Lost to You by - (book club books .TXT) 📕

her deeper. Fingers threaded through my hair, and she gently tugged to bring me closer.

A thrill shot through my body.

“Elizabeth,” I murmured at her mouth, pulling away for the smallest second to anchor my fingers in her hair, to look at this girl I still couldn’t understand—one who scared me yet made me so insanely happy all at the same time.

My fingers spread out, and I held her head in both hands.

She lifted her face to me.

Nothing had ever felt like this, this need that coiled and pooled and pulsed.

I needed her. Needed her in a way I’d never needed anything in my life.

I captured her mouth again, and I dropped one hand and smoothed it over her shoulder and down her side.

Chills shot through Elizabeth, and she shook as I snaked my hand just under the hem of her sweatshirt. My thumb teased across the bare flesh at her hip, testing how far she wanted this go.

Elizabeth only nipped at my lip and tugged it between her teeth.

I almost lost it. The ache I’d been dealing with for months multiplied and transformed.

“Oh shit, Elizabeth.”

Her bare skin scorched me as I glided my palm up her back. I was met with no barriers, her skin smooth as I explored the soft expanse along the length of her back.

“Christian,” she whispered, clutching me just as tightly as I clutched her.

Her fingers dug in deeper, her body imploring. “Christian, I need you.”

This girl, my best friend. My best friend. And I knew I was a fool, so stupid to push her. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her, but I couldn’t stand the thought of not having her, either.

I didn’t want it to end, so I pushed it further and slid my palm around her slim waist. A tiny shudder escaped Elizabeth, and she flexed her stomach as she sucked in a shocked breath.

But she never let go.

The soft ridges of her flat belly enticed me further. My hand jerked as I inched it up. The hand in her hair tightened, and the force of my kiss bowed her back.

Her weight rested on my forearm as I supported her head, my body nearly hovering over hers.

How many times had I imagined this, what it’d be like to touch her?

I skimmed over her small, round breast, my thumb flicking across her nipple.

Elizabeth whimpered and pushed herself further into my hand, emitted this sound that tickled my ears and spurred me forward.

“Shit . . . Elizabeth,” I mumbled, quick to edge her back. Desperate, I pushed her up against the small counter and ground myself into her. Maybe I’d have thought to Elizabeth it’d be the most obscene gesture. Instead, it evoked the most seductive sound to roll from her tongue.

I pulled away for a breath, and Elizabeth searched for air as she lifted her face toward the ceiling. She held onto my shoulders, her chest heaving and her heart thundering.

“Christian . . . I don’t . . . please.” It was all throaty and warm, discordant, her thoughts as jumbled as mine.

I buried my face in her neck, kissed her down to her collar bone, then up to the hollow behind her ear. Her skin was so sweet and her pants were so thin, and I was consumed by this feeling, too much confusion and disorder and need.

Fuck.

I wanted her, and I felt like I was going crazy because there was no possible way I could get enough of Elizabeth.

A haze surrounded us, desire and lust.

Would she let me? My mouth was at her ear as I bit at her skin, whispered, “Please, Elizabeth, I want to fuck you so bad . . . do you have any idea how badly I want you? Let me inside this sweet body.”

My hands traveled to her hips, and my fingertips burrowed into her flesh as I shamelessly pressed myself into her again so she’d make no mistake of what she did to me.

She had to know she was the only one who’d ever done this to me, this void she’d created that somehow only she could fill.

Beneath me, Elizabeth froze. Every muscle in her body stiffened before her hands slid from my shoulders to my chest.

She shoved me off her.

Hard.

I was caught off guard, and I floundered back.

Her expression doused me in cold. Extinguished the fire.

Lines of hurt and disgust twisted her face. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and she blinked for the longest moment, before stunned eyes turned up to stare at me.

Shit.

Had that really just come out of my mouth?

My heart pounded too fast, and I tried to catch my breath, to calm my screaming body. I tugged a frustrated hand through my hair. A storm of emotions tore through my consciousness.

“Do you know nothing about me, Christian?” I could see her struggling to hold it in, but more tears fell. “Do you really think that’s what I want? To be fucked?”

Just like I knew I would, I hurt her, without even knowing it.

“Is that what this was?” she wheezed, wrapping her arms around her stomach. She took a pained step back. “You came here to fuck me?”

“Elizabeth . . .” I lifted my hand, wishing to reach out and touch her, knowing I couldn’t. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” It was an accusation.

I searched for an explanation, how to describe what I felt. I couldn’t find the words because I didn’t know myself.

A wounded cry worked its way free from Elizabeth, and she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face down and to the side, hugging herself tighter.

My chest constricted with the need to comfort her, to take her in my arms and just hug her, and tell her we’d work it out, but touching her was what had caused all of this to begin with.

“Elizabeth . . . I—” I didn’t know exactly what to say. Wasn’t it obvious?

I was dying to have her.

Didn’t she get that?

I always had wanted her. But it had grown into something else.

But when she looked back up, I understood it all.

The world dropped from beneath me, and I stumbled back the last few steps until my back was plastered against her door.

My best friend.

Elizabeth’s chin quivered, and one side of her mouth was drawn in as if she were chewing on the inside of her lip. But her eyes . . . it was there.

What had I done?

I met her gaze, searching for a mistake, for some way to take it all back to the place where it was just me and Elizabeth. Where we were friends and we laughed and we dealt with all the rest of this shit on the inside.

But I’d crossed the line, and Elizabeth could no longer hold it back.

“Christian,” she pled, chancing a tortured step forward. “Tell me what that was.”

I shook my head and swallowed, wishing for an easy escape. I had no idea how to handle this.

Because Elizabeth wanted a promise, and I couldn’t give her that. “I don’t know . . . I’m sorry, Elizabeth, but I don’t know.”

She slowly shook her head. “I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”

“Don’t let this mess up our friendship . . . I can’t lose that, Elizabeth.”

Disbelief drew her brows together, wove with the sadness in her eyes.

“You don’t want to mess up our friendship?” She shook her head. “Just go, Christian.”

“Elizabeth . . .”

“Please. It’s really late.” Deliberating, she twisted her fingers together. “I think I need some time.”

Swallowing, I stepped away from the door so I could pull it open. I hesitated but could find nothing to say that would make this any better. All I could think was how much I hated myself for ruining the one truly good thing I had in my life.

With my back to her, I paused, the murmur from my mouth rough. “I really am sorry, Elizabeth.”

Then I walked out before I did something else I regretted, quietly clicking the door shut behind me.