Hard Love by Mis Understood (small books to read .txt) 📕

have never changed, when no one is looking, when he thinks I’m not paying attention. But I can feel it in my heavy in my stomach when he stares at me. It scares me so badly. I question myself if I can really pull this off. But then the memories come back. The torture and I get angry. That’s what keeps me going.
At night we text. We text and then he comes over and we watch TV. I know I’m stepping in dangerous water. It’s saying “No Diving”, but when he looks at me with those smiling emerald eyes, like he knows something I don’t. That’s exactly what I am doing. Diving into those oh-so-dangerous eyes.
Stacey and I haven’t spoken about why Matthew and she were arguing. She’s not home like she used to be. I know she’s with Matt. But there’s something there. Everyone talks about them in school. And it makes me sick to my stomach that she’s not talking to me about it. It also makes me feverish, when I think about Matt. All those time he’s made me feel so low. The way he's spoken to me, made me feel like I was nothing. The way he saw me. As if I was a someone he could toy with me because he had so much control over me.

I’m home in the living room doing my homework. When Stacey walks in and drops her backpack next to the door. My mom always yells at her for it. She doesn’t notice that I am there.
“Matt, I told you I can’t. You wouldn’t understand” Pause.
“That’s not fair, you know I care for you. But it’s hard to explain. I wish I can be there for you. I know you’re going through a hard time!” She still doesn’t realize that I’m sitting on the couch with my legs crossed. She doesn’t sense my eyes on her. She drags a hand in her hair. She sighs loudly. She goes up the stairs swiftly. I hear her steps faltered, and I hear a creak. She’s sitting on the stairs.
“Matthew, you need to take it a day at a time. You can do this,” she tells him. Again she sighs.
“We’re going to see each other at school. I can’t watch you twenty-four-seven. I need time for myself.” She stresses.
“Babe, please just give me some time. Okay? I’m not leaving you because of what you told me.” I hear her shuffle.
“Listen, I’m home. I’m gonna eat and do my homework. I’ll call you back. Okay?” Another pause.
“Yes, you too. Bye”
I pretend to do my homework. I listen to her steps. She’s coming down the stairs.
“How much did you hear?” She asked with her eyes popping out of her sockets.
“All of it,” I shrug. I uncross my legs and cross them again.
She sits next to me. She groans and drags another hand in her hair. Her eyes are dark as if she hasn’t slept.
“Are you okay?” I put my stuff on the coffee table.
“Yes.”
I give her a ‘seriously-you’re-lying-to-me?’ look.
“I’m okay. Okay, not completely. It’s been rough. Matt, he’s just not what I expected.” She fiddles with her fingers.
“What does that mean?” My tone is offensive, I don't mean it to be.
“It means there’s shit you don't know Jaz. That’s what that means!” Her reaction surprises me. I stand up.
“I know what he did to me. I know he never cared, I know he'll never question himself how made me feel. I know he made me feel like garbage. I remember hiding from him and hoping he doesn't find me. Did you forget Stacey?” Angry tears run down my face. My face is hot and my ears are ringing. She stands up and gets close to my face.
“Of course I do, I remember all the details. I’m doing this for you Jazielly! And it’s harder than I thought. I know things you don’t. I’m not saying what Matt did was okay. I was not even close to okay. Sometimes I feel things for him and then I remember all the shit he put you through. Then I feel sick. I wanna give up.” She walks back and forth the living room. “And it's fucking hard. If it was under different circumstances, I would be attracted to him. I know it's wrong! The stuff he tells me. It's so sad and I just don’t know if I can take it” She cries. She sits on the couch.
“What… what does he tell you?” I swallow.
“Everything and nothing. If I didn’t know you. If I didn’t know how he made you feel. I’d forgive him. But you’re my best friend and I just can’t forgive him. Not until you do.”
Forgiveness? No. He doesn’t deserve a centimeter of forgiveness.
“Forgive him?” I stare at her in shock.
“This is way too hard. I’m gonna go for a ride. I can’t deal with anyone right now.” She shakes her head. She takes the keys and her backpack and walks out of the door.
Whatever is going on it’s bigger than her. I can’t help feel badly on how a reacted. But it hurts me deeply on how I feel she is taking his side. It’s not fair. He’s taking her away from me and it makes me so hate him so much more. He’s changing her. She’s not the Stacey I know. At least not at the moment.

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I went to my room after the argument with Stacey. My mom knocked on my door. She said she heard us arguing and wanted to see if I was okay. I told I was okay. She asked me what it was about, I explained to her it was boy stuff. She nodded and went back to her room.
A few minutes later I heard a very faint bang on my window. Thinking it was the tree branch hitting my window, I remained watching t.v and eating my fruit salad.

‘Tick.’

I stand up.

