Lost to You by - (book club books .TXT) 📕

“It doesn’t have to be that way, Christian. What about what you want? Is this really it? Killing yourself to be the absolute best in everything you do?”

Lines creased between his eyes, his mouth twisting up in set determination. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Elizabeth. Nothing is going to stand in my way.”

I closed my eyes to block myself from the hardened expression on his face.

He forced a large breath of air from his lungs. “I don’t feel like dealing with this shit tonight. You want to get out of here?”

I looked up to find Christian maneuvering around to stand. It was almost ten, an hour or so earlier than when I usually left his place. Christian would always walk me home, then go and do whatever he did after he left me at my door.

Frowning, I attempted to decipher his intent, because it’d sounded like an invitation. “Where do you want to go?”

“There’s a party at my friend Sam’s. I have to stop by. His birthday was yesterday, and we’re celebrating it tonight.”

Oh, no way, no thank you.

I sat up and began gathering my things.

“I’ll just go home so you can head over,” I said with feigned indifference. This was my safe place, the place where it was just Christian and me. I didn’t venture into his other world, the one that lit up his phone every weekend. “I’m pretty tired, anyway.”

Christian reached out as if he wanted to touch me and then thought better of it.

“I’d . . . would you just come?” The hard lines were gone, sincere blue eyes in their place. “I don’t feel like going over there by myself tonight.”

Dropping my chin, I bit at my lip as he waited for an answer. Truly, I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to stray from the comfort zone we’d erected around us, but I didn’t know how to resist him when he looked at me like that.

I glanced down at my old T-shirt and faded jeans. “I’m not really dressed to go out.”

“We’ll stop by your place on the way so you can change and leave your stuff there.” He grinned. “And it’s not like you could ever look bad, Elizabeth.”

I rolled my eyes at him, hating the little flutter that palpitated my heart whenever he said things like that. We both knew flattery was really unnecessary since it was obvious he had already talked me into it.

“Fine.”

I gathered my stuff, slipped into my jacket, and hefted my backpack onto my shoulders. I followed Christian out and down his hall.

He pulled open the stairwell door and extended his arm to hold it open, though he remained in front of me, as if he might need to catch me if I were to trip and fall.

The stairwell always seemed much too tight, the walls like a barrier that held in all the energy that radiated between us.

Outside the air was crisp, the night alive. I breathed it in, hoping to quell my racing nerves.

I could do this.

Christian was my friend, and it wasn’t fair for me to avoid every other aspect of his life that didn’t involve me. I’d made it clear before that I wanted to know him, really know him, and how could I if the only time I spent with him was behind his apartment door?

His hands were shoved in his pockets, his stride strong but slowed to sync with mine as he walked alongside me.

“So . . .” He breathed out, puffing out his cheeks as he did. “Turns out my parents are coming here for Thanksgiving after all.”

“Really? Is that what your dad called about?” I lifted a brow. Originally, his parents were supposed to be out of the country for the holiday. “You sound thrilled about it.”

Sarcasm arched my brow.

An incredulous sound slipped from his mouth. “A perfect night in Hell . . . Thanksgiving dinner at some stuffy restaurant with my dad harassing me the entire time. Can’t wait.”

We walked a couple steps in silence before Christian fixed his gaze on me. “Why don’t you come with me?”

Laughter bubbled up at the absurdity, but I held it in when I realized he remained silent, waiting.

Oh.

He was serious.

I frowned.

This sounded like a really bad idea. I couldn’t stand his parents, and I hadn’t even met them yet. “Don’t you think that’s a little bit weird? I mean, won’t they get the wrong idea or something?”

“Maybe.” A small shrug of his shoulders discounted it. “But I don’t really care. Let them think whatever the hell they want. I just don’t want to go by myself, and I don’t want you sitting at home by yourself on Thanksgiving, either. At least if you’re there, my dad will lay off me a little. He wouldn’t want to look like the asshole he is in front of someone he doesn’t know.”

“So what you’re saying is you want me to protect you from your parents?” I teased.

“Exactly.” He knocked into me, jostling my body slightly to the side, the weight gone from his face as he laughed. “No, Elizabeth, you’re my best friend. Who else would I want to spend Thanksgiving with?”

His words struck me, and I warmed from head to toe. That was really all I needed. I slowed to the point of barely walking, and I turned completely to face Christian at my side. “You’re my best friend, too, Christian. You know that, right?”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. The expression on his face said it all.

He was all sweet and adoring, that soft look that always warned how easily we could slip.

Fall.

I drew in a deep breath and turned ahead.

“So? You’re coming?” he prodded as I stepped in front of him to open my building door.

“Of course, I’ll come.”

He followed me inside and up the stairs. “Guess I managed to talk you into two things you didn’t want to do tonight.”

He was so close behind me, his breath rustled through my hair.

“Um, yeah . . . I guess you did.”

“Must be my lucky night.”

I glanced over my shoulder at the smirk I already knew would be waiting there. The lightness in his tone warned me he’d made the flip to that cocky boy I’d met the first time in the café. I figured I’d be dealing with him all night since we were heading over to his friends’, although I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect.

I played along, smirked back. “Yeah, I’m sure it will be. Let’s see what little tramp you end up ditching me for tonight. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?”

Laughter rang out and ricocheted on the brick walls, a thunder that pounded in my chest.

He reached out and tugged on a strand of my hair. “Blondes, Elizabeth. Blondes. And did you just say tramp?”

“Yep, sure did.”

“Oh, you’re going to make all kinds of new friends tonight.”

Fifteen minutes later, we were walking side-by-side toward Sam’s apartment, a guy I’d never met, but was legendary in the stories Christian told.

Knowing them only managed to make me more nervous than before. I’d changed into my best jeans, a cute, wide-necked sweatshirt, and boots, hoping not to embarrass Christian since he was dragging me along.

I was never one for parties. Maybe because to me it symbolized what I’d given up to make it here.

If I were being honest? It just wasn’t my scene. The few I’d been to had been uncomfortable. The predatory feel in the air. Guys assessing whether a girl was as easy as she looked, and girls competing to win that attention.

No thanks.

I glanced back down at what I’d changed into, pretty sure I was going to be completely out of place. With longing, I glanced behind me. Maybe I could come up with an excuse, turn around, and go home so I could crawl in my little bed and hide.

“I’m really glad you decided to come with me.”

I jerked my head back to Christian. He flashed me an all-knowing grin, as if he knew exactly what I’d been thinking.

“Yeah, me, too,” I blatantly lied.

Christian chuckled, lifted his face to the night sky with a satisfied breath pushed out into the air. He appeared so relaxed, so casual as he ambled along.

I followed as if there was nowhere else for me to go.

We turned right at the intersection, and Christian grabbed my hand. I sucked in a sharp breath and tried to hide the way the simple gesture made me feel.

His hand was warm, perfect, felt too right.

He tugged me to his side. “This is it.”

My eyes traveled the height of the building. It was much nicer than mine, but not nearly as nice as Christian’s.

Ten stories of lit windows lined the building. Energy radiated from its walls. Nerves hit me again as Christian swung the door open, and they eased just as quickly when he squeezed my hand.

What was he doing to me tonight?

He had my emotions all over the place. I’d come