Rich in Years by Johann Arnold (ereader ebook .txt) 📕

Accepting Changes

An excerpt from Rich in Years: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Long Lifeby Johann Christoph Arnold.

Old age creeps up on everyone. Most of my life I didn’t want to think about it. Then obstacles began to appear, trying to slow me down. First I lost my voice and could not speak for months. Then I had trouble with my heart. Both of my eyes needed surgery, and one eye is completely blind. Then my hearing deteriorated. It seemed like one thing after another was breaking down.

Thankfully my wife and I still walk a few miles every day. I can still read and type enough to do my work. Still, how many of us are like the friend of mine who once exclaimed, “My body is aging, but I am not!” I’m sure many find themselves in similar states of denial. Naturally, letting go of all the activities that we used to do is difficult. It can be hard to accept our changing role in the family or workplace as others take over our responsibilities. This can make us feel useless and depressed.

A sense of humor about the trials of old age is more important than we realize. Laughter can brighten the days of all those around us who think they are too busy with important things to joke around. Sometimes laughter is the only answer when we forget people’s names or where we put our keys. My doctor, who is older than me, once joked, “All my friends walk faster than they used to. They also talk faster and quieter. They even look a little fuzzier. Everything’s changing! Or is it me?” As my friend Pete Seeger likes to sing:

Old age is golden, or so I’ve heard said,

But sometimes I wonder, as I crawl into bed,

With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,

My eyes on the table until I wake up…

Less of a laughing matter is a loss of mobility, starting with the need for canes and progressing to walkers, wheelchairs, and bed rest. All these things encroach on our independence, and we find that activities that were once easy now require effort and stamina. No wonder the bumper sticker says, “Old age is not for sissies!”

Other aspects of growing old are even more difficult to bear: the death of a spouse or the onset of dementia. Sudden illness strikes and one is confronted with one’s own mortality. These are very real fears, and ones I’ve dealt with personally.

Often, too, we have regrets about the past. We may feel we didn’t succeed in our chosen career, earn as much as we could have, or advance as far as we deserved. We may wish we had raised our children differently. Personally, I feel I have missed far too many opportunities to show love to other people.

But dwelling on these thoughts only creates bitterness and isolates us from others, even from beloved family members. The best way to deal with the mess we may have made of our lives, or the difficult burdens we may carry, is to accept God’s grace as we face the future.

Perhaps this is the key to making the most of one’s last years. Instead of focusing on our regrets, we can choose to give thanks to God for the life we have lived. Meister Eckhart said that with the advancing of age there should eventually be only one phrase left in our vocabulary – “Thank you.” Such a feeling of gratitude doesn’t come easily. But when it does, we realize that an exciting phase of our lives is starting in which we can still contribute, in new ways, to the good of humankind.

Leslie Underwood, a single sixty-five-year-old woman in my church, has been blind since her youth. Rather than rebelling against the added difficulties of aging, she discovered a better way.

Old age is a blessing to me. God’s grace and wisdom have led me to a more peaceful life. And I’m realizing that old age can be a gift given to the young. Did you ever notice how very young children are attracted to the elderly? Isn’t that part of God’s plan?

When I die, I hope it will be seen as a gift to those who are so fearful and perplexed about the end of their own lives. I used to think of death as a dark and mysterious valley of transition to be avoided. But since becoming a Christian about fifteen years ago, eternity became real, and much of my fear of death has gone. I wait for the Lord’s promises and can truthfully ask, “Death, where is thy sting?”

I do still have regrets about the past. Mine was not an easy life; I was raised in a chaotic environment with alcohol, violence, parental absences, and neglect. But I was able to move beyond myself by becoming a social worker and helping people whom others didn’t want. For some of them, their fear of death was more real and immediate than mine. Now I live with other Christians, and the fear and distrust is slowly melting away, replaced by acceptance and love, which leads to spiritual peace.

