Abyss by Lucio Razi (i love reading books txt) 📕

pour, let it flood

 

Always flowing within me

Want it to flow out where I can see

Beads and then drips

Goosebumps on my skin as the cold nips

I take the metal edge and slice

Opening up despite everyone's advice

 

I want blood, give me blood

Let it flood up the tub

Don't want yours, no, no, no

I only want to see my own

Red draining out of my arms

Oh don't you be alarmed

When I start to gasp and choke

Dying as I soak

In this blood, blood, blood

Let it rain, let it pour, let it flood

 

Nothing to be scared of

It's only a little blood

 

Disturbed

Disturbed

 

disgusting 

I both despise and enjoy the taste

as I lick up my own blood

dripping from my arm

trash

i deserve nothing less

than to slice my skin open with a knife

for no one to mind at all

Attention Seeking

Attention Seeking

 

Everything revolves around

My friends and how they treat me

And comparing the way they interact with me

To their friendships with others

And no it isn't healthy

That I think lowly of myself when

I realize the others are close

Or they don't talk to me that week

I shouldn't take everything so personally

Yet

Yet

Yet

Feeling unnwanted seems to be

Where my mind is set on heading lately.

to drift apart

to drift apart

 

let go, you'll drift

palm to palm, finger to finger

you slide away from me

fingertip grazes fingertip

and then nothing but empty space

fills the air between us

goodbye, my friend

this pressure in my chest intensifies

as i choke out a sob

and watch the heels of your sneakers turn on the pavement

i hope to see you again

but for tonight, and tomorrow, and this year

i cannot solve what's wrong with me

so i can only say goodbye

Lent

Lent

 

40 days to give up something in my life.

Ran it through my head; put away sugary carbonated drinks?

(I tried for four days to give up my knife.)

I haven't been to church in a month, I think.

But I haven't worshipped in longer.

God, I'm not giving up on You, because that's my biggest fear

Well, I'd drop a bad habit if only I were stronger

Some days I think I'll just give up in general but that's not what You want to hear

 

My friendships break my heart day in and day out

I wish they'd hear me but they don't have much time

To make me a priority and talk about

All the ways I'm not okay and all the metaphorical grime

That covers my heart nowadays; what with how cynical

I'm coming to be, how much I hate who I am

My thoughts rising to the pinnacle

How dark they could possibly get, I tell them to scram

 

But maybe I must let go of you, my poison

The cyanide I'm drinking in each time you don't reply

You kill me over and over as if time is frozen

For everyone but you; when you said you cared, I feel you may have lied.

Bloody knife in your hand, pain in my chest

I turn away from you and remember my 40 days, something I must choose.

For all the times I blocked you out then second-guessed

Maybe I must give up entirely, finally give up on you.

Attached

Attached

I have a terrible habit

Of wanting emotional closeness with every person I meet

Longing for meaning

Where it just doesn't exist

 

The higher your hopes become

The harder you hit the pavement when you fall

 

I've always longed for a storybook friendship

Filled with special moments contained within the mundane

I spill my guts to strangers, acquaintances, and friends all the same

It's gotten me nowhere but hurt and lonely

 

For reaching too high

For being too honest

 

Sometimes I wish my sensitive heart would cease

In its beating

Shut up, curl up, shrivel up

And die.

Yonder

Yonder

Why does my breath feel caught in my throat

But air is passing in and out of my lungs just fine?

Can you see it on my face

That whether a room is crowded or empty

It all feels like silence to me?

The quiet rumbling of the air vent

Is making my skin crawl

And I can't touch the scene around me

Being acknowledged or even conversed with

Doesn't feel like a connection

There's a constant barrier in my mind

That makes me separated, within the same space

I don't think anyone can change what's off

In this head of mine.

Ignored

Ignored

You know how you said there was still hope?

To piece together our broken friendship?

We cannot begin to mend this

If you're always ignoring me for weeks on end

Especially when the main problem is communication

You told me there was hope if one believed in it

Tell me, when did you stop hoping?

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Publication Date: 01-06-2017

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