If You Love Me by Lillia Holt (essential books to read TXT) 📕

Coming home after a long day was the greatest paycheck she could ever receive.  She applied acrylic tips and painted designs on nails for a living, but work was work.  Plopping down on her bed face first not only smudged her makeup, but gave Ajax the opportunity to jump up on her back.  The latter was more of a pick-me-up than an annoyance.  Gia rolled over and scooped the bunny in her arms.  The corners of her mouth naturally turned up as she stroked his white fur.  

“Who’s my baby boy?”  Her stress melted away as soon as she began talking to him in that silly tone of voice.  Ajax was the only one who understood her, and the only one who cared enough to listen to her talk.  He was actually just forced to listen but Gia really did enjoy his company.  

“Alright, you hungry?  I’m really feeling instant Ramen right now,” she said, after a gentle kiss on the head.  She put him back down on the floor, and he followed her as she went into the small kitchen in her apartment.  Gia stood up on her toes to grab the cup of noodles from the top shelf; she filled it with water, slapped it in the microwave, and opened the fridge to prepare something for Ajax.  A glance inside, then a glance at the bunny.

“Well, one of us should eat healthy, right?”  He gave her a look that told her he agreed, and also that he had no idea what she just said.  Gia took the single bag of baby carrots from the illuminated shelf and bumped the door closed with her hip.  The baby carrots were poured into Ajax’s dish, and her Ramen noodles were done soon after.  She grabbed their dinners and the two sat down on the couch in front of the TV.  Ajax sat next to her on a pillow, the one he claimed the minute he first arrived, with the bowl of carrots in front of him.  Gia tucked her leg underneath her, stirring the noodles in the broth.  Even though it was a rerun, she was glad she’d only missed the first ten minutes of a That 70’s Show episode.

For a few moments she was self-aware, not even paying attention to the TV.  She realized that this was in fact her life, and she questioned her happiness a bit.  A bite of the warm Ramen, and she shrugged it off.  She had a decent job, a good car, and a place to come home to every night.  What was to be sad about?  Gia was content with her life, and she had what she needed.  That’s what she told herself, anyway.

After an hour or so of cuddling with Ajax and watching cable television, Gia felt her phone vibrate.  It was a text from Damien.  She put the bunny down on the couch and pushed her fingers through her hair.  Damien was sort of an ex; “sort of,” as in the breakup was one-sided and he wanted to stay together.  He was outside of her apartment complex at that very moment, and she knew if she ignored him things would most likely get ugly.  Gia opted for changing out of her trendy work clothes and into a pair of jogger sweatpants and a large sweatshirt.  Once outside, she walked over to him, smiling weakly.

“Hey, Baby,” he greeted, pulling her in for a tight hug.  She didn’t say anything, just crossed her arms as the wind sent a chill through her skin.  The streetlight flickered, intensifying the silence between them.  She kept looking down at her chilled feet inside a pair of flip-flops.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Damien asked, placing his hand lightly on her side.  She forced a smile she hoped was reassuring.

“Sorry, it’s nothing.  Just tired from work is all.”  He leaned in to kiss her, and she could taste the alcohol on his tongue.

“Why don’t you come back to my place and let me take your stress away?”  He held her chin with his thumb and index finger, preventing her from turning her head.  She hesitantly raised her eyes to look at his intoxicated ones, then lowered her eyelashes as she nodded.

“Okay,” she said softly.  He grinned, kissing her again.

“Just… let me run to the convenience store real quick.”  Damien let go.

“Okay, sweetheart.  Don’t keep me waiting too long.”  Gia stepped back, tucked her hair behind her ear, and turned to walk to the nearest convenience store.  Her quick thinking successfully prolonged the time she had before going with him, but she still gave in.  She was too weak.

The chime of the bell above the door snapped her out of her thoughts; she wiped her cheeks with her sleeve and approached the front counter.  Bad habits and diseased memories came crashing back to her like a wave over her shoulders.

“A pack of Marlboros, please.”  The clerk took one from the shelf and tossed it to her.  After paying, she walked to the back where the refrigerators were.  Might as well get some more carrots for Ajax while I’m here.  When she reached in to grab a bag, the last one was further back than she originally thought.  She had to stand on her toes just to get it.  While stepping back from the fridge, she accidentally knocked into someone, causing the items to fall.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, kneeling down to pick it back up.  The person knelt down beside her and handed her the Marlboros.

