My Lonely Life.... by Dez May (best large ebook reader .txt) 📕

      I sat in the van, staring absently minded out of the window, not think of anything in particular. I rub my temples irritated at the on coming headache. When did I first start getting these again? Whatever now's not the time to thing about it, I look down at my lap and rubbed Mikey's head. Mikey's my dog, the golden retriever that I've had sense I was 13, it was the first and only moving present that I really love more then anything.

          Let's see I'm 16 now, so that makes him 3 and 4 months. He looks up at me sadly I know he hates moving just as much as I do, I sigh as I look back out at the beautiful thriving green forest that we're driving past. I put my head phones in, but I try and keep the volume low enough so I wont get yelled at, but, as always, I do anyway.

          "Billie you better turn that music down so help me god!" My mom yells to the back of the van. I sigh, not really in the mood to argue with her, so I just turn off my music and lean my head against the cool window. We drive for only a few more miles until we stop at a hotel, well a few actually, most of the places that we stopped at first didn't allow Mikey to come into the hotel with us, and that's a huge thing for me.

After we got our room, and everything had settled down my mom decided to go out and look for a McDonalds or Burger King, or something. She asked me what I wanted and I told her anything that she would think that I would like, aka anything. 

          I went to the bathroom intending to take a shower....but as soon as I took my shirt off I couldn't stand the sight of myself. Ok so the reason of this is that I cut, well I used to so far it's been about 5 or 6 months, but the sight on the scars on my stomach and hips is enough to make anyone not be able to look at themselves. I walk out of the bathroom, wanting to avoid the on coming flashbacks of all of the reasons I wanted to cut. Then the tears started flowing, and I didn't want to stop them I just wanted to let go of everything, and this is a way better way for releasing my feelings then through cutting...right?

          Moving to the bed while pulling off my shirt and pants while not being able to see clearly was actually kinda hard but I managed, somewhat. I fumbled through my bag for a tank and loose shorts, after I got those on it was nice to cuddle with Mikey.

          So a new school, great, I thought to myself thinking of all the new people I have to introduce myself to. I shuddered at the thought, meeting new people again, new teachers that I'd have to tell my secret to. I's have to do anything to make sure that people don't find out like they did last year…. So last year I told a few people that I cut, to see if I could tell them what I wish I could tell everyone, including my mom. Of course that caused them to immediately drop me on the spot. I was utterly broken, and then I got call so many names, the ones that made my top list was "EMO, Freak of Nature, Depressed Bitch" and my number one favorite was "Suicidal Plague Starter" I'm not sure why but I just feel like it's the one that was the most thought up and original. I wanted to tell them that I could some how sense when people were lying to me, and that I could hear heart beats from over a few miles a way. I wanted to tell them that I could smell everyone's perfume and cologne in the morning, and after gym class every day and that's why I always have headaches. Unfortunately they failed the test, that I convinced myself I should put them through.

          I jumped scaring Mikey when I heard a laugh, then realized it was my new ringtone. I sighed as I grabbed it, expecting it was my mom, but was over joyed when I saw that it was my best friend, well my only friend that I tell everything to. "U tired/sleep yet?" she sent.

          "Nah, y?" I responded

          "Bc u won't believe what happened at school today!"

          "Must be important. U never gossip."

          "Ha, funny"

          "Lol, what happened?" I asked, not really caring or curious but because I knew she really wanted to tell me.

          "So, Ashton asked me out…."

          "WAIT! Forever crush Ash or the ugly band member from what's it called?!?!"

          "#1 my unreal 5sos bf is not ugly!!! #2 forever crush Ash!!!"

          "Lol, u know I love 5sos too, and that's awesome, good for you!"

          "UGH!"

          "??? What's wrong? What happened?" I asked completely confused.

          "Mom. She says I have to go, ttyt?"

          "Fs, baiii." I yawned, turning my phone back on to check the time 11:45, where is mom? I send her a quick text then plug my phone in and lay back down with Mikey. I tried to fight sleep knowing that I'm going to fall victim soon, but attempting to fight it as long as I can, defiantly not wanting the nightmares that could fallow.

