The Goodbye by Ale (books to read in a lifetime txt) 📕

I stood watching the train leave and with it the love of my life. I felt as live as statue could be. My feet planted in the hard-wood floor for a long time, eyes watching, even when the train was no longer visible. I couldn't move, I felt frozen, empty and with no will to live. My breathing was uneven; the smell of smoke filled my lungs. The tears were dry; my sorrow was so deep no even tears could show it. Long and straight auburn hair was dancing with the wind. People were passing by me in a hurry, escaping from the cold. Everything was a blur for me, not even the cold could bring me out of my reverie.
I wish I could still feel his lips on mine, the way they move in sync with each other. How I thought we fit perfectly into one another when he held me against him, is beyond me. I was naïve to think someone like him could love me. I gave him my whole heart, and he took it, broke it into a million pieces and threw it to the floor, and not content with that he stomped on it before walking away. That's how I felt right now, used and dirty.
"I never loved you" Were the words echoing in my brain. It repeated and repeated until I wanted to shout and pull my hair. Those were his last words before climbing into the train, leaving me dumbfounded and heartbroken.
It felt like hours before I was able to move and start to drag my feet across the pavement called floor. It felt like slow-motion walking away from the icy station. I tugged at my sweater to try and bring me some warm and comfort, but nothing could help me feel better. I wasted three years on my life on someone who just wanted my body. Someone who cheated on me countless of times, without me even suspecting a thing. I was blind, blind with love.
We were engaged for two months now. He was supposed to go today to a "business" meeting for three days. I wanted to say goodbye to him, but he said I better stay home. Without him knowing I went to the train station, only to find him kissing another woman. A woman clearly more beautiful than me, with golden hair and sea-like eyes, instead of my boring auburn hair and chocolate eyes. When I confronted him, he didn't even say he was sorry. I was agonizing; the only thing he said was "I never loved you" before going away with the woman.
I wanted to yell a lot of profanities slap or punch him. But instead I stood there stupidly frozen in shock. I want to hate him for what he did. But when his name appears in my mind, all it comes to me are the beautiful and happy moments we had. We laughing, hugging and kissing. Simple memories, as drinking coffee, but that held deep emotions. All in a tiny but carefully engraved golden music box. The thing that hurts the worst is knowing I never meant a thing to him. It took years of my life to build such a trusting and loving relationship and one second to blow it all away.
Shaking my head I stopped the train of thoughts about him. I was now outside watching the snow fall in small white flakes that tumbled to the ground. Little kids were playing and laughing, families were outside enjoying the icy day, some were walking their dog and I spotted a couple sitting, holding hands while gazing lovingly at each other. Those made my heart ache for him to hold my hand, to be there for me and say everything would be alright. The tears were falling freely, shining with the sun. I guess it's true when they say ignorance is blissful.
Looking at my dark, wide and wooden door I hesitated. I dreaded entering the place that held all the memories of the two of us. I took a deep breath and turned the knob slowly, hearing its creaking noise. As the door opened, the first thing I see is a portrait of us kissing. Fury built inside me and I took two long steps before taking it in my hands and smashing it to the floor. How dare he? How could he do such a heartless action to me? Why me? He made me love him and then left and with him my happiness. I took another picture, in this one I was in a swing and he was swinging me and threw it to the floor also. I grabbed all of the memories and smashed them to the floor or wall. Hearing the screech of them as they broke in a million pieces, just like my heart. When I was done I grabbed a broom and made a pile. I put it all inside a big garbage bag and took it outside to my garden. I turned on the grill and threw the bag to it.
I watched the flames grow higher burning my memories, our memories. My knees gave in and I fell to the floor crying. I cried for hours, until the fire was only flickers. My body stiff from the cold cover of snow. Then I stood up slowly and turned it off before going inside and to my bed. I made a ball of myself and laid there all the night, the smell of his cologne torturing me and my salty tears as company.
I was awoken by the sun rays streaming through my bedroom window. I stretched and then I just laid there thinking while staring at the ceiling. Tears swelled in my eyes but I blinked them away. I was strong, or so I like to call myself. But I guess I was wrong because this isn't proving I'm strong at all.
Hours, minutes or seconds passed, I don't know how much time I just laid there. But a sudden thought shook me awake of my state. "I can move on" And it's true, I might be depressed now but time will at least heal my heart, of course that doesn't mean there won't be a scar. And a very big one.
I stood from my bed and went to the kitchen and then to the garden through the back door. I sat with my back against the tree I grew and looked at the blue, cloudless sky. It was a beautiful day and that made me smile a small smile. Suddenly I looked down and saw a flower that was starting to grow from the ground, snow covering it. I imagined myself as the flower, struggling to break free and then blossoming into the most beautiful flower, inside and out. My smile went wider and my mood was up a little bit. So life changes, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. I can only hope this was a good change and I must remind myself every hello ends with a goodbye.

Publication Date: 12-18-2010

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