“Cigarettes and carrots?  A bit counterproductive don’tcha think?”  Gia looked up to see whom the sweet voice belonged to.  It was a cute blonde girl, sporting a messy bun and large framed glasses.  Gia took the pack from her, feeling a smile rise to her lips.

“Says the one holding an energy drink,” she replied.  They stood up, and Gia realized how the girl didn’t look as tall when she was kneeling.  From the look of it, she was a total geek.  Band tee shirt, oversized cardigan, black tights underneath a pair of denim shorts, and a beat-up pair of Vans sneakers.  But that was just the stereotype speaking.

“It’s just caffeine to keep me awake.  Coffee is less convenient to get at this hour,” she said, tapping the can with her fingernail.

“Although, now it’s shaken up and probably going to drench me if I open it.”  She gave Gia a dirty look that was replaced by a crooked smile.  Gia rubbed the back of her neck.

“Ha, sorry about that… again,” she gestured to the door, “I’ve gotta go.  I’ll see you around I guess.”  The girl nodded.

“I’m Stephanie, by the way.  But everybody just calls me Steph.”  

“Gia.”  With a little wave, she paid for the carrots and left.  As she walked back over to Damien, she noticed she was still smiling.

Cold.  Everything was so cold.  The temperature of the room, the mood, Damien himself.  Gia faked an orgasm long ago, but he was just finishing.  After deriving his sexual pleasure, she was pushed off of him and out of the way so he could get up.  With a slam of the bathroom door, she gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around herself.  She dug her toes in the carpet and squeezed her eyes shut to serve as a barrier for any more stinging tears.  Day in and day out, it was the same old shit.  She hated herself.

“Why are you still here?  I have work in a few hours.”  She hadn’t heard Damien come out of the bathroom.  She turned to look at him.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?  Go already!”  Gia weakly stood up from the bed and pulled her sweatshirt on.  She felt disgusting as her underwear from the day before was slid up her thighs.  She felt Damien’s irritation as she was tying the drawstrings of her sweatpants and hurried to gather her things.  He was back in the bathroom by the time she went to leave.  

The walk home was unpleasant as always, and she was hoping she wouldn’t be seen.  “The Walk of Shame” shattered her self-esteem.  She had known exactly how last night would go down even before she met Damien outside.  Lots of alcohol, lots of meaningless sex, and being kicked out the next morning at the crack of dawn.  Although, she wasn’t upset because of that; she was sad because it was all too familiar.

Ajax was sleeping on her bed when she arrived home; seeing him look so peaceful calmed her.  She didn’t want to climb into bed the way she was, so she decided to get ready for the day.  A hot shower to cleanse her impurities, makeup to erase her imperfections, tight clothing to disguise her insecurities.  It was about 6 by the time she was completely made up.  Her first appointment was at 8:15, so she had time to kill.

It wasn’t until Gia changed Ajax’s water and gave him fresh food that he walked up to her.  That didn’t occur to her, as she made a mental note to go grocery shopping sometime this week.  A scratch behind the floppy ears and she was out the door.  The closest coffee shop was just around the corner, but she didn’t feel like doing any more walking that day.  It was strange to see another car in the parking lot of the cafe; though it was a popular place, they’d just opened.

Gia stopped walking for a second, until moments later she realized it was that girl, Stephanie, from the night before who was standing there.  She looked almost like a different person, save for that same pair of glasses.  Her hair was down and curled instead of a in messy bun.  Her high heels looked painful, her purse was obviously expensive, and her pencil skirt dress was classy, yet it accentuated her curvaceous figure.  The very definition of someone who cleaned up nicely.  Steph noticed her standing at the door and looked up and smiled at her.

“Good morning!  I guess I’m not the only one who goes to work this early, huh?”  Her greeting snapped her out of whatever trance she was trapped in and Gia walked over to her.

“Well, I’m usually not even up at this time.  When I come in is pretty much up to my clients.”  She ordered a medium coffee.

“Oh nice!  I’m actually running a bit late, but you know me, I can’t stay awake without my caffeine.”  

“Oh.  Where do you work that you have to go in so early?”

“I’m a psychology professor over at Wayne University, so it’s kind of a far drive ya know?”  She took the paper cup from the barista, adjusted the strap on her purse and took a couple steps backward before totally turning around, “Take care of yourself!”  Gia watched her as she left.  How could a person be so open and friendly?  Especially at 6 in the morning?

On the way home, she couldn’t get her mind off of how different Steph managed to look in a matter of hours.  That took