You Didn’t Care by Santosh Jha (read aloud books txt) 📕

me – not only physically but also emotionally. I always know and accept that being together is not a priority. This joy and utility of togetherness and mutuality anyway has tough competition from so many instant-self-gratification slices of time and spaces. Indulgence sure has the brute force to strip every other thing off utility and righteousness. Still, being true to your consciousness and your inner self always stands as the last and best choice to remain with sense of sanity...

“So, I wish and pray that wherever you are and whatever you do, you must feel happy and satisfied with your deep consciousness. I say this because, I know, I am still with it and this gives me the satisfaction that any change, any eventuality of this ephemeral life has little impact on me, if I am with my deep consciousness, because, this remains a constant companion to me, even if my own consciousness is ever-changing, landing me to different shades of cognitions.

“Surely, when I am all with me, this is the time I realized, I could happily accept separation from you, because, I am happy with myself. Yes, I always was happier when with you as, I know, a man and woman together can create such joys, which even Gods cannot.

“And, this I also wish for you. Always remain connected and happy with you first, and then only a woman or anyone else in your life shall add more to it. I know, you were not happy with me in your life but I know it was because you had things within your consciousness and perspectives, which made you unsettled and unhappy with yourself. I could know and accept it as, after you left me, it made me realize that. I am overall happy and satisfied with myself and my deep consciousness and that is why I am still happy, even when you are not with me, to add more to it.

“This core and constant joy source within must not change... this world is ephemeral and everything else may and must change...

“This last thing I wished to say you because you are a sailor and you can relate this well with your own experiences. There are huge ships in the oceans and they come to the shore not quite often. When they come, there is this small iron anchor, insignificant compared to the size of the ship, which is thrown on the shore. This anchor is so inconsequential compared to the might of the ship that one may think how this small iron piece can hold such a large ship steady and fixed to the shore. The fact is, the anchor does this because this iron piece is grounded with soil, which lends it the required strength to do what it does.

“... being grounded and accepting the larger utility of our deep consciousness being anchored to soil of life does not come natural to us; we train our consciousness to see and accept that. We all see and accept that on Earth, seventy percent is water of the oceans and only thirty percent is soil. Therefore, it is only natural for most people to see and accept the utility that aligning with the majority of oceans is larger worth than being grounded with the minority utility of soil. What we fail to see is; oceans and their vast waters too are held and bounded by soil beneath, which is so deep that we cannot see and accept. Surfing and drifting in the oceans of life is actually just a small part of the soil of life, which holds everything. Grounding and anchoring our deep consciousness with the soil beneath is the primary and ultimate utility...

“I know, men are very much like large ships and they consider their lives as one huge sail. I understand the surfs and the drift beckons men to play with them. I know men relish the challenge of the sail and the thrill of slaving the tides and surfs. Being with you, I realized it more that how crucial it is for a man to see and accept life as one huge enterprise. Naturally, the action and struggle instils in men a great sense of pride of purpose. Women usually never see life and living as an enterprise but a system of sanity and symmetry – an anchored realism. However, what most men do not care to see and accept that life is not an enterprise in the ocean. It is rather at the shore. The soil, the land has the business as well as the customers. You only fish in the sea. Most men do not care to see and accept the utility and fruition of this small iron anchor in the overall perspective about shipping business of life and living.

“You think I am going to say that women are the anchors of men’s life ship? No, I am not. I know most men see and accept women in a way, which their own cultured consciousnesses see and accept. That is why I said, you didn’t care to see and accept things from a woman’s perspective. Anyway, what I am trying to say is – your own deep consciousness is the anchor of your life. It is your constant-connect with the real life at the shore, even when the ship of your cognitions in the life’s sails wander to distant places.

“It took me a long while to understand this simple thing. We perform so many roles in a day. Like, someone is a great cook, an expert in finance, a great teacher of life, a truly beautiful friend, a hugely family person and favourite of all kids, etc. We also lend our personality to different domains. Like, someone sings so well, loves to dance well, knows lot bit about gardening, plays snooker so well, etc. Still, in all our roles and different domains, one needs to remain his true self, remain rooted to ground with his or her deep consciousness anchored well; never ever drifting under the influence of the action-behaviour causality of the role. Life’s different roles and domain are about voyages in the oceans but all voyages need to hit back to the shore, the ground of life to unload the utilities that the voyages fetched. Roles and domains are important. However, anything we do must have a strong stamp of our core personality, our deep consciousness, detached of the karma of different roles and domains, we lend our personalities to.

