The Teddy Bear by Robert Malthus (great book club books txt) 📕

Kraft and I slid into seats opposite each other at the main campus cafeteria. His tray was loaded up with three platefuls; mine with a sandwich and a cup of yogurt. As he was about to take his first bite, he looked at me across the table,
«What’s up, Hauser? Getting any lately?»
«Well, you know, Joe, I told you about Kristen, right?»
«Yeah, so how’s that going? Pretty steamy, right?»
«No, nothing like that … she likes me but …»
«She’s not banging you yet?»
«No, Joe, it’s more like this - I have a thing for her but it’s not mutual. I think I’m in love with her,» I said as Joe’s eyes grew wider, «actually, she likes this guy named Bruce who plays in a band,»
«Wait, you are in LOVE with her?» he said putting down his fork, a wide smirk coming over his face.
«What’s so funny?»
«Oh my god, you sorry fuck, so tell me about this Bruce,» he said and then before I could answer, «WAIT! Don’t tell me. Let me describe him.»
«How? You don’t even know him or do you?» I said.
«No, but Kristen is a woman and I know a thing or two about women.» Joe actually did know a lot about women. He was about twenty eight, seven years older than me. He had been in the Army or something and he had a lot of experience. Well, at least he had a lot of stories. «Now, sonny boy,» he continued, «lean back, relax, and prepare to learn,» he said as he eased into a more comfortable position, «this Bruce whatever, he plays in a band, you said. OK, he’s tall and skinny,» he continued closing his eyes as if he were conjuring an image in his mind. «He has long, shaggy, greasy hair, always wears a leather jacket, rides a motorcycle, and, oh yeah, always with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. He doesn’t give a shit about anyone, sucks off his friends and everyone else that will let him, he drinks about twelve beers and does a few ludes, gets fucked up, pukes his guts out et cetera et cetera.» He stopped to catch his breath.
«Hmm», I said, «that’s about right from what I know.»
«And,» he continued, «he treats her like crap,» he paused for a moment to accentuate his last sentence, «Am I right?»
A look of wonder had gradually come over my face while he spoke. «Yeah, wow, that’s right, how did you know all that?»
«Ah, my friend,» he chuckled, «you have much to learn.» He paused to eat for a bit and take a few swigs from his pint milk carton.
«Hauser, you know about the birds and the bees, right?»
«Yeah, I hope so,» I laughed.
«That’s lesson number one. Now let’s move on to lesson two, the Bad Boy Syndrome. Every woman loves the bad boy. ALL women want the bad boy. You, my friend, are a good boy, unfortunately, and … I can see by your look that you don’t really believe me,» he said to my puzzled and dejected expression, «but look at the bright side, Hauser. She’s not the only babe. Fuckin’ A, go for that roommate of hers.»
«Which one?» I asked.
«The one with the amazing body,» he said gliding his hands through the air to outline a voluptuous female form.
«Oh yeah, Jenny, she’s slept with three of the six guys in my suite.» I said, «Don’t think so.»
«Fuckin’ A, Hauser, she puts out! That’s great! Go for it!»
«Joe, I told you, I love Kristen – I can’t get the girl out of my mind.»
Kraft just let out a grunt and looked away shaking his head. «OK, look, Hauser, you’re just making yourself miserable over this girl who’s worshipping this sleazeball. What the hell! Jenny is mucho gusto hot! Explode all over her, man!»
«Yeah, yeah,» I started, grinning, «I get your point. But, Joe, it makes no sense. Kristen’s got to see what a loser he is, how he yanks her around, seeing her only when he wants to, ignoring her, going after other girls right in front of her, he’s …» I paused.
«A bum,» Kraft said, completing my thought.
«Right! It makes no freakin' sense!» I shouted suddenly realizing that other kids in the cafeteria were looking over.
Kraft just smiled, sighed, and began, «OK, he’s a fuckup, right?»
«Right»
«So he’s needy, right. I mean he’s a mess, his life is a mess, he doesn’t think a day ahead, right, he just lets it happen.»
«OK»
«And what is it about women that makes them women? I mean emotionally?» Kraft asked.
«They are nicer, more caring … what?»
«Bingo! They are made to take care of other people, specifically helpless little people, but also anyone who’s just helpless, any little kitten, or puppy, or fuckup like Bruce. He stimulates her mommy brain,» Kraft continued sounding like the pre-med student he was,  «then there’s the excitement, the adrenalin, the uncertainty every day, the impulsiveness, … look, imagine them together. They fight, she cries, he yells, she’s scared, upset, her heart is racing, the adrenalin is pumping, you know what that does, right?»
«Not really, what?»
