Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

Alana

          No matter what I did, Andrew continued to wail in my arms. The people on the other side of the aisle passed me pointed looks, as if to say give the baby his nipple. I wondered how I was going to handle eight hours of flight if my son wasn't going to cooperate.

      I hugged Drew closer, "Shh, baby. It's okay. We are going to meet your daddy, aren't you excited to see him?"

    Minnie shifted in her seat, she was reading a book on her iPad. She stashed the gadget away and raised her hands towards me. "May I try?"

    I shrugged and handed her the wailing baby, she hugged him closer, and started speaking baby language, "There, there. Don't you wan to meet daddy, baby brother?" he giggled. "Let me give you a kiss." She kissed him noisily on his cheek.

   I stared at her in disbelief. Some passengers clapped in the background and even cheered. Minnie passed me a look of triumph. The other passengers threw me a hard look.

    Great. I'd almost gotten my hair pulled out from the roots and now I was a bad mommy with nil parenting skills. Even though Drew was already one and a half, I wanted to smack his smug face, but his cute gooey mocha eyes melted me into a puddle, and his cute giggle and the dimples proved that it was a good decision of marrying Rowan. He had given me the cutest baby on this planet.

    Eight hours of a long journey from Carmel to Denmark were passing excruciatingly slow, mostly because I'd waited four long months since I last met Rowan. We did promise to meet every two-three months but this time, we just couldn't. We also promised to see each other on Skype every single day, but then again, things got in the way.

   Rowan and I sometimes quarreled over little things, and one day, he said, 'Alana, it's best we don't talk to each other for a few days. I think you need a break.'

You being the operative word here.

  But I mostly blamed myself for the fighting, between studying, sitting for exams and taking care of Drew, I thought I might lose it. The stress was too much, and Rowan wasn't here to help me out and it made it all worse because at night when we talked on Skype I threw some facts into his face about how he wasn't doing what he was supposed to do which was being a good father and a husband by being here with me and I guess that hurt him a lot more than anything that ever would.

  I didn't mean it that way. I never meant to call him a bad father or a bad husband outright, but I'd been way over my frustration when he saw my term paper and began lecturing me over a video call about the importance of studying. He acted like he was still Mr. Masters, like I was his reckless student.

   Some habits die hard, I guess.

   And then it ticked me off. In the heat of the moment, I said, maybe my grades would have been better if I hadn't been pregnant at twenty before marriage.

    I'd said it like the pregnancy was his fault; like he had spoiled my life, as if Drew wasn't supposed to happen and all of that was not true. I would never take back what happened. But, it was too late to regret the words that had left my mouth. I was guilty and I'd cried myself to sleep, pulling Drew closer and whispering to him that he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

   And it wouldn't hurt to admit, Rowan had been pretty calm about it. I read those eyes though, I knew the storm hidden behind the calmness. He didn't say anything, even after my repeated attempts at apologizing. After that day, he only answered calls to talk to Minnie or Drew.

   So here I was flying to Denmark to make things right and end the cold war. When I reached the institution, I told them not to inform him and that I wanted it to be a surprise. Minnie, Drew and I were standing at his room door, Drew in my arms, my fingers hovering over the door to knock. I was so scared how he would react.

Before I could chicken out, Minnie banged on the door and we waited. The door swung open and he looked at us like he couldn't believe we were standing right there. His eyes shifted from Minnie, towards me and then at Drew. He blew out a breath. "Wow. Guess I've started becoming delusional."

   "Rowan, We are really here." I said.

   As if he couldn't believe my words, he touched my cheek and his eyes softened. He lifted Drew into his arms and kissed him hard on his forehead, hugging Minnie close with his other arm. "It's so good to see you guys."

    "I missed you, Daddy." Minnie said.

    "I missed you, too, baby girl."

    I stepped back. I felt out of place all of a sudden. So, Rowan was going to hold his guns. The thought of calling it a truce went out the window. Of course I should have expected this to happen. Did I expect my husband to forget the ugly words I'd spewed out and hold me close?

   Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

      Just then he noticed me lingering at the doorstep like a lost kitten, he smiled, "Come here, baby."

    My lower lip quickened as I lunged forward into his arms. I felt nostalgic, his familiar scent continued to assault me; it seemed like he was fresh out of the shower. He smelled of soap and aftershave. I buried my face in his shirt front, breathing him in. I asked myself, will I ever get used to this?

    When I'd completely soaked his shirt with my tears, I glanced up. The children were settled on his bed, Minnie using Rowan's laptop. He turned to her, "Minnie, did you check out the recreational room?"

    Minnie shook her head.

    "They have a gaming booth there and even some toys that Drew can play with. Will you give us some time here, sweety?"

   Minnie glanced from me to Rowan. "Does that mean you are going to make out here?"