“This artistry I learnt, rather unlearnt after practising the art for long. I too had my share of drift, when I was quite young. I was never the same person or consciousness, while I multi-tasked myself and drifted to roles and domains. I can clearly remember and now I have no qualms in admitting that while I was donning different roles, I often overlapped it all. I got into the skin of every role I performed. This was like I was assaying different characters in a movie, even while I was in real life. This cognitive conundrum gets worsened when we are in contemporary clutter culture and mad multi-tasking to maximize instant-self-gratification. There was a Me in everything I did but there was not a singular and central me in anyone of them. I was in a perpetual drift of consciousness, faking my being, in all of these, without ever being sure; what of these different me was the real and true me.

“Now I know, this made me fear things. Now I know, I feared them all and often ran away from them because I was not sure who I was. I accepted myself as what people around made me label myself. This labelling of being and consciousnesses, women have to face more in our contemporary societies.

“You too ran away from me but not because I had something so nasty in me that made you fear and run away. This I wish to tell you that most of the times, when we are in the drift of life and living and when we are not rooted to our singular deep consciousness, we are not sure who we are. The roles and domain start defining us and we subconsciously accept the personality and consciousness labels, the roles and domains slap on us. This fills us with insecurity and unknown fear. It is only natural that we think it safe to run away.

“This all has happened with me too and that is why I can understand why you ran away from me. This also makes me accept your decision with poise and equanimity. However, I always loved you and this makes me tell you all this. I know, you didn’t care.... may be still, you don’t care...

“I just wished to say that always have this happy and satisfied connect with the anchor of your life – your deep consciousness as this shall make all your journeys good and meaningful. And remember, even when you are sailing at the sea, this anchor is safely and securely placed on board; never ever done away with....”

.... Often, life’s anchor, which holds us steady and stable in life’s tumultuous sails, is so insignificantly small that their true importance is seldom registered. It is also intangible, not tangible like the iron anchor of the ships. Deep consciousness, which stands throughout our lives as ‘objective observer’ is so intangible and insignificantly vague that we seldom register its utility and fruition. However, it is this anchor, which facilitates awareness about our drifts.

A man in a speeding train can never feel the speed his own body is moving at. The inertia of the train movement blurs the cognition of the speed of the drift. However, when the same man stands anchored at the railway platform, he feels the true speed of the same train whizzing past him.

Our woman has this rooted deep consciousness and she could see the drift of her man. She truly loves him and wishes good for him. Love is like that. The reciprocity in love is magical and nothing compares to this joy in love. However, more meaningful and satisfying is the realization that two persons in love must grow and evolve together in a mutuality mode. Intimacies either journey together or stand at the platform together. Our woman knows, if two people are not evolving together in singular linear dimension, there is no point in hanging on to the intimacy insistence.

Her rootedness makes her see and accept the realism and pragmatism of change. Her grounded consciousness can see and accept the drift of her man. The happy situation in such proposition is to accept the change. She is happy as she happily accepts it. She loves her man and that is why she wishes her ‘ex’ to see and accept this mechanism and procedure of happy acceptance of life’s pragmatism. That is why she wrote to her....

Though, she also knows, all this may not have the utility and fruition as her man never cared for all these... he still doesn’t care...

Mind is not designed for being comfortable with changes, especially fast and sizeable changes. The brain does offer fair share of resistance to such changes, especially a male brain. If big chances trickle down to the bottom of people’s consciousnesses with peace and sanity, it surely means, people and cultures are evolved ones. However, often, big changes settle down only after tumultuous and cacophonous brouhaha by all mind consciousnesses, on either side of the change – those wanting it, those not. Changes in gender roles and relationship are up for big time changes and happening fast. Minds on both sides of the change, therefore, are bound to be prone to psychotic cognitions and behaviour.

Our woman is however an evolved mind and she has this poised consciousness to see and accept the genesis of psychosis in both men and women in contemporary cultures. She has it; that is why she wishes this her ‘ex’ to know and benefit from. She loves him and true love is always