I often wonder how to help an older person accept and embrace God’s will. It is so important to help others rather than think only of ourselves. If we miss these opportunities, turning in on ourselves and losing sight of others, we easily lose perspective and become bitter or angry. Most of all, we need to learn how to forgive the hurts done by others. When we forgive, we become free and begin to see countless opportunities to contribute.

Retiring from one’s job can provide time to make these contributions. Unfortunately, many approach retirement either as a time to fulfill their dreams, for their own pleasure, or as a time to dread, with empty, lonely hours. It is without a doubt a drastic change; for instance, learning to get along with one’s spouse again after years of being out of the house for much of the day. We may miss the responsibilities and authority we had at work. Or we may simply miss being busy. But if we find something to live for, a cause or purpose that needs dedication and work, then we’ll always have a reason to get up in the morning! In the last years, I have found fulfillment in speaking to high school and college students about forgiveness and reconciliation as part of a program called Breaking the Cycle.

One need not be physically fit to serve. Well into his eighties, Peter Cavanna, who was fluent in several languages, would go once a week to visit prisoners in the local jail. When the inmates moved to other prisons, he would keep in touch with them by mail. Eventually he corresponded with nearly forty men, in both Spanish and English. Peter’s correspondence with inmates not only encouraged them, which they often expressed, but also fulfilled him in his last years. He would often tell those around him how his pen pals were doing.

Everyone can find some sort of fulfillment. It is so important to give thanks each day for some small thing of beauty, whether a sunrise, a birdsong, or a child’s smile. There might be a plant on the window sill or a bird feeder on the back porch that needs tending. Never miss the chance to offer a smile or a kind word to someone else, a friend or a stranger, or your spouse. If we are still able to read – now that we finally have time! – we may catch up on the classics of literature. Or just listen to great classical music. I have always loved the works of composers like Bach and Handel.

I’ve always enjoyed a good meal and a cold beer with my family and friends on the weekend. What could be more wonderful than breaking bread with others? As Jesus said, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (Matt. 18:20). Anything that leads to community adds richness to our lives.

Of course, building community takes time. But that’s another thing I’ve learned in my old age: to stop rushing around from one appointment to the next, and instead, to take more time with my wife, my children, my grandchildren, and other children in the neighborhood. Time spent alone is also valuable. Contemplative silence outdoors appreciating God’s creation is beneficial to soul and body. Sometimes just “being” is more important than “doing.”

…Alice von Hildebrand, a former philosophy professor in New York, is now in her nineties. She has found old age easier to accept because she has a reason for living.

When I was still teaching, I rode on the subway and looked at the faces: boredom, despair, sadness. This, in the richest country in the world!

But the moment that you relate to God – and thank him for your existence, for loving you, for being your savior – you can establish a most beautiful relationship with other people. You love and help one another. You realize the meaning of your life is not luxury and fun, but it is helping. Once you radiate joy, sooner or later people are going to say, “What’s her secret?” And then gently, without preaching, without saying “I’m superior to you,” you just share. After all, the meaning of the word “gospel” is “the happy message.”

That’s all we can do. Obviously there are moments of darkness and discouragement. There are moments when we lose sight of the beauty of the sky because there are clouds. But one very fine day you come out of it. We are made for joy. Don’t expect Paradise on this earth. But there is meaning, and this meaning is the love of God.

All of us can find such meaning in our lives. When we do, we will also find strength and grace to accept the changes that come with age.

From Rich in Years: Finding Peace and Purpose in a Long Lifeby Johann Christoph Arnold.

© 2013 The Plough Publishing House

JOHANN CHRISTOPH ARNOLD’S books have helped more than 1 million readers through the challenges of marriage, parenting, forgiving and grieving. In over 40 years as a pastor, he and his wife, Verena, have counseled thousands of individuals and families facing the adventures of old age.

To learn more, please visit: www.richinyears.com

Publication Date: 01-20-2014

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