Lost to You by - (book club books .TXT) 📕

I tried to ignore the way I felt when Elizabeth left my side to find the restroom, but it was impossible. I downed the rest of my beer, hoping it’d cover the sudden void inside that told me I was missing something.

“Dude, you wouldn’t believe how fucking funny it was. You should have been there.”

Kenny leaned in close to my ear so I could hear him tell the story about a girl he’d seen crash into three different cars in a parking lot when he’d ventured into New Jersey the weekend before. “She had to be the dumbest bitch I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I struggled to pay attention. To smile and laugh along.

But my only focus was this strange sensation.

How my hand burned from the first true contact I’d ever had with Elizabeth.

I’d taken her hand to give her reassurance because she was all jerky with nervous energy, as if we were getting ready to enter the place where her worst nightmares were bred.

It was just to give her a little comfort. A simple gesture to remind her I was there.

Then it turned out, I was the one who couldn’t let go. I was only holding her hand, for fuck’s sake, and now it was all I could think about.

I felt singed from the inside out, or maybe the outside in, I couldn’t really tell.

It was all encompassing.

I was beginning to think the resolution I’d made months before was a mistake, because I was hard just from holding a girl’s hand.

I really needed to get laid.

Truth was, Elizabeth was slowly driving me insane.

Physically.

Emotionally.

Completely.

The urge to reach out and touch her again was killing me. To run my fingers across her face and over her lips. To push it further.

To push her further.

To end this madness that had me spun up, teetering at the cusp, so close to spinning me out of control.

Everything had been great for the last couple of months.

Perfect, really.

We spent so much time together, I’d almost become accustomed to the physical ache she left burning inside me. The hardest part was pretending that it didn’t build, that each time I opened the door to find Elizabeth’s face smiling up at me in my doorway, I didn’t come one step closer to snapping.

That my heart didn’t want to burst at the sight of her and my body didn’t scream for her to run her delicate hands all over me.

So many times, I’d had to stop myself from reaching out.

Touching her.

Taking her.

Living out every single one of the fantasies that played through my mind at night.

In them, I’d had her everywhere, in my bed, the shower, the floor, time and time again on my couch where she sat and unwittingly teased and taunted me night after night.

Tonight was proof of just how close I was coming to the edge.

“They finally got her out of the car, and this girl was standing there, stumbling all over the place in these slutty heels,” Kenny continued on.

Why was I here again? Listening to this? Usually, I liked to be here, to unwind, to listen to trivial stories that meant nothing.

But with Elizabeth here, it felt like a weakness.

A fool’s waste of time.

Glancing back out the entryway, my eyes traveled the crowd.

Elizabeth had only been gone a couple seconds, but I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight.

It was stupid to bring her here, but there was no way I could sit in the confines of my apartment after listening to my father’s bullshit.

I was sick of it.

I’d thought that once I moved out and started college—started my own life—my father would let up and let go. But he was just as overbearing as he’d been since I was a little boy.

A tyrant who expected only the best, something he made quite clear I didn’t ever have a chance of living up to.

Besides for that, I’d already committed to coming here tonight. I didn’t want to the asshole who bailed last minute. But there’d been no chance I could stomach the idea of leaving Elizabeth alone in front of her building tonight.

Somehow when she was around, I felt . . . better.

I needed her.

Tom appeared at my side and clapped me on the shoulder. The guy was trashed, which was no surprise. I smirked at him. “What’s up?”

“So you finally let Elizabeth out to play.” He cocked his head to the side in the direction where Elizabeth had disappeared, suggestion written all over his face. “Now I get why you’ve been hiding from us the last couple of months . . . or where you’ve been hiding. That shit is hot.”

A swell of protectiveness broke over me. My fists curled, but I forced the reaction down. “It’s not like that.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I went for her?”

“Yeah, I’d fucking mind. She’s my best friend. Do you think I’m going to let some asshole like you touch her?”

Tom laughed, not for a second offended.

“Your best friend, huh? Thought that was my title.” His eyes gleamed as he razzed me, a clear insinuation he’d been hinting at for months, one I’d continually denied.

“Quit being a dick.” I shrugged it off. “We’re just friends.”

As I said it, I lifted up on my toes, straining to see over the heads littering the room.

Anxiety knocked at my ribs.

Where the hell was she?

If one of these losers even thought about messing with her, I was going to lose it. I wasn’t typically a violent guy, but I was pretty sure bones would get broken.

I rushed an uneasy hand through my hair, hoping for calm.

Stupid.

Reckless to bring her here.