«Bonding, emotional bonding, deep down here,» he pointed to the base of his head, «not up here,» he said pointing to his forehead, «the fear causes the need for protection, for comfort, and who comforts her? He does. Yeah, sure, the pain and the fear and the comfort and the protection all come from the same person. That’s the rational brain talking. But the deep down brain doesn’t work like that. That’s where the effect takes place.»
«Wow,» I said in amazement, «how do you know all this stuff?»
«Not sure, just experience, I guess, but don’t worry, you’ll get there someday,» he said with a reflective look on his face.
«OK,» I said taking a deep breath, feeling better because Kraft seemed to know it all, including, hopefully, how I could get with Kristen. «So what should I do?»
«Ahh,» he sighed, «there really isn’t an easy way …»
«I don’t care if it’s hard,» I said insistently, «just tell me Kraft, what do I do?»
«First, sure you don’t want to do it with Jenny?»
«Yeah, I’m sure.»
«OK, then will you help me get with her?» he asked.
«Sure, don’t know if I can help much but sure, no problem,» I answered.
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We were walking towards Hillman around 9PM which happened to take us past the main entrance to Rainbow Babies and Children's Hospital. At the patient drop-off people were milling around, getting in and out of cars, the exhaust making plumes in the frigid air. A few smokers stood shivering under the fluorescent lights. We had passed by the flood of light around the entrance and were looking into darkness again. Ahead of us was a woman walking in the same direction. She seemed to be lurching as she moved and I wondered if she was drunk. As we came upon her we saw that she was sobbing. Each time she convulsed she clutched a teddy bear to her chest.
«Is everything all right,» I asked realizing how stupid the question was, «can we help you somehow?»
No answer, not even an acknowledgement.
«Lady, what's wrong? Can we help you? Take you somewhere? Call someone for you?» I tried again.
Joe tried in his most soothing voice, «Miss, we can see you're upset. Do you need the police?»
Still no response. For minutes we tried to get her to talk but she just grabbed the teddy tighter and sobbed uncontrollably. Joe looked confused. I felt more confused.
We walked along, the three of us, in the cold and dark. We passed Hillman.
A minute later, Joe said, «Hauser, there's nothing we can do, let's go.» He stopped on the sidewalk.
I paused, then, «Go ahead, Joe, I'm going to walk a little further with her. I'll see you at the party.»
«OK,» he said as he began to turn back.
I walked another hundred feet beside her, anxiety rising inside me. Finally, I yelled, «Lady, please! Let me help you.»
She turned towards me without looking at me and said in an anguished voice, «I'll be OK, go with your friend,» and immediately broke into sobs again.
I stopped cold, stunned. «What the hell should I do,» I thought, my head pounding. I was feeling panicky.
A minute passed. I looked back towards Joe – he was out of sight. The woman was receding into the darkness ahead. I began walking towards her and then stopped again trying to think. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself ...
I looked ahead - couldn't see her now. I began to run looking right and left in the darkness. Then I noticed the square of light far down the street, a bus shelter against the darkness. As I neared it I saw her sitting on a bench still crying jaggedly.
I crashed onto the bench opposite her, my lungs searing. The flourescent lights buzzed along with her sobbing and my panting. About ten blocks off the bright green of a city bus was approaching.
As the bus slowed she stood trying to compose herself. She glanced at my feet as she climbed aboard. The pneumatic folding doors shut and it rolled away.
I was left sitting there in the shelter, my head throbbing, waves of nausea in my gut. I thought about the long walk home. There was no way I could go to a party feeling like this. As I stood wearily, I saw the teddy abandoned in a corner. I grabbed it and headed out. But as I walked I began feeling better. The thought of a few beers cheered me. Might be relaxing, I thought. I changed coures and headed for Hillman.
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The noise and the lights hit me as I walked into Hillman. Kraft was standing to one side of the dance floor gazing at Jenny as she moved to the music. Kristen was standing in a knot of people radiant as usual. She was obviously the most beautiful woman in the place or was it just me who thought she stood out like Dorothy among the Munchkins? I tried to put on my cool face as I walked towards her but then realized I was till holding the teddy.
«Hello, Evan!» she said with a huge smile that made me feel like melting. She glanced towards the teddy.
«It's a long story,» I began, «Joe and I were walking over here and ...»
«Oh, I know, I heard him telling Jenny all about it. You are the sweetest guy as always, Evan.»
«Thanks,» I said.
«Ummm, Evan ... I was wondering ...,»
«What?» I said.
«Well, you're friends with Joe, right?» she said glancing towards him, her eyes twinkling.
A knot rose in my stomach and I looked around for the nearest exit just in case I had to puke.
«So, I was wondering if you could ...»
I felt the softness of the teddy bear's fur as I squeezed it in my hand. I closed my eyes and watched the random lights pulsating in my head. The shrieking singing and thumping loudness were jangling my mind. I needed the cold, quiet air again so I made my way towards the door. Once outside the building I leaned against