       I have no idea when I feel asleep last night, I'll I know for sure is that it was sometime before my mom came back with food. As always I was the first one awake, so I decided to take Mikey out for a walk, and not wanting any interruptions I left my phone at home where I knew my mom would find it and left. Unlike every teenager ever I am an early bird, which comes in handy when you have a dog. Anyway there isn't really much of any place to walk around to so I just walk to the gas station that's at the corner for at least a few drinks or something for mom and I, and a few bottles of water for my baby (Mikey). 

          When I get back to the hotel my mom is sitting at the table, drinking some coffee that I made before I left, and is staring at my phone like it's going to do some tricks. " What, are you hoping it's gonna do a flip or something?" I ask

          "No smart ass, if I give you a phone I'd like you to use it and keep it on you if you go out. What is with you teenagers?"

          "Why don't you ask yourself? You used to be one."

          "Ha ha, very funny. Go and get in the shower before we leave, I don't want you stinking up the car."

         "Funny, I could say the something to you mom." I reply irratatedly, not wanting to talk to her anymore, and also not wanting to get into the shower. I face away from the mirror and strip. I don't take long in the shower though, because or my short hair it only takes me about seven minutes.

When I come out rapped in my towel my mom hands me a freshly clean pare of clothes comfy for me to change into for the last 7 hours of the drive. "Thank you."

          "No problem, sweetie," she replies right before she shuts the bathroom door. I yawn as I pull on my favorite 5sos/ATL/FOB (5 Seconds Of Summer/All TIme Low/Fall Out Boy) comfy clothes, then lay back down on my bed rubbing my forehead as I here the motel cleaning lady start doing her rounds for the day, I gag at the smell of her perfume extremely disgusted. I quickly rush over to my bag and grab the only thing that helps me when I get a headache caused by smells, my lemon scented candle. I light it and set in on the table next to my bed, glad that my headache is fading. I here my mom turn off the water so I get back up and slide my flip flops on and finish packing up all of Mikey and I's things. Right before I can make a trip out side with all of Mikey's stuff, my mom comes out of the bathroom  in all of her naked "glory", stopping me from opening the door.

          I sigh putting everything down by the door and getting on my phone hopping my mom will take the hint and will quickly get dressed and won't talk to me. But she doesn't do either. "You know you don't have to do anything by your self, right? I will happily help you out, sweetheart."

          "Yea I know mom, I'd just rather do it my self."

          "Why?"

          "Why do you care?" I responded irritated, I know I'm being mean for no reason, but she just always gets on my nerves and bushes my buttons in all the wrong ways.

          "Young lady! Watch your mouth!" she yells clearly not wanting to deal with me. I barely catch her mumbling to her self "You wouldn't be speaking to me if you knew who I really was."

          "What did you say mom, if I can't mumble then neither can you!" Though I did hear her, I wouldn't let her know that, if she really wasn't my mom then I wouldn't be surprised we look way to different. I have pitch black, thick hair, I'm tall, and my eyes are a scary bright green. She has brown, thin hair, she'd short, and her eyes are a creamy mix of chocolate and caramel colors.

           "Really Billie, stop before you regret it." She replied, making it evident that she was keeping herself on a short leash with her forced nice tone, but I stopped angry, but not wanting to make the situation far worse then it needs to be. She had walked over to the bath room so I quickly made my way to the door, grabbed all of Mikey's things and left, before she could stop me. I rolled down the windows and got him settled in the car then walked back to the room and was happy that I saw mom talking with the check-in desk man, probably paying, so she didn't see me. I quickly grabbed my small over night bag went back into the bathroom to grab my brush then I walked out.

          I didn't realize the smell was so strong till I almost crashed into the lady wearing the perfume, the cleaning lady I realized. Though she gave me a dirty look she asked me if I was alright.

"Yea, I'm find. Uh…it's just a headache." I told her rubbing my temples achingly, not wanting to smell