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The Thirst

 

I was hungry. For that reason alone I flew fifteen hours straight, touched down and planted my heels firmly on Eastern soil. I had something to prove and only one chance to prove it. Even if that meant digesting instant noodles seven days a week. Then so be it. I was more than willing to make that sacrifice. When you’re truly starving you’d swallow anything, it seemed.

Whatever loomed ahead was sustainable as long as she was present. My heart had a mind of its own. I wasn’t sent to fall in love with her. I was sent to simply change her mind about things. If I was triumphant my dreams, my hard work and life’s blood would finally be realized. How could I not accept this challenge? How could I not know that my hunger for success would be subjugated by my overwhelming thirst for her?

She always had an air about her. That day in the studio, even with my back turned I could sense her arrival. I couldn’t wait to greet her. I couldn’t wait to accept her genuine hug and hear her say, “Where have you been? I’ve missed you?” But instead I was fated to watch her float into another man’s arms. A man that didn’t deserve her. A man that couldn’t possibly understand who and what she was. They were as different as night and day. He didn’t know her. Not like I did.

I met her my sophomore year at Marion Ford Prep. At first glance I knew she was special and different from all the other snobby and pretentious girls that matriculated there. She quietly stood out in a crowd of popular beauties, all of which thought they were too good for the likes of me. And maybe they were. Especially her. She was the offspring of a psychiatrist and a neurosurgeon. She had the three B’s: beauty, brains, and body. And enough class to start her own school if she wanted to.

That’s what I told her after we’d known each other for about a month. She laughed. Actually, it was more of a giggle accompanied by a “that shit was so corny” eye-roll. But she dug it. And I her. I wore my feelings like a badge of honor on the chest of my burgundy polo shirt everyday for the world to see. Only she couldn’t see it. Or she chose to ignore it. But it was there just in case she ever wondered.

To bad her best friend Nycee could sense it.

“Why are you always staring at my girl like that, Sean? You wanna date her don’t you? What’s the matter? You’re scared to ask?”

“Nycee, why don’t you mind your own business and let grown folks handle theirs?”

“Grown!” She laughed. “Negro, please! You ain’t grown. I bet you a c-note that you get turned down if you ask her to Shayla’s party at The Vine Friday night.”

“Nah, you can miss me wit all that. Besides, I’m dee-jaying that party Friday and I ain’t even tryna bring a date.”

“Nope! That ain’t it,” she sang giddily. “Tell the truth, Sean. Either you’re scared to ask or you don’t have the money to bet. So, which is it?”

Shit! That was just like Nycee. She was the resident “Queen B” in the halls of MFP. She called all the shots. And “her girl” was basically her “mini-me” in training, slated to take over after Nycee graduated. In that case I had no other choice but to answer in order to save face. I grabbed my wallet from my back pocket, opened it and retrieved a two crisp fifty dollar bills from the folds. That was basically all I had. Aside from that I had three dollars and sixty-four cents to my name. Those ends were hard to come by. I had to tutor my next door neighbor’s stupid son Rodney for five days to make that money and there I was about to throw it all away just to save face with Nycee.

I presented the bills like a man who was no stranger to cash.

“Money ain’t never a problem, baby,” I lied with confidence.

Nycee smiled slyly. “Humph! I see you, player. But, you might wanna put your money back in your little wallet for now. I think your ones are getting lonely,” she chuckled.

And just like that I was burned, again. I shoved the money back into my wallet embarrassed by my slow-witted attempt to impress a girl like Nycee. She was too bold. Being born rich and beautiful made her that way. She was the shit. I knew it and she knew it. But, I wasn’t moved by her. It was her best friend that I wanted. I wondered what it would take to impress her.

“Honestly, Sean,” Nycee continued laughing, “You would come out better if you’d just admit you are scared.”

“I’m not scared. So why would I admit that?”

“Okay, we’ll see at The Vine Friday night. Don’t forget to bring your wallet,” she giggled before walking away. She took a few steps and then turned back to say: “Seriously Sean, if you like her you should just tell her how you feel.”

That sounded like good advice, so I vowed to myself on the steps of the cafeteria that day that the very next time I saw her I’d make my move.

