Sinfully Yours by Mirah Selim (best e reader for manga txt) 📕

Cyrus Pov

Cyrus Sylvester. The man people fear the most. The man who never knew what softness was. The man who was born to become a ruthless leader of his father's gang. The mob boss who had made a history of being the youngest yet the most feared leader that not only the people of this country but overseas have fear of as well.

But was I really that ruthless? Was I really born to become the monster? The answer even I don't know. I wasn't born like this. I still remember having stuffed toys and cars that I loved the most. I still remember the time I craved to hug my father even if it would be for only once. I begged in my sleep to be able to meet my mother someday. But that wasn't in my fate.

Because I still remember the time when that bitch snatched my stuffed toys, and destroyed my cars in front of my eyes to torture me. I still remember the time I was deprived of any affection from my father. And I can never forget that the woman who gave me birth didn't even look back to see if I was even alive.

Did I ever try to find her? Of course, I did. A hopeless idiot who engraved his fear in others' hearts was in reality a broken man who hopelessly tried to find his mother. I hoped that maybe just maybe my father was a liar and my mother wanted me but alas! Again it wasn't in my fate.

After I turned 20 I was finally able to track her down in another country. I went there with the hope that I will finally be able to feel an embrace of a mother but my hope was mercilessly crushed when I witnessed her living with her husband not only that but she also had three children. Two sons and one daughter.

My eyes blankly witnessed her happily picking up her 10 and 16 years old sons from their schools. She was holding her daughter in her arms who looked barely 2 or 3 years old. Her husband was there too sitting in the car. Her household wasn't elite as mine but her happiness was far from what I had in my 20 years of life.

She was happy. Without me. She didn't look like she ever gave birth to me. Then I did a little investigation and finally find out that she did a surrogacy only because her husband was suffering from cancer and for his treatment she needed money.

I chuckled closing the window of my car as I leaned my head against the seat closing my eyes. She never wanted me. No one wanted me. For my father, I was a tool. For my mother, I never existed. For that bitch I was a toy. For my uncle, I was an immature boy who liked to lie. And for my grandfather, I was just a way to save his legacy. I was just an object for everyone to use.

That day I lost the last hope I had in my heart. After that, I shut off my heart training like a maniac. Without realizing my favorite hobby become hurting myself. Whenever my mind ticked me off I used whatever my hand touched to cut myself to calm the voices in my head.

I loved the pain it gave me. I loved how my heart was void of any emotion. I loved being in control of my demons. I loved torturing people. I love seeing people having fear in their eyes for me even at the slightest mention of my name. I loved the beast I was molded into.

But someone decided to enter this destroyed life of mine again filling me with another hope which I tried to fight off many times. I knew she wasn't made for me. I knew I didn't deserve her. But I also knew the moment her innocent eyes met my sinister ones my fucked up brain wanted to ruin her.

That innocence I hated it! I hated the way she rejected me! I hated how she made me feel the things I vowed to never feel for years. The emotions I locked away for years I didn't want them to wake up ever again but again it wasn't in my fate.

Because the more I tried to taint her, the more she played with my heart. The mountain of ruthlessness I built around my heart started cracking up before I could even control myself. She ruled over me like nothing else. She made me so vulnerable that I had to stay away from the mansion many times to get myself together. To tell myself that I am a monster. I am a beast. I am a bastard who doesn't feel anything.

Yet all my efforts came smacking me in the face as a wake-up call when she reminded me who I am. When she shot me only one question that I couldn't answer. I didn't know how to answer.

Can you forgive your father and Camila?

Can I? I can't right? Then why do I expect her to give me a chance when I fall in the same line with those coward dogs? They were my tormentor and I was her tormentor then why do I want her to stay with me and accept me?

Hypocrite. Yes, I accepted I was being a hypocrite wanting the woman I hurt to accept me at my bare minimum efforts. Yes, I was being selfish wanting to feel her love. Wanting her to touch me with softness. To comfort me not out of pity but with a touch of acceptance and genuine care.

A ruthless cunning mafia boss Cyrus Sylvester was a foolish man when it comes to the woman he wanted. The woman he cared for. The woman for whom he can give up on his everything.

The woman he loves the most.

She made me realize what love is. Definition of love I wasn't familiar with. I embraced the meaning she explained that night. And considered that explanation as love and that's when I knew I was digging my own grave. And I didn't even know when I fell into it and closed my eyes.

Because the moment I let her go I realized what pain is. The damage was beyond measure. I never felt that kind of pain even when I was hurt by my mother, father, or even that bitch. I never thought anything can make me fall on my knees and cry once again. But her separation caused it.

I knew I had gotten separation anxiety disorder. That psychiatrist told me and she even warned me that this separation is going to be the hardest part of my life. Even though several times I felt like running to her and bringing her back but whenever I remembered her last words I knew I couldn't do that.