Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

not think it can be expressed. One morning it happened to rain

so much as to make it seem impossible to leave the house. When I

had gone out, I was so beside myself with that longing, that if

spears had been pointed at my heart, I should have rushed upon

them; the rain was nothing. When I entered the church I fell

into a deep trance, and saw heaven open—not a door only, as I

used to see at other times. I beheld the throne which, as I have

told you, my father, I saw at other times, with another throne

above it, whereon, though I saw not, I understood by a certain

inexplicable knowledge that the Godhead dwelt.

32. The throne seemed to me to be supported by certain animals; I

believe I saw the form of them: I thought they might be the

Evangelists. But how the throne was arrayed, and Him who sat on

it I did not see, but only an exceedingly great multitude of

angels, who seemed to me more beautiful, beyond all comparison,

than those I had seen in heaven. I thought they were, perhaps,

the seraphim or cherubim, for they were very different in their

glory, and seemingly all on fire. The difference is great, as I

said before; [12] and the joy I then felt cannot be described,

either in writing or by word of mouth; it is inconceivable to any

one what has not had experience of it. I felt that everything man

can desire was all there together, and I saw nothing; they told

me, but I know not who, that all I could do there was to

understand that I could understand nothing, and see how

everything was nothing in comparison with that. So it was; my

soul afterwards was vexed to see that it could rest on any

created thing: how much more, then, if it had any affection

thereto; for everything seemed to me but an ant-hill.

I communicated, and remained during Mass. I know not how it was:

I thought I had been but a few minutes, and was amazed when the

clock struck; I had been two hours in that trance and joy.

33. I was afterwards amazed at this fire, which seems to spring

forth out of the true love of God; for though I might long for

it, labour for it, and annihilate myself in the effort to obtain

it, I can do nothing towards procuring a single spark of it

myself, because it all comes of the good pleasure of His Majesty,

as I said on another occasion. [13] It seems to burn up the old

man, with his faults, his lukewarmness, and misery; so that it is

like the phoenix, of which I have read that it comes forth, after

being burnt, out of its own ashes into a new life. Thus it is

with the soul: it is changed into another, whose desires are

different, and whose strength is great. It seems to be no longer

what it was before, and begins to walk renewed in purity in the

ways of our Lord. When I was praying to Him that thus it might

be with me, and that I might begin His service anew, He said to

me: “The comparison thou hast made is good; take care never to

forget it, that thou mayest always labour to advance.”

34. Once, when I was doubting, as I said just now, [14] whether

these visions came from God or not, our Lord appeared, and, with

some severity, said to me: “O children of men, how long will you

remain hard of heart!” I was to examine myself carefully on one

subject,—whether I had given myself up wholly to Him, or not.

If I had,—and it was so,—I was to believe that He would not

suffer me to perish. I was very much afflicted when He spoke

thus, but He turned to me with great tenderness and sweetness,

and bade me not to distress myself, for He knew already that, so

far as it lay in my power, I would not fail in anything that was

for His service; that He Himself would do what I wished,—and so

He did grant what I was then praying for; that I was to consider

my love for Him, which was daily growing in me, for I should see

by this that these visions did not come from Satan; that I must

not imagine that God would ever allow the devil to have so much

power over the souls of His servants as to give them such

clearness of understanding and such peace as I had.

35. He gave me also to understand that, when such and so many

persons had told me the visions were from God, I should do wrong

if I did not believe them. [15]

36. Once, when I was reciting the psalm Quicumque vult, [16] I

was given to understand the mystery of One God and Three Persons

with so much clearness, that I was greatly astonished and

consoled at the same time. This was of the greatest help to me,

for it enabled me to know more of the greatness and marvels of

God; and when I think of the most Holy Trinity, or hear It spoken

of, I seem to understand the mystery, and a great joy it is.

37. One day—it was the Feast of the Assumption of the Queen of

the Angels, and our Lady—our Lord was pleased to grant me this

grace. In a trance He made me behold her going up to heaven, the

joy and solemnity of her reception there, as well as the place

where she now is. To describe it is more than I can do; the joy

that filled my soul at the sight of such great glory was

excessive. The effects of the vision were great; it made me long

to endure still greater trials: and I had a vehement desire to

serve our Lady, because of her great merits.

38. Once, in one of the colleges of the Society of Jesus, when

the brothers of the house were communicating, I saw an

exceedingly rich canopy above their heads. I saw this twice; but

I never saw it when others were receiving Communion.