It had been a very busy week. We took a few classes together, but as luck would have it I didn’t sit next to her in any of them. The bell would ring and she’d be surrounded by guys and girls alike, vying for her attention, wanting to have lunch with her, etc. I never fully realized how popular she was until that moment; how everyone was as drawn to her as I was. She was a flame and we all danced around her bathing in her heat and light. But lately it was getting harder and harder to get next to her. It was frustrating. I’d all but given up. And then that Thursday afternoon…

“Hey Sean! Wait up!” Her cousin, Ryan, called out to me. I turned back to find the two of them walking briskly towards me. I could only imagine the look of glee that must’ve been plastered across my face.

“Hey! What’s up?” I took turns hugging them both. Her a little longer.

“Nothing. What’s up with you? I hear you’re dee-jaying Shayla’s party tomorrow night,” Ryan asked.

“You know it,” I replied unable to take my eyes off her. “You’re coming?”

“Of course! Shayla’s parties are always off the chain. I just hope they don’t have to call 5-0 like last time. You know somebody’s bound to start trippin’.”

“I doubt it. This party’s at The Vine. They ain’t having that,” I supplied. “And what about you “Miss Blasian Next Top Model”?” My eyes washed softly over her from head to toe not missing an inch of her lovely petite frame.

“Me? What about me?” She inquired placing a stick of gum into her mouth. I concentrated fully on her lips as she slipped her tongue out ever so slightly to intercept the treat. I wished she would take me into her mouth like that; any part of me. I wished I could sample her like the piece of gum she was now offering. I took it and savored its sweetness while she patiently awaited my reply.

I cleared my throat once, no twice. I opened my mouth to speak, but my lips went dry. I passed my tongue over them to provide moisture. What moisture? My tongue felt as droughty as an angry desert at high noon. Sweat gathered at my temples and perspiration drenched the palms of my hands. Every source of hydration vacated my mouth and fled my body with haste. She waited. I cleared my parched throat again and tried to smile.

“Are you okay, Sean? Do you need something to drink? Some water?”

I shook my head violently. I wiped the sweat from my brow and gave myself a faint pat on the chest. I cleared my throat once more, chewing and sucking on the gum she’d given me. That action formed just enough saliva to enable me to speak.

“Are you going to the party? There’s something I wanna ask you.”

There, I rejoiced on the inside. After, nearly suffering a stroke, I’d finally choked out my opening line. But, before she could even ponder my question we’d been invaded.

“Can I have some gum?” He barged in, interrupting my beginning, forcing my ending.

“Here,” she instructed tenuously while handing him a piece of gum from the same package. Suddenly mine didn’t taste as sweet anymore.

“Uh-uh!” He shook his head waywardly. “I want yours,” he claimed before attempting to suck her lips off her face in broad daylight. Right in front of me, no less! I was outraged by the fact that she didn’t try to break away. I was even more pissed when he pulled away grinning and smacking on her gum like it was his last meal.

“Come on. Imma take you home. I drove my dad’s Ferrari today,” he bragged.

“Okay,” she sang in agreement. “Ryan, are you coming?”

“Nah, I’m good. You go ahead.”

“You sure? Oh, Sean! Wasn’t there something you wanted to ask me?”

“Oh, yeah! I was just gonna borrow your English notes. But I’ll come get them this weekend or something,” I lied.

“Sure. Anytime. See you later, Sean,” she waved. And then she walked away arm in arm with another dude.

“So, she’s dating Gray Pearson now?” I asked Ryan.

“Yep. They been talking about a week. Nycee hooked them up.”

I’d been tricked.

“Nycee!” I shook my head in disbelief. “She knew it all along!”

“Boy! That’s her best friend. She’s knows everything about her.”

Humph! I thought to myself. Ain’t that a bitch!

Something’s never change I guess. She walked into that studio that day still a sight to behold; even more beautiful than I remembered. She held on to another man as I looked on wondering if I’d ever know what it felt like to be held by her. I still had it bad after all those years. But this time I would not walk away with out a fight. Just because he’s holding her now doesn’t mean she’s lost to me. I was hungry for success. I was thirsty for her. And drowning in the defeat was no longer an option. I had nothing left to lose. I only wished that Nycee was still around, so that I could win my money back.

Imprint

Text: Casandra L. Hardy
Images: Casandra L. Hardy
Editing: Casandra L. Hardy
Publication Date: 05-17-2014

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To the ones that encouraged me...you know who you are.

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