‘Tick’

I walk to the window.

‘Tick’

I open the shades. I see a figure waiting for me. I can’t see how because I don’t have my contacts in.
“Who’s that?” I squint to see if I can get a better look. I don’t.
“David, let me in.” He says in a breathy whisper.
The time I snuck him through the garage I didn’t think it through. The front door to my house literally faces the stairs. And the stairs literally take you to my room.
“Okay, I’m going to throw you the keys.”

I know I’m safe because my mom is sleeping. She will think that it’s Stacey coming home if she wakes up from the keys jiggling and the footsteps. Also, Stacey is not home. I sit in my bed and wait for him to come into my room. I feel like everything is moving so fast.
A year ago I never would’ve thought I’d ever had Dave in my room.
And three months ago, I never thought this would be the Dave I’ve gotten to know. The door opens and my heart skips. I can sense him because my hairs in the back of my neck shamelessly stand up. I hear him take off his shoes. He hates shoes. He says if he can walk barefoot for the rest of his life, he would. He doesn’t though, because welll… you can’t. Which is ironic because every time I see him he has a different pair of shoes. I’ll see him at school with Nikes on and when he comes to my house he has another pair.

“Hey,” his deep voice resonates across my body like a guitar.
“Hey,” I smile.
“Whatcha watching?” He rests his back on the headboard and stretched his legs on the bed.
“I have no idea. I haven’t been paying attention.” I take a bite out of my pineapple.
“Why what’s wrong?”
How does he know something is wrong? Maybe it’s just a guess. I mean, he can’t read me that good. Right?

“Stacey and I kinda argued today.” I put my bowl down on my nightstand and get in the same position as him.
“Matt and I argue a lot too.”
I cringe. He sees it.
“Was it about him? Matt, I mean?” He asks.
“Why do you want to know?”
We’ve never ever talked about anyone. Not Stace, Matt, Jason and especially Melanie.
“Yeah but I don’t want to get into it.” I find the remote to the television and put on Hulu.
“You know they’re together right?”
Of course, I know. But that’s not what bothers me. It bothers me because their relationship seems so real. By the looks of it, Stace does have actual feelings.
“Yep.”
“It doesn’t bother you.” It’s more of a statement than a question but I still answer it.
“Nope.”
“Hmmm.”

 

I put on ‘Rick and Morty.’ He laughs at the stuff Rick says. I put it on because I know he likes this show. I like to see him laugh. In school, he always has his guards up. His walls are so thick that I don’t think anyone can melt them. Then, these nights when we’re together it’s almost as if he doesn’t have to keep his walls up. He lets them down as soon as he walks into my door. His eyes are relaxed and his body is just comfortable.
I laugh at Morty.
“I thought this show wasn’t funny.” He knows it’s pretty comical. But no matter how many times I laugh, I always deny it. This show is stupid, to be honest. I can’t stand it, but the shows are fascinatingly weird.
“It’s not,” I try to hide my smile. I can’t though.
“Right.”

I lay down. He lays down, too. It’s dark in my room, the only light that’s illuminating is the t.v. I face him and he faces him. ‘Rick and Morty’ is forgotten.
“I wanna kiss you,” he whispers.
I bluntness takes me by surprise. He moves closer.
So close that can see small specks of bronze color in his eyes.
So so close that I notice his eyelashes curl and almost touch his brow bone.
And then he lips me mine. My eyes involuntarily close. His lip soft and luscious. His hands caress the side my face. His tongue touches my lips lightly and I open up for him. He tastes like nirvana. I moan and get closer to him.
Dave’s hand gently grazes my neck and travels down my side and make its way to the back of my knee. It stops there. My hand timidly skims his chest.
He turns me on my back and comes on top of me. I can feel all of him. His chest against my boobs, his stomach on mine. His weight comforts me. I love how big he is. David kisses me like it’s his most favorite thing in the world. He savors me and explores my mouth. His tongue meets mine and they dance around. Then, he sucks on my lower lips and gently bites it. It makes we want to explode.
Without thinking my legs go around his want looking for something. My stomach is filled with ache. An ache I have never felt before. And my boobs feel sore. As if they need something to caress them.
His mouth drags down to my neck. He licks and nips it has me panting. I wrap my legs tighter and feel something hard against. It causes the I’ve been looking for. It feels so good. I gasp when his tongue tastes my cleavage. My hands go to his hair and pull it tenderly. And his hands touch my tits and squeezes them. I moan loudly, the sensation feels like wonderful.
“Please,” I beg. I don’t know what I’m asking.
He seems to know because he grabs a handful of my ass and presses it against him. I grab his head and guide his mouth toward mine. Our teeth clash and tongues meet once again. He turns his head for more access and thrust his hips forward. I meet his thrust