1. Ch. xxxiii. § 10. F. Gaspar de Salazar.

2. 3 Kings xix. 12: “Sibilus auræ tenuis.”

3. See St. John of the Cross, Ascent of Mount Carmel,

bk. iii. ch. i, p. 210).

4. Ch. xxxiv. § 1.

5. St. John iii. 34: “Non enim ad mensuram dat Deus spiritum.”

6. See ch. xxxiii. § 15.

7. St. Matt. xx. 9-14: “Volo autem et huic novissimo dare sicut

et tibi.”

8. Ch. xiv. § 12.

9. The Saint had this vision when she was in the house of Doña

Luisa de la Cerda in Toledo, and it was fulfilled in the

opposition she met with in the foundation of St. Joseph of Avila.

See ch. xxxvi. § 18.

10. 2 Paralip. xx. 12: “Hoc solum habemus residui, ut oculos

nostros dirigamus ad Te.”

11. Ch. xx. § 4.

12. Ch. xxix. § 16.

13. Ch. xxix. § 13.

14. § 28.

15. See ch. xxviii. §§ 19, 20.

16. Commonly called the Creed of St. Athanasius.

Chapter XL.

Visions, Revelations, and Locutions.

1. One day, in prayer, the sweetness of which was so great that,

knowing how unworthy I was of so great a blessing, I began to

think how much I had deserved to be in that place which I had

seen prepared for me in hell,—for, as I said before, [1] I never

forget the way I saw myself there,—as I was thinking of this, my

soul began to be more and more on fire, and I was carried away in

spirit in a way I cannot describe. It seemed to me as if I had

been absorbed in, and filled with, that grandeur of God which, on

another occasion, I had felt. [2] In that majesty it was given

me to understand one truth, which is the fulness of all truth,

but I cannot tell how, for I saw nothing. It was said to me, I

saw not by whom, but I knew well enough it was the Truth Itself:

“This I am doing to thee is not a slight matter; it is one of

those things for which thou owest Me much; for all the evil in

the world comes from ignorance of the truths of the holy writings

in their clear simplicity, of which not one iota shall pass

away.” [3] I thought that I had always believed this, and that

all the faithful also believed it. Then he said,: “Ah, My

daughter, they are few who love Me in truth; for if men loved Me,

I should not hide My secrets from them. Knowest thou what it is

to love Me in truth? It is to admit everything to be a lie which

is not pleasing unto Me. Now thou dost not understand it, but

thou shalt understand it clearly hereafter, in the profit it will

be to thy soul.”

2. Our Lord be praised, so I found it; for after this vision I

look upon everything which does not tend to the service of God as

vanity and lies. I cannot tell how much I am convinced of this,

nor how sorry I am for those whom I see living in darkness, not

knowing the truth. I derived other great blessings also from

this, some of which I will here speak of, others I cannot

describe.

3. Our Lord at the same time uttered a special word of most

exceeding graciousness. I know not how it was done, for I saw

nothing; but I was filled, in a way which also I cannot describe,

with exceeding strength and earnestness of purpose to observe

with all my might everything contained in the divine writings.

I thought that I could rise above every possible hindrance put in

my way.

4. Of this divine truth, which was put before me I know not how,

there remains imprinted within me a truth—I cannot give it a

name—which fills me with a new reverence for God; it gives me a

notion of His Majesty and power in a way which I cannot explain.

I can understand that it is something very high. I had a very

great desire never to speak of anything but of those deep truths

which far surpass all that is spoken of here in the world,—and

so the living in it began to be painful to me.

5. The vision left me in great tenderness, joy, and humility.

It seemed to me, though I knew not how, that our Lord now gave me

great things; and I had no suspicion whatever of any illusion.

I saw nothing; but I understood how great a blessing it is to

make no account of anything which does not lead us nearer unto

God. I also understood what it is for a soul to be walking in

the truth, in the presence of the Truth itself. What I

understood is this: that our Lord gave me to understand that He

is Himself the very Truth.

6. All this I am speaking of I learnt at times by means of words

uttered; at other times I learnt some things without the help of

words, and that more clearly than those other things which were

told me in words. I understood exceedingly deep truths

concerning the Truth, more than I could have done through the

teaching of many learned men. It seems to me that learned men

never could have thus impressed upon