You Didn’t Care by Santosh Jha (read aloud books txt) 📕

... that is why she writes...

“... This thing, I really wish you could understand and accept and that is why, this last chance I am availing to tell you. I came to know about how you have been telling our common friends that you moved out because I was becoming too complicated and even neurotic to handle and live with. Sure, you must have felt this way and that is why you have been telling people about it. I know, you are honest and not inclined to being manipulative about your own perspectives. That is why I wish to say this to you.

“This I am also saying with utmost honesty and my sincerity makes me accept that I may at times be struggling with my poise and equanimity. It is not that I was not aware of phases of negative emotions and emotional instability. I also somehow knew that at times, you looked quite at loss to handle me when I fell for such a state of mind. However, what I want you to accept that if I ever crossed the fine-line and hit the mind state of neurosis, you were not the cause but you didn’t help either.

“You need to believe this realism about the worldview and perspective of a woman, when it comes to we seeing things the way they are out there. It is not only I who feel this way. I even went to a counsellor and there were other women who also had similar perspectives, which troubled them the same way. And many of them I talked with had this similar regret that their men were not supportive and caring. Unfortunately, like you, most men took negativity of emotions of their women personally.

“If only you could accept things the other way. It may seem that most of my negativity of emotions was directed at you but you surely were not causing or creating them. But the fact remains that we share our bodies and souls, therefore a woman expects their men to be partners in their troubles. My instable emotions were never directed against you but surely were directed towards you. This subtlety of situation a woman can see and accept but I know, men fail to differentiate between the two distinct realism.

“I know, my counsellor also told me that men also acquire negativity of emotions from their work and other milieus but men prefer not to share their woes to anyone else, never with their women. They keep struggling with them all alone. They would choose to hurt them all alone but never share it with anyone as instinctively, it is a man’s top pride to wage and win his battles on his own. This I know was there with you and that made you unsettled and unhappy with you. If you had shared and accepted that between couples, everything needs to be shared, we could have managed together something good. That is why I wished that you find your poise and settled consciousness. I wished, you cared...

“Not only me, I know that every woman, in modern contemporary cultural milieu finds life and living very challenging. Believe me, I am not directing this all against you or men at large. I saying this as this is the reality. Women like me, who are out there in the middle of a men’s world, trying hard to install a stamp of their own personality, perspectives, personal preferences and work models have to face tough times. Lots of women are working and doing great in many fields of work but we are still in small minority. It is essentially men’s world with all structural and functional handles suited for men’s way of success and excellence. A woman has loads of unnecessary struggle to fit into this men-frame of established structures and functional modes. It subconsciously infuses hell lot of negativity of emotions in women.

“I know, it is tough for you to understand this but I wish to tell you that when a man does well, rises up in his profession and makes success for himself, he earns a lot of fans, friends and well-wishers. Believe me, this same does not happen with women. A woman on the same path and same attainments in fact earns the reverse. As she becomes more successful and rises up in hierarchy in profession, more people turn away and begin to have bad and negative vibes against her. Men earn more fans, women face more foes...

“I accept, sometimes, it is difficult to have your discretion right and poised. Even when you are a man and have born advantages of doing well in a man’s world, you too know how the contemporary world order and modern socio-economic-cultural milieus often challenge your poise and settled consciousness. The clutter all around, complex living, looming threat perceptions, killing competitiveness, multi-tasking and good-living benchmarks etc are all not particularly suitable to one’s poise and positivity. For women, all these surely double up as threats on their poised discretion.

“Being honest to you, which I am always, I have no qualms accepting to you and anyone that at so many times, fighting all these challenges and negativity all around in the milieus, I am sort of confused as what is my poised reaction and what crosses this fine-line of poise. May be, as our subconscious minds become attuned to over-reactions and counter-negativity upfront, it spills over even at normal situations. My counsellor also told me that negative emotional state is an outcome of gap or conflict between our conscious and subconscious mind states. I surely accept that I have been struggling with this required poise and symmetry between my subconscious and conscious mind state. It is surely quite a fight for working women...

“However, having said that, I also wish to tell you that you too were the same victim of conflicts and imbalance. The difference is I know and accept my conflicts and working towards correcting this challenge, which is a huge misfit to my overall happy and settled state of mind and living. You however, didn’t accept it as some trouble and rather unilaterally chose to ascribe your own personal troubles to my emotional negativity, which you label as neurosis.

