled

On cold winter nights

Or the way that you smiled

When we would get into fights

 

The way you laughed has faded

And you almost never cross my mind anymore

 

But the truth is the scars you left on me will always remain

My Explanation

 

You don't understand.

I don't have to be emotional to hate myself.

I can smile at everyone and still be depressed.

 

You don't understand because you're not broken.

I realize that I am both loved and accepted,

 

But I still want to kill myself.

My Knight

 

You are my shimmering shinning glowing knight

How you are everything I have ever needed.

Oh but the cruel Ironies of this life, for he is my all

But he is everything that would wish to cause me pain.

 

His eyes tell me he will never look upon me with love.

His fingers scream that they will never touch me tenderly

His arms cry of an emptiness I will never fill

His lips taunt me with sweet word that will never be fulfilled.

 

But even with you knowing all that you still flaunt yourself before me

And you expect me to love you even though I know we will never be

So even though everything tells me to love you

Why do I so strongly wish I didn’t?

 

I still search for that knightly golden heart

Hidden somewhere under you many tautens.

On Falling in Love

 

When I first saw you I adverted my eyes

Instead of enjoying your beauty I looked upon my plain shoe

All my usual clever quips were stuck in my throat

So I stood there in silence

That was the instant I knew I would someday love you

 

I kept telling myself ‘Say something’

But I didn’t, instead I withered into myself

My own little private bubble

That I prayed you wouldn’t break

 

I heard another describe me as “Fiery”

But I just stood there feeling ashamed of who I was

Knowing you would judge every word that I uttered

So I said nothing, knowing I would never live up

To any girl you had ever wanted or dreamed about

 

At first I hated you for being someone I wanted

How I loathed ever word you voiced

And felt nothing but mortified every time your attention shined on me

I wondered if in those moments you were studding my imperfections

 

But you eventually popped my bubble

Just as I always knew you would

Being exposed to you was almost unbearable

I longed to return to my created world

 

You pulled my out, holding my hand the entire time

How could I not fall for you?

You were my dream, everything I had ever wanted

The first time you showed me the slightest kindness

My heart gushed with joy

 

For in my mind I had turned you into a monster

Saying you were the lowest life form imaginable

But my heart knew all the illusions

 That my brain had created were false

 

Every moment of my day I hope I will get a glimpse of you

The sound of your voice echoes in my head

Every kind word you say only makes me want you more

Maybe I was right to hate you

For you are entirely more than I deserve

 

I wear a token on my hand

 To remind me that you are not everything this world has to offer

But in your presence nothing else matter

I use every chance I have to learn more about you

 

You are much too quickly becoming my new world

Now I long for your attention,

To consume every second of your time, it is selfish, I know

However I have nothing else

 But the hope you will someday say something sweet to me

 

My mind knows it is unfair to blame you

I have done this to myself

And unfortunately for you

I am unsure if it is better to love or hate you

Eventually my affection for you will run amuck

 

My brain will no longer be able to control me

And I will let my wild emotions ruin me

But until that day I will love you

On Heartbreak

 

When I first learned how you truly felt about me

My empty chest was filled with sadness

 

I had always hoped and dreamed that you loved me

That you couldn’t live without me, just like I can’t without you

 

And To be entirely honest with you

I preferred not knowing that you couldn’t love me

 

Before I knew I was able to sleep soundly dreaming of you

Now I am always awake and in pain

 

Before I would hang on your ever word

Now I cry when I remember the sound of your voice

 

Before my heart was frozen but my love for you broke that ice

And this