“I simply wished to tell you; we all live in very difficult and fast changing times, where the first casualty is poise and equanimity of consciousness. Both men and women are coping hard with milieus outside; in professions especially. For both you and me, troubles may have varied in degrees of intensity but troubles had the same origin. Both you and me struggled in our milieus outside but when we came home, we surely needed to have a heaven, where both you and me should have felt rejuvenated, so that every morning we went out recovering our poise back. Home is where we have all things, which we lose outside. Home is where we have all things, we do not find or can attain outside.

“I knew, we had trouble with our home milieus. Our home surely missed what it should ideally have. I know, it is the story of most homes in our modern world. In such un-replenishing home milieus, the man thinks, most troubles are because of the woman and women think the man is creating them all. The reality is, most women fail to understand their men with a standpoint, which the men have and hold dear. Men do the same. They don’t care to see and accept the women’s worldview and perspective.

“I am not saying everything in our relationship was wrong and troubled because you created them. We all have our fair share in most troubles around us. What I wish to say is; you didn’t care to see and accept some basics of our mutual wellness. You treated your own wellness as separate from my wellness and even considered both as competing domains. You didn’t care to see and accept the basic reality that for a man and woman in intimacy and mutuality, wellness is a collective and singular domain. Or, both domains of wellness are so inter-linked, inter-dependent that segregated solutions don’t work. Rather, they are calamitous for the very sustenance of mutuality and intimacy.

“I simply wish, as you move ahead in your life, you could just sit in for introspection and try to care for small things. Life and living successes are all about this very intricate mechanism of wellness. Men and women need to step out of their individual domains and see and accept the utility of building planks of mutuality and symbiosis. Man-woman mutuality is huge component of life-living wellness. A man is a man, he has to see and accept. He has to lead. He has the larger onus of success on his shoulders, when it comes to organizing the success of wellness enterprise of mutuality and intimacy. Men surely can do it, if they just care a bit more. I wished you did. But you didn’t care....”

Acceptance, somehow works magic for compatibility and cooperation. Different entities may not necessarily be competitive as complementarities are better with distinct things. This is a difficult acceptance, seems only metaphoric but surely has core pragmatism and practical utility for all of us.

Once we admit with affection and compassion that men and women have been designed differently by evolution forces and this distinction was actually very suitable for the intrinsic good and wellness of humanity, we are all well off. Often, practical utilities of an idea get acceptance when we internalize the primary hypothesis of holism. Sadly, most of us are trigger-happy riding the waves of sliced and partial perspectives of life and living. The contemporary clutter culture makes this sliced worldview a fashionable attitude. Dispensability of holism is often intelligent choice... it shouldn’t be...

Men and women are different and so are their innate consciousnesses. The mind consciousnesses are different because their brains are different. They look and function differently. It is therefore natural that utility and wellness have distinct meanings for male and female. For example, male brains contain about 6.5 times more gray matter; also called thinking matter than women. Female brains have more than 9.5 times as much white matter, the stuff that connects various parts of the brain, than male brains.

Moreover, the frontal area of the cortex and the temporal area of the cortex are more precisely organized in women, and are bigger in volume. This largely explains why women have more, deeper and larger wellness issues and they are more prone to anxiety than men. Modern clutter culture therefore hugely unsettles the poise of women. Naturally, average women seem more susceptible to emotional instability and negativities than men.

Women have the brain-driven mind consciousness to connect with all elements of life and living far more deeply and intricately. Women relate and unconsciously communicate with tangible as well as intangible elements in their social and personal milieus and ambient cultures in far more intimate and entrenched ways than men do. It is somehow far more difficult for a woman to de-culture her mind consciousness and judge the utility, suitability and fruition of a possible decision sans baggage of ambient milieus, experiences and embedded history.

It is for the smart and receptive mind consciousness of a man to understand and accept that the gender differences in mind consciousness are there but they are actually good for the probability of the inevitability of mutuality. Evolution has designed these differences for larger and better survival and wellness of both men and women. A real man truly respects these segregations yet always eyes on working out the probability of enhanced symbiosis and symmetry between the two complementing mind consciousnesses.

It is truly beautiful to see, understand and accept that women have to be different from men and must have different something from men as it enhances survival and excellence of humanity as a whole. It needs innocence acceptance to realize that life has been created in pairs and two entities forming a pair should ideally never be similar but